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Bride Livid After Maid Of Honor Sister Insists On Bringing Stepdaughter To Child-Free Wedding

A worried bride chews her nails

A wedding invite is not meant to be a suggestion.

Couples are serious about their choices when planning.

But then again, sometimes the lines can seem blurred.

There is always that saying, better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Though, that doesn’t seem to apply.

Case in point…

Redditor Suspicious_Tonight61 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA For bringing my daughter to a childfree wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I, 32 F[emale], have a 15-year-old daughter.”

“My sister, 35 F, got married last week.”

“I was her M[aid] o[f] H[onor].”

“My sister said that no children would be allowed at her wedding as they are loud and noisy.”

“I brought my 15-year-old daughter because her aunt was getting married, and she wanted to wish her well!”

“At the wedding, my parents were shooting me daggers, and my sister came over furious.”

“She asked, ‘Who was I to completely disregard her rules?'”

“I was confused until she pointed out that my daughter should not be there.”

“I argued, saying that the reason she didn’t want children there was because they would misbehave.”

“My daughter was silent, never on her phone, and was extremely respectful.”

“I left the wedding early, and my parents are blowing up my phone with angry texts.”

“My husband agrees with me but says I could have handled the situation better.”

“My sister is refusing to speak with me until I apologize, but I don’t think I did anything wrong.”

“So, AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“YTA – Hi internet, I did a thing I was specifically asked not to do, AITA?”

“Yes, you definitely are.”  ~ rhomboidus

“I get that from an appropriateness standpoint, but for behavioral reasons?”

“If I hear that it’s child-free because kids are disruptive, I’m thinking they mean little kids who can’t sit through the ceremony, not a well-behaved 15-year-old who’s no more disruptive than any other guest.”

“Especially when the 15-year-old and the bride have a good relationship.”

“She still should have asked, though, because on the other hand, the daughter wasn’t specifically invited, and the bride likely assumed +1 meant OP’s husband.”  ~ dogsarefun

“Yeah, but the problem is that someone else who left their 15-year-old at home sees yours and is mad at your sister (the bride) for having a double standard and excluding their sweetly behaved princess but letting yours in.”

“And since the rule breaker, in this case, is the bride’s sister, she was probably seated at a very visible table, so the whole room got a good look.”

“Now the bridal couple has to deal with hurt feelings and possible hostility from other family members.”

“And if the bride was trying to form bonds with her new in-laws, and some of them had teenagers they left at home, she has a problem.”

“For her new extended family will think she doesn’t care about their kids, but only about her family’s.”

“YTA, OP. Causing that kind of potential trouble for your own sister is a new kind of stabbing in the back.”  ~ Artistic-Blackberry9

“Yeah to me, there is a difference between ‘child-free’ and ‘adult only.'”

“A teenager who is well-behaved, quiet etc etc.”

“I wouldn’t really consider an issue in a ‘child-free’ space but would be an issue in an ‘adult only’ space.”

“That said, I’m a little perplexed as to why OP didn’t check first.”

“I would at least ask the question to verify.”

“There could be issues for reasons as simple as the Bride being concerned about other guests causing a fuss seeing a 15-year-old when they left their 12-year-old at home.”

“Though I definitely understand we all make bad choices sometimes when we presume we know the answer, so I’d say a soft YTA to OP.” ~ ummmwhut

“OP, stop the BS.”

“YTA for so many reasons, including trying to pull the hip waders over our eyes.”

“Bride is your sister.”

“You were the MAID OF HONOR.”

“You Knew it was child-free.”

“You never asked YOUR SISTER, the bride, about bringing your daughter.”

“OP, apologize.”

“Your sister and your daughter deserved better.”

“You put both of them in a bad position.”

“Good luck on your journey towards evolution, edification, and enlightenment, OP.”

“Your family deserves a better version of you.”  ~ No-Net8938

“What’s telling to me is that, in the second edit, OP states that their husband didn’t go because they were ‘suddenly’ called out of town on business.”

“But they RSVP’d two people.”

“So either this is the worst way of stating that she swapped out her husband for her daughter, thinking that was okay, or she just planned on bringing her daughter without intending to feed someone.”

