We all make mistakes, and honestly, the best thing we can do is own that fact and then take accountability for what we've done wrong.
But some people are so deluded, that they'll say practically anything to pin the blame on someone else, side-eyed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor ResearchIII9654 caught his wife cheating on him more than a year prior but eventually agreed to go through couple's counseling with her to see if they could make their marriage work.
But when she accused him of causing her affair partner to get a divorce after catching them in the act, the Original Poster (OP) knew their marriage was over.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for 'robbing' my wife's affair partner, which has now led to his divorce?"
The OP discovered his wife was having a long-term affair.
"I (32 Male) have been married to my soon-to-be ex-wife, Madison (30 Female), for four years. We are currently in counseling but it is not going to work."
"About a year ago, I found out she was having an affair by coming home to their clothes in our living room and sounds coming from our bedroom."
"I lost it. I was getting my cricket bat out of the front closet when I stopped to think about the consequences. I did not want to go to jail."
"Instead, I took all their clothes and left quietly. I went to a friend's house but not before throwing all the clothes in a McDonald's garbage can."
"I turned off my phone and got s**t-faced with my buddy. His wife hosed us off in the morning."
The OP's wife's affair partner got caught in the act by his wife, too.
"After I turned my phone back on, I had dozens of calls and texts from Madison."
"First, she was scared because she got my updated flight information. Then she was upset that I hadn't called her to let her know I was going to be coming home early. Then she freaked out that the house had been broken into. Then she went crazy because she figured out it was me. The messages just got more deranged."
"The guy she was with is five inches shorter than me and about 60 pounds lighter. So if he had taken my clothes it would be obvious."
"He ended up calling his friend to go get his spare keys from his house. Unfortunately for him, his wife smelled a rat and followed his friend back to my house, where she saw him leaving in oversized clothes."
"Long story short, she took pictures and she had evidence of his infidelity, which caused their prenup to be canceled, which cost him a lot of money. It is all one big giant s**t show."
The OP agreed to marriage counseling but not after learning his wife's ulterior motives.
"It took a couple of months, but my wife convinced me to try and forgive her. We started going to counseling and we were working our way through it. Until recently."
"In a counseling session, she said that I was wrong to steal his wallet, phone, and car keys. She said that his divorce was costing him a lot of money and that I should have dealt with it in a more mature manner and that it was my fault."
"I have never admitted to taking his stuff. To begin with I was afraid he might call the cops. Then I didn't want to give her ammunition in case she wanted a divorce. Now I just don't care."
"I told her that her cheating was the reason her boyfriend is getting divorced and that I hope his ex takes everything."
"I am still not living at home. I have my own apartment, and she can have the house if she wants it. Its equity has been upside-down since the very beginning, and I don't want it."
"I'm filing for divorce. Now that I know how she feels it is kind of a slap in the face that she is blaming me for his divorce."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that his reaction was justified, if not also hilarious.
"Serious style points on the clothes swipe and the phone off. She knew he knew, but he left the air dead silent." - FRIKI-DIKI-TIKI
"How the OP handled this, I love it."
"But of course, the ex is like, 'Oh No, my affair partner is now being held accountable for cheating. How horrible!' I mean of course it's OP's fault."
"The audacity for them to cheat and then blame OP for being held accountable. NTA." - trvllr
"Imagine trying to gaslight your husband that it was his poor reactions to finding his wife in bed with another guy that led to that 'poor' guy's divorce? She needs to be kicked to the curb in no uncertain terms."
"OP is NTA but needs to stop attending ANYTHING BUT divorce court with her." - Fuzzy_Laugh_1117
"OP needs to unload in marriage counseling about how he feels about the affair partner, like 'the kind of people who betray their spouse are scum, those who lie to their partner and sneak around are dirt, those who defend it afterward are the most bottom-feeding of the lot' kind of thing."
"Finally, OP hopes the cheated-on wife takes everything but his undies, and then smile sweetly and say, 'But thankfully, we're not like that.'" - Beth21286
"Defending the affair partner DURING their marriage counseling session..."
"If it's not the lion, the witch, and the audacity of this b***h." - Why_r_people_
"OMG, I died laughing!"
"Your wife has a lot of nerve sticking up for her affair partner and claiming that you wronged him. How about the wrong her and him committed against you and his wife? Clearly she doesn't regret her affair, just getting caught."
"I wish you well and I hope all goes your way in the divorce. NTA." - no_thanks_9802
"NTA. Cancel the rest of the marriage counseling sessions and get that divorce as soon as possible."
"Hopefully, you are in an area where you can get restitution from the affair partner, and infidelity is considered to be at fault in divorce. If she stuck to her marital vows, she wouldn't be in this situation, and it further proves that she is in communication with her affair partner currently."
"I hope you are in contact with the betrayed spouse because she can potentially help you with your case by providing additional information and proof of the affair, including photos of the affair partner leaving in your clothes."
"If you own that home and your name is on the deed, move back in and sleep in the guest room. Give her the absolute silent treatment. You do not want to make it look like you abandoned your home. Install cameras if you have to. Get that divorce and be free!" - SweetSerenityxxx
Others warned the OP to be careful and assumed his wife was still with her affair partner.
"The fact that she tried to blame his divorce on you and not the fact that they had an affair says a lot about her." - Zern_
"Also, how does she know all this? Is she still talking to the guy, even though they are in marriage counseling?" - TroyMcClures
"Yeah, her sticking up for her affair partner in his divorce just proves that the OP's wife isn't sorry, doesn't think what she did was wrong, and isn't even taking accountability for her actions."
"She did the exact same thing as her affair partner, but here she is making excuses for him and blaming other people for him facing the consequences." - SomeRavenAtMyWindow
"She's really sticking up for her own sense of entitlement. If he lost out due to violating a prenup, the affair partner is now a much less attractive fallback option once her marriage has failed."
"OP is a king. The clothes in the garbage slap much harder than a cricket bat." - trabergatron
"She's just mad her affair partner is going to be broke when they get together."
"They are probably STILL together, but now that she knows he is going to be broke, trying to monkey branch, and having a hard time of it."
"She was probably waiting for her affair partner to successfully divorce and then leave OP for her affair partner once and for all." - lookn2_eb
"So not only is she a deceitful cheater, but she is also a narcissist because she is not taking responsibility for her role and why this piece of s**t and her dumba** are the cause of his divorce."
"Please divorce her. Life is too short to be stuck in a relationship with somebody you cannot trust."
"She was f**king a dude in your house, and she had no remorse for it whatsoever. She is also not taking responsibility for breaking up not only her marriage but also his marriage, which he was a part of. He helped break up that marriage, not you. It's time to move on, dude."
"Also, she is clearly still in contact with this guy... because she really had no intention of saving her marriage; she probably just wants him to take care of her."
"Because if she was serious about trying to save her marriage, she would have blocked him on everything, and she would have never blamed her soon-to-be ex-husband for the demise of that man's marriage."
"She is taking no credit for the bulls**t that she caused and he caused to get rid of her." - leolawilliams5859
Not only did the subReddit think that the OP's response was funny, but they thought it was smart to take the clothes instead of using the cricket bat. It was far less dangerous and was an unspoken indicator that the OP knew exactly what his wife was up to.
But now that he had done his part and attended the counseling sessions, the OP knew even more of what his wife was up to... that she clearly was not ready to hold herself accountable for her part in all of this, and also, that she likely still was seeing her affair partner, based on how much she knew about the demise of his marriage and prenuptial agreement.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.