Content Warning: Classism
When it comes to special events like weddings, it makes sense that we would like for the event to be beautiful, aesthetic, and fun.
But the aesthetics shouldn’t come at the expense of the wedding party or the guests, pointed out the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Sea-World-3617 looked on as his brother and future sister-in-law prepared for their wedding day, while the bride wondered why her future husband did not want her family to attend.
When he overheard his brother say the real reason why he didn’t want his future in-laws to attend, the Original Poster (OP) knew that he had to tell the bride the truth.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my brother’s fiancée the real reason he won’t let her invite her family to their wedding?”
The OP’s brother refused to let his future wife invite her family to their wedding.
“My (29 Male) brother (32 Male) is engaged to his fiancée (30 Female), and their wedding is in a few months.”
“Everything was going fine until she mentioned wanting to invite her side of the family.”
“My brother immediately shut it down, saying it would ‘ruin the wedding.'”
“She was devastated.”
“For context, her family is lower-income, and she’s the only one in her family who went to college and built a successful career.”
“Our family is pretty well off, and my brother has always been obsessed with keeping up appearances.”
When the OP learned the truth, he couldn’t keep it from the bride.
“I thought he was just being shallow, but then I found out the real reason.”
“A few weeks ago, at a family gathering, I overheard my brother talking to our parents. He admitted he doesn’t want her family at the wedding because ‘they’re embarrassing’ and ‘look like they came from a trailer park.'”
“He even joked that her dad looks like he ‘crawled out of a Walmart clearance bin.'”
“I was disgusted.”
“His fiancée later asked me if I knew why he was so against inviting her family.”
“I tried to dodge the question, but she was genuinely heartbroken and kept pressing me.”
“I finally told her the truth. She went silent, thanked me, and left.”
The reveal split the family.
“Now, everything has exploded. She confronted him, called him a classist, and is considering calling off the wedding.”
“My brother is furious and says I ‘ruined his life’ by meddling.”
“Our parents are on his side, saying I should have kept my mouth shut.”
“I feel like she had a right to know, but now I’m wondering if I was wrong for telling her.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the bride had a right to know all of the information.
“NTA, you did the right thing. She deserved to know before marrying someone who looks down on her family.”
“Your brother wasn’t just being shallow; he was straight-up cruel, and that’s a massive red flag.”
“If he’s ashamed of them now, imagine how he’d treat them (and her) in the long run. And what about their future kids?”
“He ruined his own life by saying those things, you just gave her the truth.” – aambiibambii
“I bet she already knew on some level why her future husband didn’t want her family to be there but needed to hear it from someone else that she wasn’t wrong. I’m grateful that you told her. NTA.” – TigerMearns90
“NTA, OP! It’s better she finds out her fiance is an a**hole now rather than in a few years with kids, etc.”
“He sounds as if he would have refused contact with the in-laws for his children. Isolation is a form of domestic abuse in the UK.”
“Or he would have talked trash to the kid about his grandparents. That’s not okay, either. My in-laws and I don’t always get along, but we praise each other to my daughter.”
“It’s a matter of respect and mutual love for a child that deserves a relationship with all of us on her own terms.” – SidewaysTugboat
“NTA. Your brother’s fiancée deserved to know the truth, especially since your brother was misleading her about significant aspects of his life. It’s better she found out now rather than later.”
“Your brother’s reaction is understandable, but he brought this upon himself by not being honest.” – VelvetRainbowDream
“NTA. Your brother is a massive loser who’s spending his life worrying about the wrong things.”
“He’s likely to put any woman he ends up with through a miserable life. Hopefully, she sticks to her U-turn and lives her own life.”
“Also, this was a ballsy move, I must say. Maybe she chose the wrong brother.” – No-Brother-9252
“NTA. Your brother is, though. The things he said about his fiancée’s family are beyond disrespectful.”
“It’s not just about the wedding; it’s about his character. He’s showing how little he values her and her family. She deserves someone who sees her for who she is and supports her, not someone who is embarrassed by her background.”
