Some people are innately generous and will offer help to strangers without a second thought.
Others, however, are a bit more hesitant, not out of malice or selfishness, necessarily, but more out of precaution.
It’s safe to say, however, there are always lessons to be learned when dealing with strangers.
On a recent outing with her children and boyfriend, Redditor MurderSheReads noticed a child who wasn’t her’s was paying extra close attention to her family.
Seemingly eyeing something he hoped he could partake in.
While the original poster (OP)’s boyfriend didn’t see a problem, the OP herself forbade sharing anything with this child.
After being called “selfish” by her boyfriend for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting a kid eat my food?”
The OP explained why they refused to share with a child while on an outing:
“The other day I was at the mall with my boyfriend and our two kids (5 F[emale] and 6 M[ale]), we were sitting eating a bag of roasted chestnuts when this kid (around 10 yo) starts hovering around us.”
“Now, I admit I’m not the biggest fan of any kid that doesn’t belong to me, so this alone was already annoying me slightly but I still smilled to him.”
“Then he calls my son over and whispers in his ear, and I knew it was about the chestnuts.”
“My son nods yes and the boy comes up to me and reaches for a chestnut, I moved bag and said ‘no, you have to go ask your parents’.”
“My boyfriend got upset, called me rude and handed a chestnut to the boy.”
“The boy leaves and I tell my boyfriend he shouldn’t have done that, that you don’t just give food to a strange kid.”
“The boy then hovers back around us and without a word snatches two chestnuts from the bag that my boyfriend was now holding.”
“I stand up and said very firmly ‘sorry but you can’t take our stuff like that, go to your parents’.”
“He put them back and ran off.”
“I think the kid had no manners and I wasn’t gonna let my kids think it’s okay to accept anything from strangers, or that it’s okay to be pressured into sharing.”
“My boyfriend doesn’t agree and thinks the kid trusted us because we had kids ourselves.”
“He thinks I was just selfish.”
“So, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to share their chestnuts with a strange child.
Everyone agreed that the OP was correct in teaching her children that they should not take food, or anything, from people they don’t know, with others pointing out that the child could have been allergic to nuts, so the OP’s boyfriend could have put him in danger by letting him eat them:
“NTA – especially since it was nuts!”
“Reckless of your boyfriend.”- forvirradsvensk
“NTA.”
“Your boyfriend could have killed the kid.”
“How does your boyfriend know the kid is not allergic to nuts?”
“Absolutely never give food to kids without talking to the parents first.”- youknowimright25
“NTA.”
“You have no idea if this kid might be allergic or if his parents want him to have this food.”
“It is also dangerous that this boy thinks it is ok to take things from strangers.”
“I would have handled it by asking him to take it to his parents and then maybe giving him one with their approval as a lesson to everyone, but you certainly were not in the wrong for simply saying no.”- Fantastic-Dance-5250
“NTA.”
“FFS, don’t give food to some random kid, especially if there’s a parent around.”
“Especially things that can cause severe allergic reactions like nuts!”- Remarkable_Inchworm
“NTA.”
“You have no idea what his allergies are, you have no idea if he is sick and just shoving his hand into your food.”
“Likewise, the stranger child’s parents put the kid at a ton of risk if they encourage that behavior for exactly the same reasons, what if he is allergic to the nuts or any seasonings in them, or your family is sick?”
“And that is skipping the potential 2nd hand chemicals that can get on stuff; anyone who even just handles cigarettes is passing on nicotine to those around them.”
“Having kids does not prove you should have kids.”
“The fact that this little boy is someone’s child, is trying to beg/steal food off of you because they have parents who shouldn’t be parenting, kinda proves the point.”
“Please remind your bf of that.”
“And ‘never take food from strangers’ is super important lesson for your kids.”
“As they are older, they get the risk of tainted drinks (knew a teen who got tainted juice from ‘a friend’ to help them relax…) and older still at bars, always watch your drink. It is always good advice.”
“Last thought, I would be worried about why the kid was hungry enough to want stranger food and taken him to security over it.”
“Little kid alone in a mall begging for food from strangers sounds like a CPS report.”- Sheanar
“My first thought echoes others- nut allergies are no joke and I would not want to be responsible for a kid having a reaction- especially when I don’t know him.”
“But honestly, whether it was chestnuts or French fries or candy- you are NTA for not wanting to share your food with a strange child.”
“I would have politely declined and (when the stranger was out of earshot) used this as a teaching moment for my own children on strangers and manners.”- Lazy-Suspect-2205
“Well, NTA.”
“Has no one heard of nut allergies?”
“If you don’t know the kid, that’s a huge risk.”
“Plus as you pointed out, he needs to learn to avoid strangers without his parents/ guardian nearby.”- Rhudzen58
“I thought it said ‘my kid’ and my answer might have been different, but some random kid?”
“Absolutely NTA.”- katiemorag90
“NTA.”
“You have no idea what that child may be allergic to.”
“So I wouldn’t share with a strange child either.”
“You have no idea if that child may be sick.”
“So I wouldn’t share with an unknown child either.”
“Where were this child’s parents?”
“Did your kid know this child?”
“Strange interaction to me as I was taught to never accept anything from strangers.”- Cool-Departure4120
“NTA.”
“What if it turned out the kid was allergic to chestnuts?”
“You’d be responsible.”
“We had a similar situation (not food-related) when we were kayaking at our neighborhood pond.”
“We came back to shore for lunch, and a local kid (about the same age, 10’ish) approached us asking if he could take one of our kayaks out.”
“I said no, his parents weren’t with him, and I would need their consent before I’d let him take one out by himself.”
“There was no way I was going to take that risk.”- Chloet5759
“NTA.”
“Allergies aside, you don’t know this kid.”
“He could be sick and have just exposed your family by putting his hand in your bag of food.”
“Your boyfriend took a huge risk giving one to the kid, which is probably why the kid stuck his hand in your food.”
“I’d have held the bag close to me and tried to keep it shut.”
“The kid’s behavior suggests to me that he probably doesn’t have a lot of rules at home or that he doesn’t follow them if he does.”
“Maybe I’m wrong, but, if he is hungry, it’s not your job to feed him.”- lgbtdancemom
“NTA.”
“My first thought aligns with others regarding nut allergies.”
“I don’t know how common roasted chestnuts are as a snack where you are.”
“But at least in the USA, I wouldn’t give some random kid one.”
“Ten is old enough to know what they’re allergic to.”
“But chestnuts aren’t that common here.”
“They could very well ask for one (roasted chestnuts smell crazy good) without even knowing they’re allergic to it.”
“I’m not risking it.”
“Putting that aside, you’re right in not wanting your kids to repeat this behavior.”
“It’s no good to take or ask for food from others without any parental supervision.”
“Your son should also learn to consult with you before saying ‘yes’ to a kid asking for something of yours.”- OrdinaryMajestic4686
“NTA.”
“For one, you don’t owe any kid your food, but it’s also dangerous for the kid.”
“You all have no idea if that kid has an allergy.”
“I can’t believe your boyfriend would have a problem if the roles were reversed and he found out that a stranger was giving your kid food.”- keesouth
It is important to teach children the importance of generosity.
It’s equally important, however, to teach children the importance of safety around strangers.
Something this unknown child, the OP’s children, as well as her boyfriend, could all learn from this experience.