Some people will walk out of our lives, and many of their reasons will not make sense.
But there isn't a reason in the world that might explain walking away from family, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Sufficient-Wall3453 was left by her husband nearly a decade prior, and she struggled to work, manage her home, and care for her three children in the years since he left.
When he reappeared, deciding that he'd made a terrible mistake, the Original Poster (OP) refused to let him back into her life.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by telling my husband to take a hike after he abandoned us for eight years?"
The OP was left by her husband eight years prior.
"I’m 43, he’s 45, and we were married for 12 years with three kids."
"Eight years ago, out of the blue, he left. No big fight, no dramatic exit, just a packed bag and a half-baked excuse about needing to 'find himself.'"
"At first, he picked up the phone now and then, but soon enough, that stopped, too."
"No child support, no birthday calls, nothing. Just silence."
The OP had to figure out how to handle life without her partner.
"Those early years were tough. I juggled two jobs, raising our kids solo."
"There were nights when I went to bed hungry so they could eat."
"I even sold family heirlooms just to make ends meet."
"Our oldest had to ditch extracurriculars because I couldn’t afford them."
"The kids? They struggled. For years, they couldn’t understand why their dad chose to be absent. I couldn’t provide them with any answers."
"Eventually, we found our stride. I landed a better job, the kids grew up, and we adjusted to life without him. It wasn’t a walk in the park, but we made it."
Suddenly, the OP's husband showed up, expecting to come back.
"Then, out of nowhere, a few months ago, he showed up at my door. Turns out, things haven’t been going great for him."
"He claims he regrets leaving, insists he was immature and selfish, and has supposedly spent years coming to terms with that mistake."
"He was in tears, begging for forgiveness, saying he wants his family back, wants to be the husband and father he never was."
"I told him absolutely not."
"I made it clear that he can’t just vanish during the toughest times and expect to waltz back in when it’s convenient for him."
"The kids are nearly grown. Those years of worry, sacrifice, and struggle were all ours without him."
The family was divided over the OP's husband reappearing.
"Some family members think I’m being heartless, that I should give him another shot because people can change."
"Others are on my side, saying I’m right to stand my ground."
"He keeps calling, insisting that everyone deserves a second chance and that I’m punishing him forever for one mistake."
"I don’t harbor any hatred toward him, but I also don’t feel like I owe him a second chance after carrying this family on my own for almost a decade."
"Am I wrong for saying no to letting him back into our lives?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that her husband had made his decision and had to live with it.
"NOR. He chose to keep committing to that mistake every morning for eight years. Does he even have money or a roof over his head that he provides for himself? Never let him back into your home, but relatives can clean out a spare room if they want to give him a chance." - ForLark
"NOR. OP, he left you to do the hard work, and wants to come back to help take credit. Who knows what the real reason is for wanting to return, but if you take him back, he knows you allowed it to happen once, and it’s okay to do again."
"You are doing great. And your kids are, too. Don’t allow him to mess with your minds." - The_Emo_Nun
"I wouldn’t be surprised if this epiphany came about because he needs a home." - MachaMorr
"He didn't make one mistake. He made a choice and stuck with it, making decisions every day."
"And now he's back with apparently nothing to offer you except apologies and need... It seems pretty clear there would be no apologies, no return, if there weren't the need." - AuntJ2583
"He didn't commit 'one mistake.' He made the conscious choice to stay gone for eight years. Every time you went without, every event and milestone he missed, every hour you spent working extra to make up for his lack of support, he was making his choice." - ToThestation_MUSIC
"Go kick rocks. As a father of three, through thick and thin, I can't imagine or understand just quitting your children and wife. I've read about these people, but don't actually know anyone who would do this."
"Who would do this?? To your children?" - mukwah
"He might be trying to come back because he has nowhere else to go. He's at rock bottom and chooses you. What a great thing to be someone's last choice..."
"Kick that garbage to the curb. He should have come bearing back child support, birthday gifts, gifts, or money for you. But no. He's only thinking of his needs. No way in the world." - neverdoneneverready
Others agreed and urged the OP to officially divorce him now that he was back in contact.
"Are you still married or did you divorce him? Don’t let him back into your life. If you haven’t divorced him, do it now. NOR." - PNL-Maine
"Now you can officially hand him divorce papers and back claim child support."
"He can try to make amends with the kids, but he can also rightfully f**k off." - pkzilla
"Tell him he owes your kids eight years of child support and you eight years of alimony, and watch him run." - DramaticAd5247
"He has shown who he is. He needs to sign some divorce papers and arrange eight years of back child support, and then he can go back under his rock and figure himself out." - SunBusiness8291
"NOR. Are you divorced? Get him on abandonment and get child support."
"I would find out if it was another woman. There has to be more to it than finding his stup*d self."
"Don't let him back in. Think of all the nights worrying about your babies eating." - Conscious_Subject_41
"The fact that he’s demanding you give him a second chance says it all. He’s showing he’s still selfish and only thinking of himself."
"His life didn’t work out how he wanted, so now he wants to go back to what he left. No one 'deserves' a second chance if you don’t want to give it, and particularly at the expense of your peace."
"Leave him in the past where he belongs." - Interesting_Novel997
"The whole talk about second chances, atonement and forgiveness being 'deserved' is nonsense. These are not inherent rights, you are not 'owed' a do-over when you f*ck up."
"Society loves to abuse the victims by pressuring them to relent, to soften, to be 'the bigger person' because the victim is the weaker party and it's easier to pile on and erode the resolve of the weaker party." - Misommar1246
Some also side-eyed the people in the OP's life who wanted her to reconcile.
"Whoever thinks you should be opening your home and heart to this loser, they need to open their heart to him."
"Does he even have employment? A reliable vehicle?"
"What were your children’s reactions? Go with your gut. You worked very hard to be where you are. Be very proud of yourself." - Inevitable-Jicama366
"A second chance would have been if he woke up the next morning and realized how terrible he was."
"Eight years later?! No chance. Countless events missed and struggles to be avoided." - Rush_Is_Right
"Anyone who says OP is heartless needs to be blocked as well."
"How ironic to call OP the heartless one after the husband left and never checked on her and the kids for most of eight years! They could have died during that time, and he wouldn’t have had a clue." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"Did he tell you where he ended up? I'd like to know where those eight years were spent, and with whom."
"And I can't imagine that his parents/siblings DIDN'T know where he was, which is likely why they're on some fantasy of the 'second chances and forgiveness' train." - Candid_Jellyfish_240
"Block that loser. You don’t owe him anything. He didn’t care about you or your kids for years, and now that he wants your help, he shows up begging for forgiveness."
"A man who doesn’t pay child support or care if his kids are going hungry is not a man worth having."
"People who say you should forgive him are id**ts." - Sloth_grrl
"The fact that he is guilting you and calling eight years of abandoning his children 'one mistake,' like it’s no big deal, shows he’s just as much the piece of shit he was when he left."
"NOR, and anyone who guilts you into taking him back does not love you or your children." - noeinan
The subReddit was alarmed that a person could leave their partner and three children for nearly a decade, causing their former family to financially struggle and wonder where their next meal would come from.
Walking away for eight hours and realizing they made a horrible mistake would have been hurtful, but possibly forgivable with serious effort. Eight years is unfathomable.
