Alcohol has been part of human culture for at least 10,000 years. The discovery of late Stone Age jugs indicates intentionally fermented beverages existed at least as early as the Neolithic period.
Perhaps because of the time and care required to brew, alcohol was tied almost exclusively to ceremony and celebration for millennia. As the process became easier and as potable water was often in short supply in some parts of the globe, casual drinking became more common.
In modern times, alcohol still fulfills both functions—a part of special events and everyday beverage choice. But more is slso known about excessive consumption, too, leading some to associate alcohol with immortality.
Some cultures or religions abstain completely from alcohol for that reason, leading to “dry” ceremonies and celebrations.
A newlywed turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after getiing her dry wedding a little wet.
Loser_is_ana asked:
“AITA for secretly selling alcohol at my dry wedding to cover costs?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So I (27, female) recently got married. My husband (29, male) and I planned a pretty big wedding—about 300 guests. It was beautiful, honestly a dream.”
“There’s just one thing: our families are super conservative and very religious, so we told everyone it would be a dry wedding (aka, no alcohol). That decision kept the peace with our parents and extended family.”
“As we all know, weddings are expensive and we were footing most of the bill ourselves. I saw an opportunity and took it.”
“I hired a licensed bartender friend of mine to set up a ‘VIP bar’ hidden at the venue—it was at a large event hall with a garden and private side rooms. I gave a heads-up to about 75 of our younger friends and more chill cousins, and basically had them pay for drinks—think wedding speakeasy.”
“The drinks were priced reasonably (like $5 a beer, $8 for cocktails), and people were happy to pay because 1) open bar weddings are rare in our circle, and 2) they thought it was kinda fun.”
“Long story short, between the money from drinks and tips, we made about $2,000, which helped cover part of the catering bill.”
“The issue is… word got out. A few of my aunts overheard someone talking about the ‘secret bar’ and now my mom is livid.”
“She says I lied to everyone, disrespected the family, and made a ‘mockery of our values’. My MIL also called me ‘manipulative and selfish’.”
“But honestly, most of our guests didn’t even know it happened, and the ones who did loved it. We didn’t force anyone to drink. We just gave the option discreetly.”
“My husband is kind of in the middle. He gets why I did it, but wishes I had told him beforehand. I didn’t, because I knew he’d get stressed and say no out of guilt.”
“So… AITA for secretly selling alcohol at my dry wedding to offset the cost?”
The OP later added:
“I did not keep the bartender’s tips!!! We paid him well and he kept all his tips.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“The action I took that should be judged is that I secretly hired a licensed bartender to run a hidden cash bar at my dry wedding in hopes of making some money back from the event.”
“I invited a group of friends and cousins who I thought would appreciate it, and drinks were sold quietly in a separate area.”
“This might make me the a**hole because I went behind my parents’ and in-laws’ backs after agreeing to a dry wedding, which was important to them for religious reasons.”
“I also didn’t tell my husband, knowing he would’ve said no, which wasn’t fair.”
“Even though most people didn’t know it happened and those who did enjoyed it, I can see how it might come across as dishonest or disrespectful—especially to the people who trusted us to honor the no-alcohol agreement.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“YTA. Dude, I was SO on board with you! This was a great idea…. Until you neglected to inform your spouse!!!! If you both had agreed then frankly I’d say your conservative family’s opinions don’t matter, BUT your spouse’s does!!!”
“Let this be a lesson in marriage for the future: always consult your partner. The rest of the world can be against you, but you both should always have the others back. By lying to them you weren’t being a good life partner.” ~ thinking_spell
“Yeah, ‘I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d say no’ is a baaaad way to start a marriage.” ~ Meloetta
“Yeah… I hate this line of thinking, it leads down a slippery slope. ‘I didn’t tell you we were doing a secret bar because I knew it would upset you!!’.”
