Child free weddings are not a bad idea, but some people still need accommodations for their kids before and after the wedding. Most people can’t afford to just drop everything and leave their children for days at a time.
Redditor Clean_Freedom9813 encountered this very issue with her sister. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not attending my sister’s wedding due to it being child free?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister’s getting married in a month and she just now announced that her wedding is gonna be child free. I don’t mind the idea, my wedding was child free too and I’m a believer of child free weddings in general.”
“But the thing is, I’m a mother of two kids.”
“One of them is 2 years old and heavily disabled and I can’t afford to find care for her. The other one is barely a month old.”
“To explain some things. My sister lives 8 hours away and that’s where her wedding will be. She’ll rent out hotel rooms for the main family members (parents and siblings of the couple), we’ll spend 3 days there, one day before the wedding, the day of and one day after.”
“The thing is the hotel she booked also has a no kid policy so anyone in the family with kids should hire a baby sitter for those 3 days. I wouldn’t mind hiring a babysitter but it’s a last minute announcement and to my area it’s nearly impossible to find a babysitter who can care for a special needs child and a newborn.”
“Also I can’t be away for 3 days from my newborn since I have to breastfeed.”
OP tried to figure it out with her husband.
“My husband and I had a discussion that either he or I should stay behind with the kids and one of us could attend the wedding.”
“I could leave some breast milk on the special bags in the fridge for him to give our newborn if I went to the wedding. We thought that this would be a good compromise.”
“When I told my sister she got mad, said I’m not thinking of her special day and demands I find a babysitter and we come as a couple. I asked what’s her deal with me attending the wedding alone and she didn’t give a clear explanation she just said I’m TA for even daring to think that not attending the wedding as a couple with my husband would be acceptable.”
“I told her I’m sorry for that but my kid’s needs come first, I respect her decisions and rules about the wedding but it’s a last minute announcement and I can’t find a babysitter right now (I’ve searched for endless hours so this solution was my last resort) and since the hotel has a no kids policy and I can’t bring the kids to the hotel at least so they’d be near in case of need, then one of the parents stays behind.”
“If they were allowed in the hotel I wouldn’t have trouble finding a babysitter for few hours but a whole 3 day weekend is impossible.”
OP’s family was also against it.
“My parents have told me I’m TA for ruining my sister’s wedding but I can’t understand how that would possibly ruin her wedding at all.”
“I told them that since she had a child free wedding she should expect that some people might not be able to show up and that not everyone has the money to give to a babysitter every time they are invited to a child free wedding and she should be ok with people not coming if they can’t.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“I was all ready with n-a-h until your sister said you couldn’t attend the wedding alone, and that the hotel is also childfree. WTF is that?”
“You came up with compromises and she stomped on them.”
“She has basically engineered her wedding so that unless you output a significant amount of money and leave your kids with a sitter for 3 days, you can’t attend. That’s harsh.”
“NTA for you. But your sister…” ~ Andante79
“Having a sitter for 3 days is expensive enough on its own but even if I had the money and comfort to do that, I still wouldn’t be able to find one, the wedding is literally one month away (less than a month to be honest). It’s so last minute it’s impossible.” ~ Clean_Freedom9813
“I’m so sorry she’s put you in this situation. She’s basically made it impossible for you to attend… and then is mad/shocked that you won’t attend. Definition of Bridezilla.” ~ Andante79
“Even if it weren’t last minute, even if you had all the money in the world to afford it, I think expecting you to leave your disabled toddler AND your newborn with a sitter for three days is completely insane.”
“It just is. NTA!” ~ Environmental_Cat670
“This! I wouldn’t leave my newborn baby for 3 days. For a wedding! Hell. And my special needs kid? It must be hard to find a babysitter.”
“Dear OP, you are a great person as you considered a babysitter, going on your own, your husband was okay with caring alone for three days for the kids (as you would have done as well, and I can’t even imagine how much work it is for both of you), what may take him absence from work and spending hours in finding a solution.”
“And your sister expects what exactly? In fact I wouldn’t expect you to come at all or be happy with seeing you a couple of hours on wedding day, paying the flight for you.”
“She’s bridewell as hell and you are NTA, NTA, NTA. I just can’t believe it.” ~ Exotic-Storm-2281
“Who uses a child free hotel? I’m sure they exist but I’ve actually never seen one except in an adults only resort type place. There are lots of hotels…at least choose one that’s more flexible! NTA but your sister and your family are very much TAs.” ~ rainyhawk
OP just needs a little flexibility from her sister.