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Guy Livid After His Girlfriend’s Best Friend Refuses To Let Him Propose At Her Wedding

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There are certain rules that should absolutely be observed at someone’s wedding.

Some examples are not wearing white, not making a joke when the priest asks if anyone has any objections, and absolutely to not steal focus from the bride and groom.

But one guy not only didn’t seem to appreciate that, but he also used it as an excuse, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor throwawayaita_friend, a future bride, found herself in the awkward position of having to tell her best friend’s boyfriend that, no, he could not use her wedding as an opportunity to propose.

After seeing the not-so-happy couple’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was being a selfish bride.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for rejecting my friend’s boyfriend’s request to propose at my wedding?”

The OP received a special request from her Maid of Honor’s boyfriend.

“My husband and I (30 [Male] and 27 [Female]) got married last month and had a small and wonderful wedding.”

“2 weeks before the wedding, my best friend/maid of honor’s (28 [Female]) boyfriend (27 [Male]) asked if it would be okay to propose during my reception.”

The OP had to decline.

“I first told him how thrilled I was that he was proposing to my friend and how excited she would be, but I really wasn’t comfortable with him proposing during the wedding, at least as a public thing.”

“He seemed totally shocked that I said no, which I can understand. He said that weddings are supposed to be about celebrating love and that as her (his girlfriend’s) best friend, I should want them to finally be engaged after 11 years together.”

“I absolutely want that for them, but I just didn’t understand why it needed to happen during the 5.5-hour window of my ceremony/cocktail hour/reception.”

“I was very apologetic and offered to help however I could with the proposal on any other day, but he was clearly not happy with me.”

The OP didn’t hear anything from her Maid of Honor after that.

“I hadn’t heard from MOH (Maid of Honor) since the wedding, which is probably the longest we’ve ever gone without talking.”

“I had tried several times to get in touch with her and let her know at one point that I had something of hers she had lost at the wedding. Never any response.”

“I texted the other day, saying I was going to drop the lost item off at her house so she’d have it, and she finally responded.”

It turned out the boyfriend blamed the OP.

“Apparently during the after-party at the hotel bar, MOH’s boyfriend got very drunk and told her that she would’ve been engaged that night if I hadn’t ruined his plan.”

“She said she isn’t exactly mad at me, but she feels like her future engagement is ruined and that I denied her a chance at happiness.”

“I told her I was so sorry and the conversation ended pretty awkwardly.”

“Another mutual friend who knows what’s going on says she (my maid of honor) doesn’t love that he planned to propose at the wedding but thinks I was the a**hole ultimately for saying no.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some agreed with the OP that it was her day and a tacky approach to proposing.

“He basically wanted someone else to foot the bill for the ‘engagement party.'”

“There’s no reason he couldn’t have proposed when they got home that night or even before they left for the wedding in the morning.”

“He wanted the audience and he wanted it organized and funded by someone else.”Fraerie

“The guy probably doesn’t want to actually get married and is too chickens**t to have a much-needed conversation with his girlfriend.”

“Blaming it on his girlfriend’s best friend (OP) on her wedding day of all things is really scummy, on top of trying to be a parasite proposing on someone else’s special day.”Nurizeko

“Yes, ‘You WOULD have been engaged but you best friend WHO IS GETTING MARRIED put a stop to it.'”

“If he was really keen to marry her, he would have bounced back and planned something else romantic.”DrunkOnRedCordial

“NTA. He had 11 YEARS to make her ‘happiness’ happen. You had 5.5 hours to celebrate your love and commitment. The ceremony was about you and your husband’s commitment, not to have him usurping your time, money, and effort that went into making it a special celebration for YOUR future.”

“I am sorry, it sounds like your best friend has her priorities wrong, and until they both grow up and realize their mistake (not likely), they will take no personal responsibility for their own actions (or inactions in this case).”Sheenapeena

Others questioned if the boyfriend wanted to get married at all after this stunt.

“He wants to ask you to marry you. That’s supposed to be a permanent commitment. If it can be derailed by this, better to not have the engagement.”

“It’s not like it’s a new idea for it to be a bad call to become engaged during someone else’s life event…”Tralfamadorians_go

“And the fact that he then was childish enough to get drunk and spill it to her at the wedding is like a huge red flag that he’s using any excuse to blame not being engaged on anyone but himself.”

“He could have had a beautiful evening with her then proposed afterward or at home, or anything but taking away from someone else’s big day.”IndigoLioness

“He’s possibly too lazy or cheap to put in the effort to create a special event just about the two of them. This would 100% be like a lazy-ready-made for him special event/fancy place/memorable moment that he could piggyback off of.”HarnessMeDesignsOUB

“He does not want to put any effort or thought into the proposal. After 11 years.”

“He does not really want to marry OP’s friend. If he wanted to, he would have proposed to her the night before the wedding, saying, ‘I want you to be next,’ or he would have proposed on the way back from the wedding (and not gotten drunk).”

“OP is NTA and needs to give her friend a wake-up talk.”MadameMimmm

Some simply felt terrible for the Maid of Honor.

“Not saying every proposal needs to be planned to perfection but he is literally not planning anything (lazy and inconsiderate) – and then tells the girlfriend he was going to do it. What’s the point since he knows she will get upset?!”Cold-Consideration23

“It’s a lot easier to blame your friend for not ‘allowing’ your boyfriend to propose than to admit that your boyfriend is a deadbeat who doesn’t care to commit to you. Deep down inside, I’m sure your friend knows who is truly at fault. She’s just not willing to admit it to herself.”Wyrd_byrd

“It’s telling that his girlfriend is seemingly more p**sed off at OP than at her boyfriend (and I use that term loosely, as I suspect he does). That poor woman. He has her totally brainwashed.”Fredredphooey

“Honestly it sounds like MOH is just (understandably) bitter that he’s dangled a proposal in her face but still not followed through with it, but unfortunately is directing her frustration at the wrong party.”elag19

The OP felt terrible for her friend after what happened (or didn’t happen), but the subReddit agreed she was right to want to focus on her wedding day. Not only do most people view proposals at major life events as tacky, but there are also countless other ways the boyfriend could have proposed instead.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.