We’ve all heard the saying, “When you gotta go, you gotta go!”
From time to time, that could be true for anyone, but that’s especially true for people who struggle with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) symptoms.
That said, a person who struggles with IBS must prepare to address their symptoms in a way that does not negatively impact the people they live with, just as their roommates and loved ones should be committed to helping care for them, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor yeahyeahokaygreat lived with their boyfriend, who was diagnosed with IBS and periodically could not wait to use the restroom.
Despite knowing this about him, the Original Poster (OP) was still shocked when their boyfriend forced them to step out of the shower with shampoo still in their hair, so that he could use the restroom alone during a flare-up.
They asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole for being a little frustrated that my boyfriend kicked me out of the shower to poop?”
The OP hopped into the shower when they got home from work, but their boyfriend quickly put a stop to it.
“I got home from work today and told my boyfriend I was gonna take a quick shower.”
“As soon as I put shampoo in my hair, he came in, pulled back the shower curtain, and was like, ‘I’m so sorry, but you have to leave right now. I gotta GO.'”
“I responded, ‘Dude, no. I’ll just close the shower curtain, and you can go.'”
“To this, he responded, ‘Are you serious?!? You gotta get out!'”
“I was like, ‘Dude, are YOU seriously asking me to get out of the shower right now?'”
Despite knowing about his condition, the OP was really surprised that this happened.
“We’ve lived together for over two years and are pretty comfortable with each other, but we’re definitely not to the point of pooping in front of each other.”
“He has IBS, so when he’s gotta go, he’s gotta go.”
“We also live in a cold a** place that is heated with a wood stove, and I hadn’t gotten the fire going yet, so I was just standing freezing and dripping and shampoo-haired outside the bathroom, waiting for him to s**t.”
“This is obviously not THAT big of a deal, but like, am I crazy thinking that it’s a wild ask to make your partner leave mid-shower so you can take a dump?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some sided with the boyfriend, pointing out that he may have wanted privacy during an intense flare-up.
“OP, even you said that your boyfriend has IBS. Bro is fighting demons in there, and you’re worried about shampoo and being cold. NAH.” – blue_goon
“I have IBS, and sometimes it makes my poop smell like the devil personally took a s**t in there, and other times, it’s a full-on symphony orchestra, and the worst is when I know it’s bad.”
“It’s made me self-conscious when pooping because I don’t know if it’s normal or if I’m passing toxic waste. If I had an IBS thing, I’d tell people to evacuate the room for their own good.”
“People can stay if they don’t mind showering in a room that smelled like an army of skunks died in there.” – cpslicking
“NAH. I’ve been married for over 20 years, and we still give each other privacy to poop. Multiple bathrooms do help.”
“IBS adds a whole level of complexity to this scenario. It’s urgent, and often very unpleasant both in sound/smell, and he’s probably embarrassed enough by it as it is.”
“This was a case of really bad timing. If it happens again, rinse out the shampoo and get out ASAP. Although you’re majorly inconvenienced, he’s got an actual emergency.” – thechaoticstorm
“It can be so d**n humiliating. I would rather everyone just leave the house.” – basiden
“NAH. IBS emergencies are real, and when someone says they have to go, they usually mean right now. That said, asking someone to step out of the shower, soaking wet, in a freezing house, is also pretty rough and understandably frustrating.”
“This sounds less like anyone being an AH and more like bad timing and no backup bathroom plan. Long-term, it might be worth figuring out a system for emergencies so no one ends up shampoo-covered and freezing again.” – CPromise-8025
Others pointed out that they wouldn’t have wanted to be in the same room while that was happening anyway, cold home included or not.
“Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t want to be in the shower while someone was actively s**tting in the same room, but maybe that’s me. Still NAH.” – Consistent-Star5745
“If my husband barged into the bathroom and said, ‘Sorry, you need to leave right now,’ I’d leave immediately, no questions asked. I don’t want to be a party to whatever is that urgent.” – Dusty_Old_McCormick
“I have Crohn’s, which shares some symptoms with IBS, and I live with my partner and a roommate (long-term BFF) in a one-bath place, and they just clear the f**k out of the way whenever I need it.”
“It’s really never been much of an issue, but then again, we’re all very down-to-earth people, so that makes a difference. I’m gonna say NAH, on the grounds that I think this moment just really caught you off-guard, which is fair; just don’t turn it into a bigger problem than it is.” – yirium
“Pooing is like a battlefield. The truce is we give each other space.”
“Our current apartment has a door between the tub and the toilet. Other apartments did not. So if one of us had to go, the other would go away for a bit. Essentially, it’s a bipartisan.” – lolantheRose
“Sometimes when I s**t, I don’t even want to be in there.” – GregRU56
A few Redditors totally got where the OP was coming from, though.
“This is so weird to me. I don’t share a bathroom while my husband s**ts if I can reasonably avoid it, but if I’ve just put in shampoo and he’s got to GO, then we’re just going to have to handle business at the same time.”
“I’m not leaving the bathroom soapy and cold because he can’t poop with an audience. It’s just f**king bodily functions, I’m not that precious, and neither is he. IBS wouldn’t change that.”
“It’s not ideal, but he’d never ask me to be physically uncomfortable because he was emotionally uncomfortable.”
“I would of course rush the shower. Skip shaving and other unnecessary steps. Shorten the post-shower routine or fully push it back. But I am not leaving that water till the shampoo is rinsed and the conditioner is applied and rinsed. Period.” – IAMA_Shark__AMA
“My fiancée and I don’t give a f**k. I’m not going to be so d**n precious every day about my nostrils. She can flush early, fan is on, steam traps smell particles… this story is psychotic to me.” – MortemInferri
“She had shampoo in her hair. She was going to have to go back into the miasma of funk either way.” – cassanthrax
“It’s not like she wasn’t going to have to smell it whether she left during or not.”
“So it kinda makes it all about his comfort, and he wasn’t considering hers at all.” – s_4_evrysing
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Wow, y’all, this has been a wild ride. Thanks for the input! The spectrum of experience and comfort with pooping in front of each other is extremely varied, LOL.”
“I really just posted this because I was so surprised at how differently my partner and I reacted to this situation, and I wanted to see what other people thought. As it turns out, people just seem to feel wildly differently about this scenario.”
“It wouldn’t be my first choice to poop in front of a partner, but I’d absolutely do it over kicking them out of the shower, but that’s just me. Everyone’s entitled to their own boundaries around privacy.”
“I’m gonna buy extra towels and a big bathrobe for next time.”
“P.S. My boyfriend was so sweet about it. He lit candles in the bathroom when he left and got the fire going for me because he ‘owed me warmth’ when I got out. He’s since feeling much better, so everything worked out in the end.”
This was one of those situations where the subReddit could understand where both people were coming from, and they could also recognize that there was no easy solution to make next time easier.
If the OP’s boyfriend needed to use the restroom while they were caught in the shower again, both of their needs and comforts were valid. Admittedly, the boyfriend’s was a medical problem, while the OP’s was one of comfort and convenience, but during the winter in a cold house, it’s a much greater concern than during the summer.
If their budget allowed it, it would actually be highly beneficial to their relationship to invest in a property with a second half-bath or full bathroom, so both of their needs could be met in the time that they needed to be.
Sometimes couples need to sleep in separate bedrooms to improve their relationship, and for others, a second restroom is just as important, if not more so.