“Honestly, you did the right thing telling her. She had every right to know what kind of person she’s marrying before it’s too late.” – MacaroonOver980
“NTA. You did the right thing. Your suck-a** brother doesn’t love her. If he did, he’d know what he was saying was horrible, self-centered, shallow, and cruel.”
“She needed to know what a loser she was getting ready to marry. I hope she calls the whole thing off because her life with him would be awful.”
“Your brother sucks. YOU didn’t ruin his life. He’s doing that all on his own.”
“And f**k your parents too. SHE HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW that your family is full of classist a**holes. If they want people to view and speak better of them, they need to be better.” – JanetInSpain
Others pointed out that the bride had every right to leave.
“I’m amazed a woman was told, ‘Your family can’t come to your wedding,’ and didn’t immediately call off the wedding. That’s her decision and her decision alone, not the groom’s. If he tries to make it his choice, especially no matter how she protests, then he’s not worth dating.” – zonked282
“Honestly, the second he told her he didn’t want HER side but wanted HIS side, she should have bailed.” – StrangledInMoonlight
“NTA, but honestly, I’m shocked she’s still with him after he said her family would ruin the wedding, even without explaining why. If I were her, I would have been furious from the moment he excluded my family from such a major event. Hopefully some of their deposits are refundable, at least.” – tiragooen
“The fact that she couldn’t just ask him and get a direct answer tells me the relationship is flawed from the start, you didn’t ruin anything. If she has to go to you instead of her own fiance, that is a problem. You didn’t ruin anything, they didn’t have much to begin with.” – Sufficient_Teach_137
“Who doesn’t invite the bride’s family to her wedding?! Better yet, who tells the bride she can’t invite her own family to her own wedding? That’s a big nope. It’s not that it’s just ‘her day,’ but she should get to invite whoever she wants, especially when it comes to family.” – SidewaysTugboat
“You are allowed to invite or not invite whoever you want, but there is a difference between a child deciding on his/her own to not invite his/her side of the family, or the spouse deciding that his partner should not be allowed to invite her side of the family while going all out for his.”
“It would have been a different story if both had agreed to not have any family involved, or maybe just the parents from each side, but that’s not what happened here.”
“OP’s brother decided his fiancée should not have her family at her wedding. What an AH!” – Top-Spite-1288
“It is mind-boggling that his edict that her family cannot come was not a deal breaker. In what universe is this HIS unilateral decision? Major red flag!”
“Why would she agree to that? It is her wedding too, and in Western society, the focus tends to be more on the bride than the groom. (It shouldn’t be, but culturally it is often perceived that way.)”
“It would be one thing if she didn’t want to include her parents due to estrangement, but clearly, that is not the case. Your brother is the a**hole, not you.” – kandoux
“Here’s the biggest issue: he wanted to marry this specific woman probably because she wasn’t like boring other girls he’s met; YET the reason she probably is fun, unique, and loveable is because of that very family that he wants to exclude.”
“You see, if he wanted a boring wet mop of a girlfriend, all he would have had to do is go to another house in your Kevin McAllister cul-de-sac, find a girl from a family that mirrors your own, but with daughters, and voila, there’s that cookie cutter family you want her to have.”
“But at the same time, she can’t do anything for herself, thinks everything revolves around her and that people with less money don’t deserve what she does, and oh, and she doesn’t know if she can come to your Sunday dinner because she’s getting her lip filler that day. There’s also a game on Sunday? Soccer or something.”
“The reason he chose her to marry wouldn’t even exist in another situation because her unique personalities have quite literally been influenced and shaped by the dynamic of the family in which she came from. It’s always some boy who got handed everything who wants a girl who had to quite literally fight to be who she currently is.”
“You may have ‘ruined’ the life he was trying for, but you saved hers.”
“NTA, my friend, NTA.” – Mainconfusion_9
While some Redditors were surprised that the bride had not already left over her family not being able to attend her wedding, no one had anything to say about the OP telling her the real reason her family couldn’t go.
There was no way the groom’s perception of his in-laws would end on his wedding day. More than likely, it would only escalate, and it would surely impact the bride and their potential future children more over time.
The bride had every right to have all of the information in front of her so that she could make the decision that was best for her, not just the groom.