Money always finds a way to cause issues.
Even when love and marriage are involved, finances can get complicated.
So do partners navigate these waters?
Can one partner rightfully put boundaries on another?
Case in point…
Redditor throwawaybibawo wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for cancelling my wife’s TV subscriptions?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I don’t know if she’s trying to play some sort of Pokémon ‘gotta-catch-‘em-all’ but for TV subscriptions, but my wife subscribed to over 15 TV services that cost expensive monthly bills without even letting me know beforehand.”
“I found out while checking my account today.”
“I asked her why she needed all these subscriptions, and she said that it’s nice to have more variety.”
“I was really upset she decided to go behind my back and purchase all these things.”
“So I canceled the subscriptions and told her she can watch free stuff instead and learn to ask me next time before spending my money.”
“She threw a tantrum and called me a jerk.”
“Details…”
“- Wife does no housework. We have a maid.”
“- Wife decided to quit her job despite my wishes two months into the marriage.”
“- We have no children.”
“- Divorce is not feasible in our cultural environment. It can potentially endanger both of our families physically due to religious authorities and extremists present.”
“- My money is singularly in my account, not joint.”
“- She looked through my work bag for my credit card to get the subscriptions without my knowledge.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I’m going to go against the grain and say NTA assuming everything you say is true.”
“That you guys got married with the expectation that you both would work.”
“Your wife quit her job against your wishes.”
“Your wife doesn’t do chores since you guys have a maid.”
“You have no kids.”
“You pay for necessities.”
“Neither of you is willing to take the risk of divorce coz it’s dangerous for you.”
“Sounds like you guys are not going to be able to make your marriage work and should divorce, but if divorce is impossible, I guess trying to stay out of each other’s way is the best that you can do.”
“I wouldn’t pay for 15 subscriptions either.” ~ ForeverNugu
“If this is the case, NTA.”
“Extras are the privilege of the employed.” ~ tryoracle
“They are both victims of an oppressive religious culture.”
“She’s likely trying to manipulate him into divorcing her by being as inconvenient as possible.”
“OP needs to communicate that he is on the same page as her regarding a divorce, and they should be working together to escape and go their separate ways.” ~ Les1lesley
“I have a mutual friend in the same situation.”
“He works. She quit her job.”
“Her parents handed her the family business for free to take over.”
“She just stopped going, and he found out a month or 2 before it was going to be worth $0, by having to take off work early one day, and she was home and confessed.”
“They luckily sold the business (for much less than it was worth when handed to her for free).”
“He is very unhappy.”
“She does nothing but spend his money and refuses to work or do ANY household responsibilities.”
“No kids. There are so many more insane things.”
“It’s a crazy situation.”
“The religious reasons are really only on her family’s end.”
“But he cannot escape the guilt of how her life would probably end shortly after a divorce, as she somehow (I assume massive depression issues) cannot take care of herself.” ~ pr3mium
“Stop with this.”
“We are all victims of our culture. It does not erase our responsibility to treat other people—especially people we have an actual obligation to and should care about and be invested in—as human beings.”
“They probably don’t enjoy their oppressive social environment.”
“But the choice to start spending his money that he worked for, to quit her own job, to not chip in by helping around the house, and so on—that is HER CHOICE.”
“As far as their relationship goes, he is a victim, and she is an inconvenience.”
“Oh, and if she IS trying to force him to file for divorce, that puts both of them in a pretty daunting place, doesn’t it?”
“But especially him.”
“So I’m not sure where you see the logic in that.”
“Stop trying to make excuses for her. This one’s pretty cut and dry.” ~ cedilux
“If I may add…”
“They have cable already. He didn’t even take this into consideration. The usual cable service is active.”
“He pays not just for the usual groceries but also for personal items; he doesn’t want her to pay for her shopping and eating bonbons all day long.”
“I would think about having kids with her.”
“She does seem to be the entitled housewife without any responsibility. NTA.” ~ Dependent-Show2297
“I’m going to go NTA based on your comments.”
“She doesn’t work, look after children or do housework.”
“Does she just watch TV all day?”
“How bloody boring.”
‘I personally could not do that.” ~ reddit-readers-rock
“How is anyone here saying he is even slightly an AH???”
“SHE stole HIS credit card.”
“She quit her job after he was trapped to be lazy and feed off of his income.”
“He has every right to tell her she needs to ask before purchasing completely unnecessary things if it’s his money.”
“Most of the people here saying he’s an AH sound like the ones living in mommy’s basement for free.” ~ glawv
“It’s really weird to me when married people refer to money as ‘Mine’ instead of ‘Ours.'”
“I know it’s not how everyone works, and I’m not saying that it’s wrong to have separate finances… but I dunno, it just seems like a weird way to operate in a marriage.”
“I don’t have money. My family has money.”
“Every single penny I earn goes into the family.”
“We budget for individual wants/needs, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I would be incredibly frustrated if my wife started spending money like crazy, but I wouldn’t feel personally violated.” ~ Daddict
“From everything else he says about their culture, there’s a strong possibility that it’s the usual thing that a woman stops work once married.”
“And if they truly live in a culture where their lives would be at risk if they divorce, chances are the wife had very strong opposition to her carrying on working and would have been pressured by his family, her family, and her work colleagues and bosses to stop working if she was even given a choice by her employers at all.”
“She would also attract the attention of extremists for carrying on working after marriage and may have been threatened.”
‘She also probably has a very limited chance to leave the house even.”
“She’s not allowed to spend money and has no money of her own.” ~ Medium-Fan440
“NTA. I am only saying this because…”
“1. She went behind your back and took your credit card…”
“2. She stopped working without discussing it with you 2 months after marriage.”
“It sounds like she is taking you for a ride, knowing you can’t divorce her due to your religion. -before any one bashes me – I am a S[tay] A[t] H[ome] M[om] since I had my second baby.”
“I am forever grateful that my husband has enabled me to do this and tell him this often.”
“It was a decision we both made while considering all of our options.” ~ murphy2345678
“NTA. You’re in a country where income isn’t community property, she stole your credit card number and subscribed to a bunch of TV services she didn’t ask you about, and divorce is frowned on and would negatively affect both your families.”
“She chose to quit working, doesn’t do anything at home, and you have no children.”
“You seem to be stuck with a wife whose values and goals are not the same as yours.” ~ leggyblond1
“Omg NTA??”
“OP said she doesn’t work, and it’s his money, and she’s allowed to spend on stuff she likes, but 15 is freaking overboard ?!!!”
“Literally just get like Netflix, Hulu, or Disney plus you do not need freaking FIFTEEN!”
“NTA, also you guys act like they can’t resubscribe to one just cause he unsubscribed to all, so maybe just decide on one streaming service.” ~ dennislettucee
“NTA. I can’t think what you need 15 subscriptions for. Even 5 is pushing it.”
“The crux of the problem isn’t her being subscribed to 15 things. It’s stealing your credit card and going behind your back to waste money on wants, not needs, while refusing to get her own job.” ~ Nickjet45
“NTA. How many TV channels can your wife watch simultaneously?”
“These services are not inexpensive.”
“From what you say, it seems that she is not contributing anything to the relationship.”
“No income, no labor, nothing.”
“You have become a single parent supporting an adult child.”
“Since she has no income, she’s living off of your charity.”
“And that she took your credit cards without your permission or any discussion about household finances and made purchases.”
“Well, around here, we call that a thief.”
“People have to earn their leisure.”
“That’s part of being alive.” ~ Quinquilharia
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
It sounds like you and your wife need to have a serious conversation about boundaries and expenses.
Good luck.