As time passes on, more and more brides and grooms choose not to follow many of the customs and traditions synonymous with weddings.
Many brides opt to not have their father walk them down the aisle and “give them away”, nor do other’s lose sleep over not having something old, new, borrowed or blue.
While guests might be disappointed by a bride not throwing her bouquet, or the lack of a garter throw, the reasons those elements were likely omitted from the wedding were owing to the fact that they wouldn’t make the bride and/or groom happy.
As absolutely nothing will spoil a wedding more than an unhappy bride or groom.
Redditor Key-Hovercraft-8396 made it abundantly clear to her fiancé that there was one, slightly less wholesome, wedding tradition she absolutely would not partake in on her wedding day.
And yet, when the big day arrived, the original poster (OP)’s new husband seemed to forget her numerous warnings.
Resulting in the OP leaving her wedding and entering married life full of rage.
Worried that she may have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for being livid at my (now) husband?”
The OP explained how after her husband ignored her one request on their wedding day, she made no attempt to hide her anger.
‘My (33 F[emale]) husband (30 M[ale]) and I got married last week.”
‘I had been super chill throughout the whole wedding planning, and during the actual event.”
‘Because I know sh*t happens and if anything goes wrong, or not exactly how we wanted, it’s not that big of a deal and may even make the wedding more memorable for the guests.”
“The one thing that I told my husband I didn’t want to happen was I didn’t want him smashing cake in my face.”
“I had a suspicion that he would find it funny to do it, so during the planning, I flat out told him not to do it.”
“I don’t think it’s funny, I don’t want to mess up my makeup that took hours to apply, and I don’t want cake on my expensive wedding dress.”
“I told him I would be livid if he did it.”
“He promised that he wouldn’t.”
“Well, come the cake cutting time, what did he do?”
“Smashed the cake in my face!”
“It got on my dress, and messed up my makeup, just like I knew it would.”
“I’m pretty sure his friends convinced him to do it, not that that makes it any better.”
“I kept it together, went and cleaned myself up, and put on a smile for the rest of the reception.”
“But afterwards, I let loose on him.”
“I yelled at him that this was the ONE THING I asked him not to do, and he promised that he wouldn’t.”
“He told me I was being dramatic, that it’s not a big deal, and we should just be enjoying our time as newlyweds.”
“So was I being overly dramatic?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for being angry at her husband after he smashed cake in her face.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to be angry with her husband, not only for doing the one thing she specifically asked him not to do, but also for his lack of contrition after the fact.
“What worries me isn’t that he did the cake smashing itself.”
“It is his response back to you.”
“He should have apologized and listened to you, and really realized his mistake.”
“Instead, he diminished your very valid feelings and reasons.”
“Has he apologized yet?”
“For calling you over dramatic?”
“You asked for one thing and he didn’t listen.”
“What he did was so disrespectful and sets the tone for the rest of your marriage.”
“And he doubled down by saying you’re being dramatic instead of apologizing.”
“I’d be livid too!”- bonniebluest
“You: don’t do this ONE thing.”
“Him: does it.”
“You: are livid.”
“Him: surprised pikachu face.”- procrastinating_b
“You should’ve made a scene honestly.”
“And instead of apologizing telling you, that he stands behind that action is honestly even worse.”
“He does not regret it.”
“He lied to you and did something he know would hurt your feelings and now tells you he still doesn’t care.”
“I honestly don’t now where I would go from here.”
“Therapy maybe?”- CakeEatingRabbit
“What did he think was going to happen?”
“That you’d be fine with it after making it very clear that you would not be fine with it?”
“If you are not enjoying your time as newly weds, it’s entirely down to his behavior.”-Pleasant_Birthday_77
“Welcome to your future Ma’am.”
“Get in your car, go to Walmart, buy the brightest blue cake you can find and smash it in his face.”
“When he screams ‘why did you do that?!'”
“Tell him to stop being dramatic.”- McGhostShadow
“You married a child.”- Capital_Ad3482
“But the fact that he totally ignored your wishes is a very worrying sign.”
“He both broke a promise and ignored your boundaries.”
“Not at all cool.”- boniemonie
“No way, NTA.”
“I also got married last week and I told my husband the same thing.”
“It’s a basic request and quite simple.”
“It’s not funny, not cute, and super disrespectful he couldn’t refrain from doing the one thing you asked him not to.”- cruisegal224
“Bad start for him by disregarding your wishes and not respecting you.”- sekhenet
“You had one boundary, and he broke it.”
“He acted like a child and doesn’t want to be called out on it.”
“So, he’s saying that YOU are being dramatic.”
“There’s an AH here, but it isn’t you.”- nothisTrophyWife
“For my wedding my hubs and I discussed that silly tradition too.”
“And we both agreed it was stupid.”
“But thought we should still give our guests a little enjoyment during that part.”
“So we opted to instead feed each other our slice of cake.”
“It was a sweet moment and made for really cute photos.”
“No cake smashing involved.”
“There was however a frosting mustache haha.”
“But a kiss or two took that off.”
“And again the photos for that were adorable.”
“Highly recommend it as an alternative for anyone out there with impending nuptials.”- holosexual90
“It’s a dumb tradition that needs to go away.”
“You asked for one thing and he couldn’t respect that.”
“I’d have went home after cleaning myself, he could have his party with his friends.”
“I’ve been with a guy who loves to smash cakes on birthdays.”
“Once candles are blown and first piece is taken, he’d grab whole cake and smash it on birthday person’s face.”
“I hated it.”
“He did it with me one time, for my next birthday I worn him against it.”
“What did he do , he smirked and smashed caked on me.”
“He was specially forceful and hurting, smearing butter cream on my hair very hard so to make it messy to clean up after while smirking all the way.”
“He found joy in it.”
“That was my last birthday with him.”
“He is 40 yo.”- kwhorona
“This is a variant on the classic ‘it was just a joke’ when the butt of the joke is far from amused.”
“Please consider an anullment.”
“This jacka** doesn’t have enough empathy to realize the implications of the concept that you, too, are a human being.”
“Is it not too late for annulment?”
“You don’t want cake shoved in your face and that’s legit.”
“He specifically promised not to do that.”
“I hope this was a one off because if it ain’t you’re in for a long and difficult marriage.”- 4682458
“That was him showing you that you aren’t allowed to have boundaries with him.”
“And that his wants are more important than your wants.”
“I’d be surprised if this is the only incident like this in your future.”- tenpercentofnothing
“I hate it when people do it on bdays, on weddings it’s extra inappropriate.”
“It’s such an uncivilized thing to do.”
“And then him dismissing your displeasure over it too, yah he is a total AH.”- piemakerdeadwaker
“What a horrible start to your marriage.”
“I wonder what other statements/requests he’ll ignore from OP.”- Emmiburr
In the eyes of the OP’s now husband, throwing cake in her face, despite her many pleas, was a harmless act of affection.
What he is likely completely oblivious to, however, is that by doing so, he may have shattered any trust his wife might have in him.
As if she couldn’t trust her husband to do the one thing she asked him not to do on their wedding day, she may very well have trouble trusting him with anything, ever again.
Unless, of course, an apology is forthcoming.