No kids at a wedding has been a growing trend.
A lot of adults just want to have adult fun at an adult event.
Some spaces and venues now even ask not to involve kids.
This can be very frustrating for parents.
They may need to bring their kids in order to attend.
What is everyone to do?
Redditor First-Environment-92 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend I don’t want her to bring her toddler to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 F[emale]) am getting married soon, and I’ve been planning every detail of the day for a long time.”
“I’ve always imagined it as a special, intimate event, and after months of planning, I decided to have a no-kids policy for the wedding.”
“One of my closest friends (26 F) has a 3-year-old son, and recently she asked if she could bring him.”
“I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I told her I couldn’t make an exception, especially since the venue has a strict no-kids rule. It was hard for me to say it, but I thought it was important to stick to my decision.”
“She was really upset, and now she’s saying I’m being unreasonable and that I don’t care about her or her son.”
“I understand she wants to share the day with him, but I just want the day to go the way I’ve dreamed of for years.”
“I’m starting to feel really guilty, and I hate that this is causing tension.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for not allowing her to bring her son?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your friend doesn’t care about you.”
“Her 3-year-old isn’t going to remember the day.”
“It’s not about her; it’s about you and your partner getting married.”
“If sharing the day with her son is so important, then she should RSVP no and spend the day with her son.” ~ CallingThatBS
“NTA. A 3-year-old will not care about being at a wedding.”
“She should get a sitter or have family watch him, if that’s an option, and enjoy the wedding with you.” ~ ogo7
“This should be a non-issue.”
“You’ve booked the venue.”
“It is strictly no kids.”
“Sorry, no kids.”
“Expecting someone to cater their wedding to your toddler makes you the a**hole.”
“Not wanting kids at your wedding has become an acceptable choice.”
“NTA. Hopefully you’ve given plenty of notice tho so she has child care arranged.” ~ LadyHorseFace13
“Child-free means just that.”
“Friends who think rules don’t apply to them turn out not to be friends. NTA.” ~ Dunesgirl
“NTA and no need to feel guilty.”
“A lot of venues and people have the ‘no kids’ rule, and as long as you’re enforcing it on everyone, don’t let your friend guilt-trip you.” ~ RonitSarangi
“OP, I’ve been to two dear friends’ weddings this year, maid of honor for both (and yes, I am relieved it is over, I know you know what I mean! 😅).”
“One was ‘children can come to the ceremony only,’ the other was ‘respectfully no children at either ceremony or reception.'”
“Both brides had one or two people upset over this.”
“And you know what happened? Nothing.”
“The friends who had to organise sitters ended up admitting how nice it was to attend the event without them, to just be able to be there and absorb the day.”
“You are the bride.”
“This is your day, not your friends or your friends’ kids.”
“You maintain that very normal boundary and don’t feel bad for a single second.”
“You’ve enough on your plate, and your friend is not thinking with either compassion or logic.”
“I’d stay the course and let it blow over.”
“She is an adult and needs to be able to manage her emotions and think with practicality.”
“That’s not your job, and if she doesn’t grow up and figure it out, then this has been a blessing for you either way.”
“I hope it’s magical!” ~ RealCommercial9788
“Your friend is the AH.”
“If you make an exception for her, then you have to for everyone, and it’s an adult party with no accommodations for kids.”
“She should be more graceful and less manipulative.” ~ Available_Ask_9958
“NTA. I personally would use the venue’s rules as the scapegoat.”
“Just double down and say some version of ‘I’m really sorry, but the venue has a very strict no children allowed policy that I can’t break, or they’ll cancel our reservation and we won’t get our deposit back.'”
“Your wedding, your choice.” ~ Funny_Minimum_2925
“NTA… she’s the A-hole for asking for an exception when it’s been clearly communicated that no kids.”
“Her child is 3, not a breastfeeding newborn (even if he was, you still NTA).”
“She needs to make arrangements for her son, or she needs to stay home.”
“You need to be ok and understand without judgment or tension if she decides to stay home.”
“This may be the 1st time he is not invited to an adults-only event, but it will not be the last.”
“I say this as a single mom who sometimes wasn’t able to attend events because I didn’t have childcare, but I did send a gift with a card (when appropriate), and I always sent a text with well wishes and apologizing for not being there.”