“Not sure which is worse, but in all cases OP is TA.”  ~ Hotelroombureau

“YTA – while I agree that a well-behaved 15-year-old isn’t a child and should be allowed at a wedding, you absolutely should have cleared it first with your sister.”

“I think you played dumb on purpose because you knew your sister would have said no.”

“And now you’re just surprised she isn’t letting you get away with it scot-free.” ~ neoncactusfields

“You could have asked?”

“When you say childfree, what age is the limit? Can I bring my daughter? No? Ok, it’s your wedding, and I understand”

“It was that simple. 20-second phone call.”

“You didn’t do any of that because you’re an AH and just wanted to get your way, and now you’re hoping for random internet strangers to say you’re N.T.A so you could rub it in your sister’s face.” YTA.”  ~ FunnyGum0_0

“YTA. Personally, I had a childfree wedding, and I wouldn’t qualify a 15-year-old as a child in that context, but it’s not my call, and it certainly wasn’t yours.”

“You didn’t ask for clarification before bringing her and got defensive with the bride.”

“Just apologize and say you should have asked and move on.”

“This isn’t worth causing further family drama.”  ~ dubyadubya

“I think a big thing is that while a well-mannered 15-year-old clearly wouldn’t cause any problems, the bride will probably get sh*t from other parents who arranged for childcare after seeing that someone else’s kid was allowed to come.”

“OP is TA for not thinking about the ripple effect of her actions.”  ~ thrwy_111822

“Yeah, OP is in the wrong, but it’s such a vast overreaction of the bride to be ‘furious’ and the parents to be ‘shooting daggers’ and sending angry texts because a 15-year-old is in attendance?”

“Like, not wanting children who will cry, throw tantrums or be disruptive makes complete sense.”

“Did they seriously expect a high school sophomore to make a scene at the wedding?”

“If you really don’t want anyone under 18 at your wedding, I do think you need to be explicit about that.”

“As childfree can absolutely be interpreted as ‘no small children,’ and of course, a teenager who will be an adult in, like, 2.5 years doesn’t fall into that category.”

“Still, OP 100% should have checked.”  ~ crystalzelda

“Agree–YTA OP, but really because you didn’t ask first (and also because this probably put your daughter in an awkward position).”

“I would also have assumed ‘no children’ meant no small children but would have double-checked to avoid a situation like this.”

“I will say i would definitely find it incredibly weird if my sister didn’t want her teenage niece at her wedding, assuming they have a good relationship.”

“I feel like there’s a difference between banning small kids who couldn’t care less about going to a wedding versus banning a teenage girl who wants to be there to see her aunt get married.”  ~ bonertootz

“YTA…You don’t bring anyone who is not invited to a wedding. If you wanted your daughter to attend, you should have asked and discussed beforehand.”

“This is your sister after all, right?”  ~ RoyallyOakie

“How was this not discussed beforehand.”

“My niece got married years ago.”

“We knew it was a child-free wedding.”

“Our youngest was 13.”

“I privately messaged her and asked if he was excluded, and she responded and said no, that her teenage cousins were invited.”

“How are you the MOH at your sister’s child-free wedding, and the 15-year-old never comes up? ESH.”  ~ One-Confidence-6858

OP came back with an update…

“Based on the responses, I understand that I was rude for not at least checking in first.”

“I should have verified whether or not my daughter could come.”

“There was no malicious intent, but all the same, I will apologize to my sister and daughter.”

“My sister and daughter are very close, another reason why I thought she would have been invited.”

“I have seen these questions a lot so: The invite was a pretty generic card that said ‘We hope to see you at our wedding!’ with the RSVP info, dresscode, etc.”

“I RSVP’d two people, my daughter and I.”

“I believe my sister thought the two RSVPs were my husband and I.”

“My husband did not attend as he was suddenly called out of town for a work conference.”

“There was a place setting, chair, etc, for my daughter because I RSVP’d two people.”

“I assumed my daughter would be allowed because my sister stated that she didn’t want children at the wedding due to noise, tantrums, misbehavior, etc.”

“I apologized to my sister and daughter; we are all doing well relationship-wise.”

“Thank you for your insight!”

OP, Reddit definitely had some issues with your choices.

Not your wedding, not your decisions.

But it sounds like you listened, and this will be settled peacefully.

Good luck.