The invite list for a wedding can be one of the most stressful compilations one makes.
Who do you leave off, or neglect is always the outlier.
But one of the most irritating invites can be a person’s new relationship.
You don’t just invite the “maybe this will workouts.”
Do you?
Case in point…
Redditor WhenSeptember3nds wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“WIBTA if I don’t invite my cousin’s throuple to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m getting married this year and while I’m incredibly excited, it’s come with a few unexpected dilemmas.”
“I think I’m a pretty tolerant and accepting person.”
“About 5 years ago, my mom came out as gay and I was very happy for her that she could now be her true self.”
“She married my step mom a few years ago who has brought so much joy to her life and I love the two of them very much.”
“I am also inviting another lesbian couple and a gay couple to my wedding.”
“In addition, we also invited my cousin who is transgender.”
“My family for the most part is pretty accepting of the LGBTQ+ community.”
“I have one aunt who refused to come to my mom’s wedding because my mom was gay so I am not inviting this aunt to my wedding.”
“My fiancé’s mom expressed that their side of the family may not be as accepting as mine and they may have a problem with seeing gay and transgender people at my wedding.”
“I asked for names of who she thought might be an issue since I don’t want anyone at my wedding who will cause a scene.”
“My fiancé and I reached out to these family members individually to discuss and none of them seemed to have an issue with it.”
“Honestly, I think his mom is secretly the one with the issue and she was just trying to pawn her discomfort off onto others but I digress.”
“Now onto the main issue…”
“My wedding is a few months away and my cousin, Tammy, reached out to me and asked if she could have an additional plus one so she could bring the other two members of her throuple relationship.”
“Tammy was not in this relationship when I initially sent out save the dates earlier this year so we had only planned to give her one plus one initially.”
“While we have the room to give her the extra plus one and I’m really happy that my cousin is happy in her new relationship, here are my issues with this…”
“Tammy lives several states away from the rest of our family and no one else knows she’s in a throuple.”
“I don’t like the idea of her essentially ‘coming out’ at my wedding and taking the focus away from me and my fiancé.”
“Prior to this, she has only ever been in monogamous heterosexual relationships so this would be quite the news for everyone.”
“Tammy’s mom, Tasha, is very religious.”
“I don’t think Tasha knows her daughter is in a throuple.”
“Tasha is helping us out tremendously with decorations for our wedding all as a wedding gift to us.”
“And even though Tasha is accepting of the other LGBTQ+ family members we have, I’m not so sure she’ll be as accepting of her daughter’s new relationship.”
“My fiancé’s mom already seems nervous about the LGBTQ+ family members we have coming.”
“Inviting a throuple might just push her over the edge.”
“My mom thinks I should invite Tammy’s partners since she views it the same as not inviting someone because they’re gay.”
“My fiancé isn’t really on board with inviting them because it’s a new relationship and he doesn’t want to cause any issues with anyone or have the focus taken away from the two of us on our day.”
“So what do you think?”
“Will I be the a**hole if I don’t invite them?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA Honestly, your wedding should not double, even incidentally, as her relationship reveal event.”
“She must know there may be reactions from her family that could cause a disruption at the wedding.”
“It’s not a matter of not accepting her relationships, it’s a matter of there being a time and place for dealing with potentially loudly emotional and difficult family and relationship issues and your wedding isn’t it.”
“I would keep the reason to yourself if possible and just tell her that you’re sorry but you can’t accommodate another plus one for her as you you are having to manage numbers and whatnot.”
“Hopefully she’ll leave it at that considering it’s so close to the wedding.” ~ jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
“NTA no matter what you decide.”
“I personally wouldn’t invite the third member of the throuple because it may cause resentment among everyone else.”
“There will be people who will be paying for babysitters because they only got a ‘plus one’ and that means the kids are at home alone.”
“There will be people who will have had to choose who to invite as their plus-one and that may have offended other people in their lives.”
“The tradition is only to invite married couples because that way there are fewer people to pay for.”
“Many people have had to relax that rule for relatives/friends in long-term relationships for whom it would be rude and weird to leave a partner of decades at home.”
“But this person Tammy wants to bring wasn’t even dating Tammy when you sent the invitations out. Their relationship is new.”
“I think Tammy was rude to ask. Everyone knows it’s rude to pressure to be allowed to bring extra people to a wedding.”
“So there are reasons that have nothing to do with the potential drama surrounding the Throuple announcement.”
“I think it makes a lot of sense that you don’t want drama at your wedding.”
“If you ultimately decide to let Tammy bring the third person, you should be very frank with her.”
“Require that she informs any of her relatives who will be at the wedding before the wedding.”
“You don’t deserve to have your wedding descend into Jerry Springer territory.” ~ Antstst
“Tammy needs to come out before the wedding 100%.”
“However, your explanation about people getting angry because they are not allowed to bring their kids and yada yada, plus ones are supposed to be for your partner, not your kids.”
“Telling someone in a throuple they gotta pick which partner they are taking because is ‘unfair’ because couples only get 1 plus one makes absolutely no sense.”
“It’s like going to a kids birthday party and *itching because you only got 2 prizes for your 2 kids while a family of five kids got ‘extra’ 3.” ~ calliopegrey
“NTA. Other peoples events are not the place to come out.”
“Which showing up as a throuple for the first time – a throuple no one knows about – is a come out.”
“I’ll never understand why people can’t let other people have their moments.”
“If you want your own special moment, plan and pay for it yourself.” ~ winsomebunny
“NTA, this isn’t about her being in throuple to the wedding, it’s about her using your wedding as a reveal event.”
“You don’t do something that’ll draw attention away from the marriage, especially something that is likely to cause arguments or similar scenes at the wedding.”
“That being said I wouldn’t say that is why and find some other reason to refuse, like managing the guest count.” ~ Free_Ad_7708
OP came back with some new deets…
“UPDATE: I reached out to Tammy and said I was fine with her inviting both her partners so long as she announced her relationship to the family prior to the wedding.”
“She informed me that they actually broke up.”
“The guy in the relationship decided he wasn’t comfortable with the throuple and the woman stuck by his side so my cousin is now single again.”
Reddit continued…
“I was thinking of saying almost the same thing!!”
“OP: Tammy, of course your full throuple are invited.”
“But I need you to understand that I desperately want and need my big day to be as drama free as possible.”
“So I need you to move heaven and Earth to fully come out to the family or at least your immediate family at least a month before the wedding.”
“Also OP: Please understand, I Am Happy For You and I want your happiness.”
“But I have been dreaming about and planning my wedding for a long time and truly believe that it should be about me and my fiancé.”
“So I would naturally object to anyone in either family using the wedding as an unofficial come out event.” ~ Betrayed_Orphan
Well OP… looks like you dodged a bullet.
And rightfully so as it was not your bullet to dodge.
But… it does seem like Reddit was on your side regardless.
Congratulations!!