It’s not only the bride and groom who have to worry about what to wear at weddings.
While wearing a suit or a nice dress seems to be the general dress code for all weddings, some brides and grooms give their guests slightly tighter parameters as to what they can and cannot wear.
Sometimes it’s a black tie, black and white occasion, some must choose from a set selection of colors, while some lucky guests can show up in T-shirts and jeans.
Redditor trincolls and her fiancé were fairly open when it came to their guests attire.
It was, in fact, the original poster (OP)’s sister who was being strict about what her son, the OP’s nephew, could and couldn’t wear to the wedding.
When the OP’s sister learned an outfit for her son she rejected was approved by the OP, she did not take to the news very kindly at all.
Wondering if she had, in fact, done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ‘overruling’ my sister by approving my nephew’s outfit for my wedding?”
The OP shared how her sister seemed to be taking the dress code at her upcoming wedding a bit more seriously than she was herself, particularly regarding one of her nephews.
“My Fiancé (27 M[ale]) and I (27 F[emale]) are getting married in early April.”
“We are planning a big wedding with the help of both of our parents’ financing.”
“We invited all of our friends and family, including our siblings and their kids.”
“My fiancé and I are very excited for our wedding.”
“When it comes to the dress code, me and my fiancé are very laid back, we just want people to dress up in either a suit, dress or something else ‘fancy’.”
“We couldn’t care less about the color or design and actually encourage our guests to dress creatively, colorfully or over the top.”
“Me and my fiancé are both creative people, I’m an art teacher and he works in advertising.”
“We want people to express themselves and while we are okay with traditional color wedding outfits, we only want them being worn if it is truly something our guests like.”
“I have many siblings, and many nieces and nephews.”
“My oldest sister and her husband (40 F and 40 M) have 6 kids (15 F,14 M,13 M,11 F, 7 MM, and 3 F).”
“I still live close to all of my siblings, so me and my fiancé have a close relationship with them and know they are excited for our wedding.”
“My 13 year old nephew is a good kid, has great grades and is the athlete of the family.”
“As with most middle school boys, dressing up in a suit isn’t exactly his favorite thing to do, and about a month ago, my sister called me telling me he was giving them issues when suit shopping, I sat down with him and had a talk to see if everything was ok, he said he didn’t like anything he saw, and I told him to ask his friends for advice.”
“About a week after, I got a text from my nephew asking what he thought of his outfit idea, he wanted to go with a sports theme, he wanted to wear a normal dress shirt and pants, but for his blazer have his favorite NFL team on it, a lacrosse tie and baseball cufflinks.”
“He found all of this online and sent links.”
“He told us his mom said no and then asked my opinion on it, I showed it to my fiancé and we both agreed it was acceptable and we would love to see him in it if that’s what made him happy.”
“A few hours later, I got a call from my sister asking why I would approve it after she said no and complained about how the outfit could ‘reflect on her’ and how my nephew needed to learn ‘proper wedding attire’.”
“I asked her and my nephew out to lunch the next day so we could settle it out.”
“We went out to lunch and my nephew and sister was explaining how his friends recommended it and how he wanted to express his love for sports, after explaining to him that this isn’t normal wedding attire, but fiancé and I wanted people to be creative, my sister agreed to buy it, and just got all the stuff in the mail and he loves it.”
“My sister is still upset at me for trying to ‘overrule’ her parenting, and when talking to one of our other siblings (38 M) he agreed with her that I overstepped my boundaries.”
“Fiancé and I are just happy nephew found a nice outfit he likes.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was the a**Hole for approving of her nephew’s outfit without consulting her sister, albeit rather grudgingly.
While everyone appreciated the OP being open and sympathetic to her nephew wearing an outfit which would make him happy, they did feel that she was overstepping by approving an outfit she knew her sister had rejected.
“Teeny tiny YTA.”
“As a mom I just saw $$$.”
“Something like a suit is something I would want to buy my son for multiple occasions.”
“The cufflinks and lacrosse tie I would be okay with.”
“The NFL suit jacket I would have said no to as well.”
“Although it is perfectly acceptable for your wedding, it would not be the case for a funeral or say a confirmation at church.”
“My sister and I are very close to each others kids as well.”
“They get away with a lot when they are with an aunt.”
“The only rule we have is if the parents say no, it is an end to the conversation.”
“You meant well and wanted your nephew to be comfortable.”