“I hope you have the wedding you are dreaming of and wish you a lifetime of love and laughter!” ~ Spiritual_Trust_5118
“If she wants to attend, it’s up to her to find a babysitter or make the dad parent.”
“It’s not hard. NTA.” ~ MtnMoose307
“NTA. 3-year-olds are too little to understand they have to behave and be quiet.”
“Your friend is being selfish.” ~ Easy-Wishbone5413
“She doesn’t want to share the day with him, a three-year-old couldn’t care less about a wedding (and most likely hate it).”
“She doesn’t want to hire child care.”
“Tell her you understand if she can’t make the wedding due to child care, but it is a 100% child-free wedding.” ~ Number-2-Sis
“NTA. It’s YOUR wedding.”
“The day is not about her and her son or their relationship.”
“Expecting to be able to share all important adult experiences with your toddler is…well, silly.”
“Some things can be just for adults, and expecting those events to make exceptions for your child because you think you/your child are special is some main character energy.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
“It sounds like YOU aren’t making the rule, the venue is.”
“Just keep reinforcing that point.” ~ Wise-Matter9248
“NTA. Why is it so important that she ‘share the experience’ with her 3-year-old?”
“He will get bored and distracted quickly, act up, and so on.”
“Weddings are not brief affairs.”
“Even without an adults-only policy, bringing a toddler is not a wise choice, unless day care is part of the arrangement.”
“Besides, you have chosen a venue that doesn’t allow children.”
“You did that for a reason.”
“If your friend can’t respect that, then maybe she should find something else to do on your wedding day.” ~ TheWacoFogey
“NTA, you are enforcing consistently.” ~ Cool-Cobbler4324
“NTA, it’s your wedding day, not hers.”
“My wife and I had a no-kids policy at our wedding; we had a few people decline because of it, but it was definitely the right decision for us.” ~ Interesting-Client63
“NTA, it’s your wedding, which is a special event most three-year-olds can’t sit through quietly.”
“So rather than interrupting the wedding with his activity, you want the focus on the service.”
“I bet if mom put a timer on, her son couldn’t sit in a strange place quietly that long. “
“Also, a three-year-old won’t enjoy the wedding.”
“He won’t remember the wedding.”
“This is why we have babysitters.”
“Something your venue understands better than she does.” ~ julesk
“NTA, the VENUE has a no kids policy.”
“You could be fined.”
“And also you don’t want children.”
“If she were hosting a girls’ night and you asked to bring your fiancé, how would she react?”
“She’s old enough that she should understand that this isn’t unreasonable.”
“If she really makes this a big deal, kindly ask her not to come.”
“People get so weird around other people’s weddings.”
“Enjoy your day, don’t risk getting fined hundreds by the venue just to appease 1 friend.” ~ megamini99
“NTA. If you make one exception, then you were an AH to everyone else who has kids and would have wanted to bring them.”
“This is not about her specific toddler… It’s about all kids.”
“Now, if you have a 14 yo sister or niece… that’s been established as definitely the AH toward her somewhere on Reddit.” ~ CobraJewel
“NTA. The venue is no kids, and the event is no kids.”
“I get her wanting to spend time with her kids, but it’s also fine to spend time without the kids.”
“If she has some limitations on getting a babysitter of some kind and you want her there, you could offer to help cover the cost of a babysitter, even if it’s a member of her family.” ~ Ok-disaster2022
“NTA, your wedding, your rules.”
“Toddlers should not be at weddings.”
“I absolutely love kids, but there are events they should not attend.”
“Don’t be surprised or offended if she doesn’t go to your wedding, though, which is understandable since she’s a single mom.” ~ CuriousMindedAA
“NTA, I’m 27 F and got engaged this year.”
“I also want a kid-free wedding because I don’t want to walk down the aisle hearing a screaming child.”
“And I know people will be very drunk and smoking weed at my wedding… lol.”
“If you really want her there, I would offer to arrange childcare for her or ask my maid of honor or mom to arrange it or something.”
“That’s probably the last thing you need to be doing before the wedding, but there are 3 options. “
“You offer to figure it out, leave your friend to figure it out, or she doesn’t need to come.” ~ Nice_Answer_1280
Rules are rules, OP.
This is your day.
Don’t let this stress you out.
Enjoy your special time.