When it comes to social etiquette, should the “rules” be more important than a host’s personal comfort and boundaries?
A wife planning her delayed wedding reception turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit for feedback on proper wedding invitation etiquette.
Imhereforagoodtime66 asked:
“AITA if l invite everyone from my husband’s friend group except one girl to our wedding reception?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (25, female) have been married to my husband (27, male) for a year now, but we’re finally having the reception in December this year.
“My husband had a friend group since high school that all went to school together. Besides us, it consists of 5 couples and 3 single people.”
“The girl (27, female) I mentioned is the only single girl in the group. Let’s call her Tiffany. Tiffany dated one of the guys (27, male) for 5 years before breaking up with him after she cheated on him.”
“He quickly moved on and started dating a younger coworker (24, female). They have been dating for 2 years now. Tiffany was very bitter over the breakup and caused a stir in the friend group even though it was all her fault.”
“I am considering not inviting her due to an incident that happened last year during Christmas. That year, we all got gifts for each other.”
“We hosted the Christmas event at our house and everyone came on time except her. Not only was she late, she also didn’t greet my husband and I, but she greeted everyone else.”
“She also got everyone gifts except for my husband and I citing that she only got gifts for the ‘real couples’. I brushed it off the first time, but she said it again twice. She left early, and everyone, including us, was confused as to why she acted like that.”
“As for the real couple thing, we had a baby prior to marriage, so she felt like we only got married because of the baby.”
“Most of the friend group sided with us, but a girl and a guy were defending her, claiming her social awkwardness and inability to read social cues were why she acted the way she did.”
“I felt like her words and actions were so deliberate—like, there’s no way she forgot to get us gifts or greet us. She knew better. It felt rude and on purpose.”
“Even though half of the group dislike her, the other half are still fond of her and close to her. They hang out with her regularly. We still hang out with them too, but without that girl in attendance.”
“Tiffany also reacted poorly to news of my pregnancy. She asked if it was an accident, if we truly loved each other, etc… It was the strangest reaction I had to my pregnancy.”
“For some context, I dated my husband for 2 years before our engagement and marriage. We have a baby. We also have known each other for nearly ten years and were close friends for most of that time before we started dating.”
“I was not part of this friend group until we started dating, even though I also went to school with them. My husband also isn’t close to her and never has been. They have never gotten along.”
“She’s really sweet to the other women in the friend group except me. We’re the only married couple with a baby in the group. Everyone else is dating seriously. No engagements yet.”
“I’m making this post because I’m reading that it’s rude to exclude one person out of a whole friend group to a wedding. Just wondering if I’m in the wrong for this.”
“My husband is supportive and we both don’t want to invite her.”
The OP later added:
“I know a lot of people are saying my husband and her might have hooked up or something. Tiffany is still very much in love with her ex.”
“Since the breakup, she has only dated guys who look almost exactly the same as her ex even if they aren’t compatible. My husband looks nothing like her ex.”
“My husband also gave her a hard time following the breakup because he was very close to the ex boyfriend she cheated on.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Not inviting a friend to our wedding, and I might be the a**hole because it’s perceived as rude to exclude someone if you invite everyone else to an event.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Let’s be perfectly clear. She f*cking sucks.”
“You don’t talk to someone like that unless you mean it. ‘Social Awkwardness’? Come on, that’s just an they’re using to let her get away with sh*tty behavior.”
“Social awkwardness is being awkward. It isn’t being deliberately rude and nasty.”
“She’s being an a**hole, and you don’t need to put up with that. If it was just a general sense of discomfort around her, I would say you were the a**hole to exclude just her, but this clearly is a targeted thing she’s doing.”
“She is jealous that you and your husband are going through life committed to one another. You are doing all the things she wishes she could do, but because of her cheating, is unable to.”
“If you don’t want her at your wedding reception, that’s your right. You aren’t the a**hole for wanting people that you actually like at your wedding reception.”
“Plus who knows, she might do something batshit crazy and ruin the whole thing. NTA.” ~ Question_1234567
“Social awkwardness could have maybe excused her failing to greet the hosts, but nothing else she said.”
“Like, I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth before, but immediately realized and apologized. This girl tripled down and went even further. NTA.” ~ Comfortable_Yard_464
“And also, who gets gifts for everyone EXCEPT the hosts‽‽” ~ Fianna9
“Who asks a married couple if they got pregnant by accident?
“Yes, there are couples who don’t plan for children, but who the f*ck would ask unless they explicitly said they didn’t want to have children beforehand?”
“OP, NTA. Cut the cancer out of your lives.” ~ SuddenlyPineapple1
“Who also says the only married couple is not a ‘real’ couple in front of other people? Who does this woman think she is? NTA. I wouldn’t invite her either.” ~ Mmm_lemon_cakes
“In their own home, too, at a function they are hosting!!! She’s awful.” ~ BuzzyLightyear100
“Since she doesn’t consider them a ‘real’ couple, there’s no reason for her to be at the party for their wedding. NTA.” ~ HippieGrandma1962
“I think that’s a perfectly acceptable explanation, too, for anyone who wants to know why she’s not invited: ‘There were other hurtful words and actions over the years, however she repeatedly referred to us as “not a real couple,” so we chose to not put her in the awkward situation of feeling obligated to attend an event she did not believe in, or might cause a scene reflecting her feelings towards our relationship’.” ~ JeepPilot
“NTA, when she or anyone else asks for an explanation, simply tell them that she doesn’t think you two are a real couple and she thinks your baby is a mistake AND TOLD YOU THIS, so why would she be invited to the wedding reception?” ~ IAmTAAlways
“And, be prepared to not include her in future events either. If you do not invite her to your wedding reception, you are basically flipping her the bird, which is fine and quite honestly deserved.”
“But you guys need to not include her in any social activities for which you control the guest list from here on out. NTA.” ~ ZombieHealthy2616
“NTA. No you don’t need to invite the one person in the group who questioned the integrity of your relationship.”
“It might be rude to leave them out, but it’s much ruder to do what she did.” ~ ReviewOk929
“After cheating but managing to stay in the group, she may feel insecure and protective of her spot inside the circle of friends.”
“Anyone who works with preteens and teens will see this behavior regularly—students will try to strengthen their sense of being ‘in’ a group by picking on someone they deem ‘out’.”
“OP, she’s trying to edge you out and used your own party to socialize with everyone but you. She would only come to your wedding reception to stake her claim on your mutual friends.”
“She would not be there to celebrate your marriage. It will definitely upset her if you hang out with the group without her, but it’s her own fault she’s not getting an invite. NTA.” ~ HowlPen
“NTA. From what I read, she doesn’t like you and your husband. She doesn’t deserve to get to come and celebrate your marriage.”
“I would not invite her just because there’s a risk she could say something else that could put a damper on your event.” ~ Having-hope3594
“NTA, but if you do invite her, expect her to show up, not greet you and not get you a gift. You and your husband aren’t friends with her, she’s rude, questions the integrity of your relationship, and causes drama when she doesn’t get her way. Nope, nope and nope.”
“She wasn’t happy about your pregnancy, and she won’t be happy about your nuptials. Joy-sucks don’t get invites to fancy, expensive events. I would not want to pay for her to eat and drink on your dime. If your friends can’t understand, then they can sit it out with her.” ~ Eastern_Condition863
It sounds like the OP got their answer. Rude people don’t get invitations—etiquette be damned.