Sometimes, people don't know how good they've got it until they mess it up.
Unfortunately, that might include their children, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor EnchantressHub1 had been hurt five years prior when his wife left him, their three children, and even her ailing mother in favor of getting back together with an ex-boyfriend who had become wealthy.
After five years, when the relationship fell apart, the Original Poster (OP) was disgusted when she tried to come back to him, claiming that she'd learned that she'd traded what really mattered for money.
He asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by saying no to my ex-wife after she left me and our kids for her wealthy ex?"
In the final moments of their marriage, the OP's ex-wife reconnected with an ex-boyfriend.
"My wife and I were married for 12 years. We have three kids together."
"Five years ago, she reconnected with an old boyfriend, one who’d hit the jackpot."
"At first, I shrugged it off, didn’t think much of it. But soon, she started comparing our life to his. Sure, we weren't rolling in money, but we had a cozy home, healthy kids, and a decent life."
"Then things took a turn. She confessed she was unhappy, craving more."
"A few weeks later, she walked out on me to be with him."
"What really stung? It wasn’t just the end of our marriage; it was watching her leave our kids behind. She didn’t even try for custody or make plans to stay involved. She just vanished."
"To add insult to injury, her aging mother had been living with us due to health problems. My wife didn’t bother to take her or make care arrangements; it was as if she left her mom for me to figure out too."
The OP built a new life all by himself while his ex enjoyed new riches.
"For the last five years, I've been managing everything on my own, raising our three kids and caring for her mother."
"It hasn’t been a walk in the park. I often juggled extra hours at work just to keep things afloat."
"I went to every school event, doctor’s appointment, parent-teacher meeting, and birthday party, solo."
"The kids struggled after she left. They spent months wondering why their mom didn’t want to be with them anymore. Over time, they stopped expecting her to show up."
"Meanwhile, she was living what seemed like a fantasy with her ex, jet-setting, posting vacation pics, living that lifestyle she always wanted."
"Her mother stayed with us the entire time, witnessing everything firsthand. She often expressed her regrets about her daughter’s choices and grew close to the kids and me."
The OP's ex only reappeared when her life started to unravel.
"Then recently, my wife reached out, asking to meet."
"When we sat down, she broke down completely. She said she’d made the biggest mistake of her life."
"Turns out, her relationship with her ex had gone south. According to her, once the initial thrill faded, it turned toxic, and he eventually walked away."
"She claimed she'd realized she had thrown away what truly mattered and asked if we could start fresh as a family."
"I shot her a simple question: if her ex hadn't dumped her, would she even be talking to me right now?"
"She didn’t answer that one directly."
"I told her that for five years, I did it all alone. I raised our kids, took care of her mom, paid the bills, and dealt with the emotional wreckage of her choices. Now that her chosen life didn’t pan out, she wants back in as if nothing happened."
"I made it clear I had no interest in rekindling anything."
The family was divided over the OP's rejection.
"Now, some relatives are saying I’m cold-hearted and that everyone deserves a second chance."
"But her mother backs me up, insisting I’m making the right call and that my wife should face the fallout of her actions."
"My kids? They’re not looking to repair things with her, either. The older two barely acknowledge her, and they've made it clear that trust is off the table."
"I don’t harbor hate for her, and I genuinely wish her the best. But how could I ever trust someone who turned her back on her family, her husband, her children, even her own mother, for five years?"
"It feels less like she wants us back and more like she’s looking for a safe place now that her backup plan has crumbled."
"Am I wrong to refuse to take her back?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that he already knew he was NOR, and that he was right to feel that way.
"Come on, my guy, you already know the answer. NOR all the way, regardless of what some random relatives say." - Gullible_Fun_1410
"No. Why set yourself up for something like this again? Maybe it will be some other guy..."
"I knew a woman who did this, only it was not an ex. It was some guy she met at MENSA. Left husband and kids; their youngest was four."
"I don't know what happened to her, but I was so disgusted, plus I had just had my first baby, and I did not understand being able to leave your kids at all." - SuggestionOdd6657
"I don’t want this to sound bad, but she doesn't deserve you. Please, you can do better. She is s**t outta luck, in my book. Thank you for being there for your kids and mother-in-law." - Funny_Eye3759
"NOR. In fact, maybe you’re under-reacting. She doesn’t deserve any time with the children she abandoned, let alone you or her mother."
"If she truly wants to have a relationship with them, she can have two hours a weekend to attempt to bond. If they didn’t forgive her, that’s good for them."
"Personally, I’d tell her to kick rocks and go to therapy. Clearly, she has bigger issues to work through." - vampryreheart920
Others agreed and reassured that the OP, his kids, and even his mother-in-law were better off without his ex.
"NOR. Sounds like she’s simply sad at the consequences. As you say, had it not worked out with the ex, she’d never have done anything."
"I assume you have sole custody? And did she pay child support? Your lives are better without her, and she knows it. It’s just the selfish behaviour that led to her cheating."
"Do the relatives know the full extent of her not only cheating, but abandoning her mother AND you and the kids. That’s full trauma." - K1rbyknows
"For some reason, her leaving her sick old mom really threw me over the edge, more than the kids (at least they were with their bio father). What a monster she is!" - nycsee
"Married and taking on the family or not, he has zero responsibility towards her mother. If he had decided that he didn't want to help, what would she have done? Would she have come back for her? Sounds like no. The OP is too good for her." - Hecate_333
"Nope nope nope. NOR. Do not let her back into your life or house."
"She cheated and left everyone. He dumped her, so now she wants the home and comfort. Tell her to get a job and get her own apartment."
"She's not moving back in or getting back together. Ask the court for her to have supervised visitation, if the kids are willing." - Sahareaovnight
Some criticized the ex-wife's family for not stepping in to help before it came to honoring the OP's ex-wife's needs.
"No one in their right mind would counsel you to take her back. Maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree (not including your mother-in-law; it sounds like she comes from a different tree)." - everyothenamegone69
"YOR. Of COURSE you should take back a lying, cheating woman who abandoned her family, her children, her sick mother, to be with a rich guy..." - mrtnmnhntr
Why haven't they been helping the ex's mom, who would also be their relative, all this time?"
"Regardless of which side of the family they're from, how do they not see that the only opinions that matter are those of the family this woman abandoned that she now wants to take her back: her ex-husband, her kids, and her mom."
"These chattering monkeys get no say, and are clearly disregarding the devastating impact she had, especially on her own kids and OP. To even pretend OP could love her again, or that any of them could trust her, is insane."
"She's a reckless, selfish, horrible person, and her former family doesn't owe her any type of second chance, as if the only feelings that matter are hers. The relatives can entertain her if they want, OP and his kids don't have to." - whatthewhat3214
"Think of it if YOU did that, family members would be saying sh*t about YOU, not her. How she’s the greatest woman ever to do all this solo. What do they say after you’ve done that for all those years?!"
"If they don’t say anything, I’d cut it out with them, because obviously they don’t care that she up and left her own flesh and blood for an ex. She doesn’t care about her kids. Otherwise, she’d never have done that and abandoned them." - Necessary_Brick3656
Fellow Redditors were disgusted that a person was willing to walk away from their whole life just to rekindle a relationship with someone after they came into wealth. Abandoning her children and her sick mother, and expecting her ex to fully take care of them while she left to live a rich lifestyle, was especially appalling.
But there was something to be said for her family, except for her mother, who advocated for her to get her old life back when her gold-digging one did not work out. Maybe the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.
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