“But in all honestly at the reception, the suit jacket is going to spend the night hanging on the back of a chair.”- da-karebear
“I get that your intentions are good, and even the underlying idea of kids being able to express themselves through clothing.”
“But you’re missing the fact that this isn’t just about you or your wedding.”
“I assume that the 13-year-old isn’t paying for his own wedding attire, and neither are you.”
“And most sports-themed gear, ESPECIALLY official NFL/NBA/MLB/etc. athletic gear, is SUPER EXPENSIVE.”
“Did you even look at the price of this NFL-team-branded blazer that he wants his parents to pay for?”
“Is it reasonably priced for a 13-year-old relative to say, a standard sports jacket for a kid that age?”
“Where else do you think he’s going to be able to wear an NFL-team themed blazer?”
“Sure, you’re fine for him wearing it to your wedding.”
“That’s one occasion.”
“But he’s 13, and probably doesn’t go to a lot of fancy things.”
‘And it’s NOT necessarily appropriate if he gets invited to another occasion.”
“So what happens then?”
“His parents have put out potentially a lot of money for a blazer that he’s only going to wear one time?”
“And then they have to buy him ANOTHER suit or sports jacket if he gets invited somewhere else where the dress code isn’t as relaxed or ‘artsy’?”
“Again, are you going to pick up any of the costs here? Is he?”
“Encouraging creativity is wonderful, but it’s also really important to teach teenagers, whose default tends to be egocentrism, not out of selfishness but because that’s how they’re wired, to be impulsive and see the world from only their own perspective.”
“That they are not the centre of the universe, that they are part of a social community, that their feelings matter but also that as part of a social society we work as a team and sometimes we consider rules and etiquette that go beyond our personal preferences and ‘reflecting our creativity in our clothing’.”
“It’s a balance.”
“So maybe the solution is going to be cool cufflinks and a lacrosse tie, i.e. accessories that reflect his personal aesthetic preferences, with a more standard/appropriate blazer or sports jacket that is more versatile.”
“YTA for prioritizing being the ‘cool aunt’ right off the bat, without considering that your sister’s concerns might not just be her being ‘uncool’ or ‘uptight’ but actually trying to be practical and a good parent.”
“And think beyond the one occasion of your wedding.”
“Parenting is having to think 10 steps ahead, and you just made her life way more difficult because you don’t have to do any of the heavy lifting she does and can just think about the fun parts.”
“You owe her an apology.”- FoolMe1nceShameOnU
“This is classic kid behavior, running to another resource.”
“Mom vs Dad, parents vs grandparents, etc.”
“When you’ve already been given your answer.”
“Your response at most should have been ‘well, let me touch base with your mother about it’.”
“And even that might be crossing the line for her, depending on your history with the kids here.”
“As for the lunch, you also took a page out of your nephew’s book by resorting to the other childish method of getting what you want, asking permission, in front of the decision maker and the involved party, so they’ll be the asshole if they refuse.”
“‘Mom, can Jimmy spend the night?'”- RB1327
“You got played and you undermined your sister.”
“I get that you’re fine with the outfit but he asked his parent, they said no, so he triangulated and went to you.”
“Kids often do this between their parents to try to get their way.”
“Mom says no so they go to Dad or visa versa.”
“Parents have to be aligned and support each other.”
“Else it sets up a pretty manipulative dynamic.”
“I’d apologize to your sister.”
“You did undermine her trying to get kid to wear situationally appropriate attire.”
“And while you may think it’s fine, she’s also right that some people are going to think she’s got poor judgment for letting her kid go to a formal event in that attire.”
“Now, I wouldn’t care if someone thought that of me if all was cleared/approved.”
“But she’s not wrong.”- UsuallyWrite2
“Look, I’m not going to offer any judgement but I am going to offer this.”
“If you and your partner are planning to have children I hope you are aware that parents play the long game and your sister WILL get you back for this someday.”
“Signed a parent who played an escalating war game of annoying toys with my friend that THEY started.”- notquitetame3
It doesn’t seem that the OP did anything to intentionally frustrate or anger her sister.
She just might not have thought that saying yes to her nephew’s outfit in this situation was a bit more complicated than it appeared.
Hopefully, the OP’s sister won’t hold too big a grudge against her, considering she doesn’t have children of her own yet and might not fully grasp this concept.
Not to mention that she’s in the midst of planning a wedding and her brain might not be at its most focused.