It’s amazing how simple conversation can quickly turn into high drama.
One minute you’re sitting down to dinner with loved the ones, the next there are tears, broken plates and hysterical emotions.
And that’s not even the holiday meal.
Conversations at the family dinner table, particularly in this current cultural climate, have gotten a bit fragile.
Case in point…
Redditor ZanyDot wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for saying I’m grateful I’m blonde?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Look, I know how the title sounds, and the situation does feel ridiculous, but this is where we’re at.”
“I (25 F[emale]) and my 3 siblings (28 F, 26 M[ale], 21 F) are all blond. Our parents were both blond as kids but their hair got darker with puberty and by the time they got into their 20s, they were both brunettes.”
“That hasn’t happened with any of us, although our hair all started out as very light blond, and now we all have like, medium blond hair.”
“All of us were at my parent’s for dinner, including my sister’s husband and brother’s wife. We were talking about my (perfect, wonderful) nephew who has white blond hair (age 10 months).”
“My B[rother] I[n] L[ove] has dark hair so he was wondering if nephew would eventually have dark hair or stay blond like his mom.”
“He said something like ‘it’s kind of unusual to stay blond into adulthood right? Don’t most people’s hair get darker naturally?’”
“And then we brought up how our parents went brunette young and then both went gray less than a decade after that, so we really couldn’t predict how nephew’s hair would look.”
“Then I said ‘I’m just glad I’m blonde, I’d hate to be a brunette’ because I was picturing it being the same shades my parent’s hair was before they grayed, which were a very dull kind of ugly brown.”
“My S[ister] I[in] L[aw] took offense and said it was really crappy of me to say that. I was confused and then shocked when she followed it with ‘that’s something a Nazi would say.'”
“Then there were raised voices, my mom saying SIL was awful for even suggesting I said something a Nazi would, and it just got all jumbled and SIL left and drove herself home – my brother had to bum a ride from our sister later to get home.”
“Then this morning I called my brother and he told me he’d explained why I’d said that to her and that then she got mad that I didn’t just say so and didn’t have to ‘be crappy about having brown hair and saying she loved being blond like some neo-Nazi.'”
“My SIL is involved in a lot of activism and I know has had to deal with neo-Nazis in the course of that, so my brother thinks that’s what triggered the response.”
“We talked and she apologized for yelling at me, but then said I needed to remember to ‘check my privilege because a lot of people are discriminated against on the basis of their hair,’ which I know is true and think is awful, but I’m not sure what I said really warranted the first outburst or being chided.”
“AITA for saying I’m glad I’m blonde?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA. Dude you REALLY made it sound like a pass at your SIL and her family who are brunette. That was just rude.” ~ Icefirewolflord
“Exactly YTA. I wasn’t making any kind of leap to ‘Nazi,’ but I was thinking how rude and insensitive it was to put down her parent’s hair color and how that had to have made them feel bad.” ~ ksharonisok
“I make fun of my mom when she talks about how glad she is that my kids are blonde and blue-eyed like her (my brother and I don’t have blue eyes, she always mildly wished we did, but my husband does)… I like to tell her that yea, they are perfect little Aryan babies.”
“But that’s just because I find this obsession with blonde hair and blue eyes as the most beautiful and desirable traits weird and yeah kinda racist.” ~ Errvalunia
“While I agree that OP could have (and should have) worded it better, I think it’s important to remember the context.”
“She was in a room of family, and it sounds as if the family is fairly close. My family has known me for almost 30 years.”
“If I said exactly what OP said they would understand that I wasn’t trying to insult them. They know me well enough to understand what I mean even if I don’t use the best words.”
“People make mistakes and say things absentmindedly.”
“Again, OP definitely could have chosen her words better but there was no need for this to blow up like it did in my opinion.” ~ Candid-Brick5976
“YTA, you could have just said you were glad to be blonde without insulting everyone else by also adding ‘you’d hate to be brunette.’ SIL overreacted but you were rude in the first place.”
“It was rude and I am inclined to find it especially so she since mentions her parents have ‘ugly, dull brown hair.'”
“I might would give OP a bit more leeway if it wasn’t for that comment which just seems extremely mean-spirited and also like she’s just so grateful not to have such an ugly hair color like her parents.”
“It feels vain.” ~ OverallDisaster
“YTA. a few other comments have mentioned this as well, the problem isn’t that you love your blonde hair, or that you said you like your blonde hair.”
“The problem is that you said that you would hate to have brunette hair. Your SIL shouldn’t have apologised, you should have.” ~ AmateureMunner
“YTA. It was a rude/ annoying statement.”
“There was no need to add that you’d hate to be brunette, especially when someone with dark hair was sitting right there (which is what really makes it a**holey.)”
“You could have just said you like/love being blonde.” ~ mountainmonk72
“YTA. You do realize that anyone can be blonde now right? It doesn’t make you special or better than anyone else.” ~ emccm
Family can be a difficult dynamic to navigate.
What is the lesson?
Words matter.
And the delivery of thoughts is paramount.
Hopefully our OP and her family can put this all behind them and have learned how to better communicate for the future.