When you’re a parent, you need a break now and again.
No, you deserve a break.
But just like anything else you should ask first before you just drop your kids and make them someone else’s responsibility.
It takes a village to raise kids, but you really should let the village know they’re help is needed.
Case in point…
Redditor Low-Ad-1414 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for intentionally drinking at family events so I’m not forced to babysit?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (30 M[ale]) am the only one of my siblings without children.”
“This is a personal choice for many reasons I won’t get into.”
“My parents live with my sister who is 9 years older and has 2 kids I see often.”
“However, my brother, 2 years older, has a young girl and 2 little boys.”
“All 3 are likely on the spectrum but my brother and his wife refuse to check through a doctor.”
“They’re also homeschooled in a VERY rural area.”
“And I don’t get to see my brother and his family very often, maybe once a year.”
“Every time I do spend time with my brother and his family, it never fails that he finds a way to dump his 3 kids on me (who may have special needs) the second he can.”
“So him and his wife can disappear from the ‘kids’ area.”
“I really only see my brother’s family during large family events.”
“The kids usually have their own separate area to play and eat away from the adults smoking cigarettes and drinking etc.”
“So they can socialize and let loose so to speak.”
“My brother’s 3 kids don’t leave the house very much (almost never, they live on a big farm).”
“So when they go to these kind of events, they’re over the top excited and harder to manage.”
“And one is nonverbal but CONSTANTLY walks around looking to play with literally deadly things.”
“So needless to say I’m not qualified or even capable to watch my brothers 3 kids by myself as well as they need.”
“Plus their cousins (my sister’s kids) also want to spend time with their cousins so I’m sitting there by myself watching 5 kids aged 4-8 by myself, 3 of which may have special needs.”
“One is a f**king monster, don’t @ me, and because I’m the ‘cool uncle.'”
“I gave them a Nintendo switch for my own peace of mind.”
“My brother assumes every time I’ll just watch his f**k trophies.”
“It’s gotten so blatant on my brother’s end that lately at family events my brother will give me a physical paper list of parental duties, a backpack with stuff for the kids.”
“Then turn his phone off in front of me then walk away after dumping his kids on me.”
“I go to these family events to spend time with my WHOLE family, not to be an isolated babysitter.”
“I love my nieces and nephews but this is one of the reasons I didn’t have children in my 20’s.”
“Family events are just as important to me as other parents there and they can manage to watch their own kids.”
“But my brother always finds a way to ditch me with his kids, then ultimately my sister’s kids join in too.”
“I don’t go to these family events to be a babysitter so I’ve just started drinking a bit before I show up.”
“And drink a little bit consistently enough to safely say I shouldn’t have 5 small children in my care.”
“Since these times are really the only times my brother sees me, he thinks I’m a drunk and spreading rumors as such.”
“AITA for drinking enough to not be forced to watch 5 small children, none of which are mine, by myself at family events so I can spend time with my WHOLE family?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Not at all, but lol at your solution instead of just confronting them.”
“You can do whatever you want at family parties BECAUSE you don’t have kids.”
“I would maybe tell him that you’re not available to babysit at parties and he should plan accordingly.” ~ mynameisfritz
“My response would be, ‘just because you don’t know how to use a condom, doesn’t mean I should pay for your mistakes’ NTA.” ~ Bonecup
“I’m a breeder and this mentality is why I don’t hang with other breeders often. They’re annoying.”
“If you don’t want the all the sh#t that goes with raising a human being, then don’t do it.”
“Kids aren’t accessories and they’re literally mini tyrants with all of your and their other parents bad traits in a cute container.”
“Like they’re awful.”
“So I support all childfree people refusing to babysit.” ~ gpw7536
“Just before the next family event, send messages to all of your siblings that you will no longer be providing babysitting services.”
“Get it all out in the open once and for all!”
“You’re a full-fledged, adult sibling who deserves a rightful seat at the Adult Table and shall no longer be relegated to the kiddies table.”
“It’s so sad that you felt you had to resort to drinking before attending family events to get out of this, but I understand.”
“They have abused you in the past, but let them clearly know that it shall no longer continue. G’Luck!” ~ bkupisch
“NTA. This is just your brother using you without any thought to you as a person.”
“Get your drink on.”
“Your other family members that actually care will ask you if you’re an alcoholic, you can be honest with them.”
“The ones that just accept the rumours, well that tells you their opinion of you.” ~ NatashOverWorld
“NTA – But that’s probably not the best way to deal with this.”
“Drinking and allowing others to assume you’re ‘a drunk’ is ridiculous.”
“Get into conversations and then say you can’t simply leave the chat and look after the kids.”
“Or start cooking something so they you can’t abandon the stove or the pan for too long.”
“Honestly, there’s no point being honest in these situations because they will probably only get selfishly offended.”
“But perhaps you don’t wanna be drunk everytime you meet your family.”
“How about doing a bad job?”
“Simply letting the kids leave the play area, not do anything too dangerous, but maybe allow them, even prod them to go their parents.”
“Perhaps if they constantly run amok, they will realize you aren’t gonna do the job too well.”
“Plus, if this happens too many times, it’ll be difficult to undo.”
“It’s so easy for people to start expecting things when you make a habit of it.”
“OR”
“Try something new everytime.”
“Chat on your phone, have an argument and show you’re upset.”
“You obviously are in no mood to be around kids what with the cussing and rage.”
“This is like a puzzle. Somethings gonna fit.” ~ MayofKent
“This is genius. I commend you.”
“At some point though- you’ve gotta actually confront him, even if gently.”
“If he brings a list, tell him ‘I see your shopping list for Santa has been submitted early this year,’ and refuse to take it.”
“Brings a backpack?”
“Tell him the color is a bit off for his complexion, but you admire his backpack fashion sense.”
“And again- don’t accept the backpack.”
“Make it clear that these things below with him- the PARENT.”
“If need be, be blunt. Tell him.”
“‘I am not their babysitter. I am here- as an adult- to socialize with my family, just like you. I will not be in charge of watching the kids today.'”
“And walk away. And maybe get a beer, just to solidify the moment.”
“Really though- NTA.”
“You’re not a glorified babysitter, and you’re not a kid brother who is hanging out with other kids.”
“You’re an adult and he’s not treating you as one.” ~UnencumberedChipmunk
“NTA. Drink away and next time tell your brother when he makes a comment about your drinking say it’s worked so now I don’t have to take care of his badly behaved progeny.”
“Then take a nice healthy swig and say Non-fatherhood is so freeing and skip away with glee.”
“All kidding aside, you are definitely NTA.” ~ Pand0raHaze
“NTA, but the better option would be to refuse to watch his kids.”
“If he does his whole ‘parental check list’ act, just look at him, ask him what he is doing and tell him you are not his babysitter.”
“If he switches off his phone, take out yours, put it on speakers and call whatever government agency is responsible in your neck of the woods and report his kids as abandoned.”
“Yeah, he’ll likely have a fit, but parenting is his job, and he is refusing to do it.” ~ Veilchengerd
Well OP, sounds like Reddit understands your plight.
You gotta do what you gotta do.
But maybe it’s also time for a family conference.
Cheers.