As much as many people would like to invite everyone and anyone they know to their weddings, this is seldom, if ever possible.
In addition to the fact that the per-head cost of doing so would be prohibitively expensive, most venues have a strict cap on the number of people they allow.
This could often result in parents needing to leave their children with a sitter or singletons not being granted a plus one.
Redditor Normal_Owl4962‘s wedding venue had a strict cap on the number of people it could hold.
Even so, the original poster (OP) still managed to find room to include his sister’s four children, even though he and his fiancé had initially hoped to have a child-free wedding.
Much to the OP’s surprise, his sister still wasn’t pleased when she received her invite, as she felt she was given the short end of the stick.
Wondering if he had been unfair to his sister, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my sister her 4 kids are her plus one?”
The OP explained why including her sister’s four children in her wedding still wasn’t good enough for her sister.
“I’m (30 M[ale]) in the midst of planning a wedding and deciding everything regarding the guest list.”
“We have a hard cap of people allowed given the venue’s small size.”
“We can only have 105 people. Anything after that would not be allowed due to fire codes and venue policy.”
“I have an older sister Mia whose life is a bit of a mess right now.”
“She and her latest ex-partner and dad of one of her kids broke up in the last six months.”
“She has four kids, and they are all living at my parents’ house for the time being.”
“We opted to not have a childfree wedding after there being so much drama about it, so Mia’s 4 kids between 4 and 11 will be at our wedding.”
“She recently got her invite that stated her name and her four kids’ names.”
“She then called me and said, ‘I assume as an adult I also get a plus 1’.”
“We told her no, she’s not in a serious relationship, and she and her kids are already about 5% of our total guest list.”
“Our caterer also doesn’t charge less for kids, so we’re paying about $400 for those four kids to be there; we don’t want to pay another $100 for some random that she’d bring.”
“She’s not dating anyone but said she could easily find a date or bring a friend to have someone to dance with.”
“We told her she has four kids there, that should be more than enough instead of having a ‘plus one.'”
“My dad is by my side, and is tired of her taking up their house. My mom is a little more sympathetic and says I should allow her to have a plus one because that’s what you do for adults.”
“Spending $600 on just my sister, her kids, and a date when she’s not seeing anyone seriously just seems ridiculous to me, though.”
“She is pretty ticked off, though.”
“Am I being the AH here?’
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for declining to give his sister a plus one to his wedding.
Everyone agreed that since the OP made room for his sister’s four children and considering that his sister didn’t currently have a serious partner, they were in no way obligated to give her a plus one.
“She has options.”
“Attend as planned, stay home with the kids, leave the kids with a sitter, and bring someone to dance with, or my favorite, STFU.”- Realistic_Sorbet2826
“It’s your wedding and your money.”
“If she wants to bring a plus one, then let her pay the $100 it’s going to be to feed that person.”
“If your mom is all for it, then she can pay for your sister to have a plus one.”- Gingersnap0422
“I would tell her she can bring her kids OR a plus one.”
“Let her choose.”
“You win either way.”- DismayedDoctor
“If she is taking her kids with her, who she is expecting to watch them when she dances?”- Ambitious-Sssnake
“I think you’re being VERY generous allowing her FOUR CHILDREN to attend.”
“And she had the nerve to ask for an additional person?”
“She’s a bit of a choosy beggar, isn’t she?”- IamIrene
“I don’t even know where your mom gets off on saying, ‘That’s what you do for adults’.”
“You’re not obligated to give anyone a +1 regardless of their age.”
“If your sister wants to dance with someone at the wedding, she can socialize with the other guests because that’s what adults do.”- SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“Your sister is not in a serious relationship.”
“105 people is a hard limit – I wouldn’t want to fill up a slot for some random person when it can mean that you would have to kick someone you actually know and care about off the invite list.”
“I’m sure there will be someone at the wedding that she can dance with.”- Junior-Heat-5980
“She will be there with her four kids and her whole family. She doesn’t need to bring some rando to keep her company.”- morgaine125
“Mia doesn’t need to bring more people to the wedding.”
“She is already dragging four kids (who are all very young) to your wedding, so why does she think she gets to bring a random ‘date’ to this event?”
“You are already wasting hundreds of dollars on her alone.”
“Why don’t your other guests get this special treatment?”- Gradtattoo_9009
“Hell, it’s not even just your rules (which would be enough on their own). If the venue has a cap, it has a cap, fire codes don’t care how old each occupant is.”-VidzxVega
“I’ve been on both sides of this.”
“It’s not like you are telling her no plus one because you dislike her partner or similar.”
“If no serious partner, shouldn’t insist, and doesn’t matter who you are.”
“As long as the rule applies to everyone, then it’s fine.”
“Limited guest caps are real, and it’s your wedding and your guest list and your money being spent.”-cupofchait
“So if she brings a plus one, as well as the kids, then I have to ask…who the hell is going to be watching the kids?”
“It’s really cute that she wants to wine and dine someone at your expense.”
“A person you have never met and that she is not in a relationship with.”
“I think that the wedding is about you and your future husband and should include people that you want to share the occasion with.”
“If your sister can’t have a good time without a date, then she should pay in advance for her date to attend.”
“The wedding and reception are about the married couple, after all.”
“Who does she expect to babysit her children while she is dancing anyway?”
“Are other people going to forgo the dancing and babysit so she can have a good time?”
“Since you have limitations on how many guests you can invite and don’t seem to have the extra money to spend, I think you are being reasonable.”- ContentedRecluse
“She asked you answered.”
“Hold firm.”- MarmotMeiche
“If she had a serious partner, that’s one thing.”
“But she doesn’t, so she doesn’t need to bring a rando to your wedding.”
“She had four kids to keep an eye on. She’ll be occupied lol.”- elsie78
“She can dance with her four kids.”- stew_pit1
“Your wedding, you get to decide.”
“If your mum wants to cave to her, then your mum can pay the additional cost.”
“Also, I get the impression your sister may ramp it up and turn around and say she won’t come if she doesn’t get a plus one, do be prepared for that.”- SubstantialSun8209
“The day is not about her, and it’s very sweet that you went out of your way to make sure your nieces and nephews are there.”
“Explain that you had to bump a number of people off your guest list already to make sure your family is complete. Ask her for some understanding.”
“It sounds like she’s touchy about being ‘alone’ at a wedding because of her recent experiences, which is understandable.”- hardcandy8923
“4 kids is more than a plus one.”- sleepyJoesBidet
“You already caved to have the kids. She either gets a plus one or the kids.”
“End of story.”- MsBaseball34
Being single at a wedding is always a challenge.
However, the OP’s sister would not be alone at the wedding, nor should having a date be the most pressing issue for her on the day her brother is getting married.
Hopefully, she’ll come to realize this and enjoy the day.