“So what else isn’t being disclosed because you know it’ll upset him? Please go on.” ~ Distinct-Apartment39
“I seriously would be so much madder than that than I would be about dry vs not dry wedding. And I say this as someone who chose to have a dry wedding.”
“You started your marriage by lying to your spouse, your parents, and your in-laws on literally day 1. Beginning with deception like that is an inauspicious start for sure. So YTA for that.”
“If you and your husband decided to never say the wedding would be dry, just…not to fight with either set of parents when they said it had to be (as in, change subjects and avoid the question, or respond with something noncommittal) and then quietly do 5his wedding speakeasy, I’d be so much more on your side.”
“Neither of your parents should have been dictating about your wedding (though they could choose not to pay for the bar, given their views), but you agreed and told everyone that you were doing so.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
“Just separated from a f*cker who did this. Always compulsively lied and compartmentalized to get his way.”
“I swear this is (recovering or not) conservative kids in a nutshell. Then they carry over the sneakiness to their relationships.”
“Hopefully the husband is smarter than me and decides to leave. Because the lying doesn’t get better.” ~ livefast_petdogs
“Honestly, I thought your wedding speakeasy was an awesome idea. YTA big time for not including your husband in on it, but not for doing it. You guys are a team and it was both of yours wedding.”
“However, your life and your values are YOURS. Nobody has the right to tell you how you should live your life. You’re a grown, married woman.”
“Grow a backbone and stop letting them try to control you. Your husband should do the same. It’s not going to get any better when you buy a house or have children. If they don’t like it, tough.” ~ gover2087
“YTA, it is honestly embarrassing, don’t do the wedding you can not afford instead of lying to your spouse.” ~ Electrical-Regret500
“YTA because you did it behind your husband’s back. It’s your wedding and you can pretty much do whatever you want to do on your wedding day, but you should definitely have your husband’s agreement since it’s his day, too.”
“You made a conscious decision not to tell him, and that’s what makes you the AH.” ~ MsDeidre
“Definitely YTA to the other 200 guests who weren’t told there was a bar.”
“Imagine having to sit through someone’s ‘dry’ wedding only to find out they and their friends were drinking the whole time.” ~ bunsburner1
“YTA. You know what, at the end of the day, it’s YOUR wedding and if your family doesn’t like your decisions, they don’t have to come.”
“But the fact you hid this from your spouse and created extra drama is what makes you the AH…..I mean you really thought all these people wouldn’t find out? Or that someone wouldn’t unknowingly follow someone else to this bar?”
“You’ve just created trust issues in your marriage, Good job!” ~ ColdstreamCapple
“If you can’t afford a big wedding then don’t have a big wedding you narcissist.”
“And your marriage is doomed cause it started with a lie. YTA.” ~ Platypus_Neither
“Marriage built upon a lie before they even said I do. Did they have the correct licensing for the bar? Did they really keep ANY tips ‘cuz that’s so gross? Lied to entire family…YTA for so many reasons.” ~ nightingaledaze
“YTA. Lying to and hiding things from your spouse at the wedding is a really great start to a marriage. Well done.” ~ Amerdale13
“YTA on the sole basis you left out your husband. I think it’s a great idea, and in theory he should have been on board with it because it’s truly a two birds one stone kind of idea!”
“Screw what your family THINKS a wedding should be like—this is for you and how you want to celebrate it and how you want others to celebrate it as well. And the idea of a speakeasy at a bar is frankly so freaking cool!”
“But y’all are in theory a team, and should have been on board together. Sets a weird precedent to lie about such a big thing.”
“Unless you were worried he would tell his mom or family or something and ruin it for you. Then that’s a whole other can of worms y’all will face at some point in your marriage.” ~ rosythorn_
“YTA for not telling or discussing with your husband – it was his wedding too. If you’d both been on board with it, NTA.” ~ tull1107
The speakeasy was a hit with wedding guests and on Reddit. But lying to her now husband didn’t go down well at all.
Hopefully the OP has learned that lying to get what shd wants isn’t a healthy relationship model.