Humans and our diets.
Humans and our bodies.
Those conversations are never easy.
You would think in this body positive culture we’d be in a better place discussing it all.
But alas…
Case in point…
Redditor Valuable_Space9289 to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for calling out my girlfriend’s chubby 10 year old son, and embarrassing him?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hello, this is my first time here.”
“Please be nice to me.”
“I am in my late thirties and my girlfriend is the same.”
“We have been together for over 1.5 years, but we do not yet live together.”
“She has a son ‘Martin’ from a previous relationship.”
“Like I said in the title, he is 10.”
“Yesterday we were at a graduation party for my niece who just finished the 8th grade.”
“The party was at a banquet hall, I brought my girlfriend and Martin.”
“The dinner was buffet style and there was a giant appetizer table as well as a kid’s buffet table with things like chicken tenders, mini corn dogs, Mac and cheese and cheese pizza.”
“The background info y’all need is that Martin is a really sweet kid, but he is pretty overweight.”
“Like personally I think my girlfriend has a problem on her hands with this.”
“He’s just ALWAYS eating.”
“Here’s the situation that the conflict came from…”
“My girlfriend and I were spending some time saying hi to all my little cousins/nieces and nephews at their table.”
“Martin walked back to the buffet table with his 3rd plate pulled HIGH with mini corn dogs and pizza and proceeded to go to town on it.”
“I said ‘Martin, that’s supposed to be for everyone, not just for you.'”
“‘You need to let other people eat too.'”
“He got really quiet and was kind of off the rest of the party.”
“I took my GF and Martin home and then I got the angry call from GF.”
“She’s mad that I made that comment to Martin.”
“She said I embarrassed him, and insinuated that he is fat in front of all the other kids.”
“I didn’t think my comment was out of line, the kid was eating all the food.”
“She said that if I had a problem, I should have told her privately and she would talk to Martin privately.”
N”ow she’s upset and apparently Martin doesn’t like me anymore.”
“Am I an a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA.”
“She’s right. You’re not his parent. You don’t even live with him. You should have went to her and let her handle it.” ~ aunteemame
“My issue is that he called him out publicly.”
“If you are going to say something, it is private and to the side.”
“I have my nieces/nephews over often as a big group.”
“My nephew will eat more than his ‘share’ of group snacks immediately and then others who waited won’t have anything to eat.”
“I let him know privately to assess the situation.”
“For example if there are 8 mini bags of chips and 4 people hanging out, don’t eat more than 2 bags of chips.” ~ petunias25
“I was a heavier kid and I’m overweight now.”
“Comments like that from a father figure in front of friends and family are NOT going to help the situation AT ALL.”
‘Overeating for many many (probably most) people is an emotional issue.”
“You don’t treat it by embarrassing someone. Even an adult.”
“Giant YTA.” ~ AmazingBag3301
“Exactly. All you make us do is make it where we won’t want to eat in front of you.”
“I have a best friend who weighs maybe 150 soaking wet and all of her weight is in her a**.”
“And she sometimes makes comments about her weight.”
“She has never once made comments about mine but because people have done so before I have issues.”
“So when I’m literally double her size and she says ‘I feel so fat’ it makes it where I’m uncomfortable to eat.”
“Not because of her.”
“But because of s**t other people have said to me.”
“Residual trauma and fat phobia if you will.”
“Specifically from my equally overweight mother who was a size zero in high school and never let anyone forget it.” ~ PrincessStorm97
“A 10 yr old at OPs family party.”
“OP is his mom’s boyfriend so no legitimacy for kid – he’s the relationship limbo stray human in this mix.”
“I’d focus on pizza and mini corn dogs too in such a precarious social setting.”
OP your job as the adult whose family this is, was to shepard him through it.
“Introduce him to other kids/people.”
“Know in advance who might share things he’s interested in, etc.”
“Instead you saw this as a date w his mom and a night out/party for you.”
“What else was he supposed to do?” ~ No_Appointment_7232
“As soon as I saw OP state ‘Please be nice to me,’ I knew this wasn’t going to end well for them.”
“This statement proves that OP knew they were about to be ripped to shreds.”
“YTA OP. You’re not his parent, and you weren’t the host of the party (you know, the person who actually paid and has the right to be concerned about the consumption of food).”
“So your opinion means nothing.” ~ ZippyKat85
“It’s really this simple. It’s none of your business, OP. “
“YTA. What you did was the opposite of help.” ~ peepeebongstocking
“YTA why are you bullying a kid wtf.”
“You literally made fun of a 10 year old in public and tried to justify it.”
“A) it’s not your kid and…
“B) if it is really that much of a concern talk to his mom in private not publicly call him out.”
“I can guarantee calling him out in public will absolutely not help him.” ~ ESLsucks
“He also might be over exaggerating about a plate ‘piled high’ with food.”
“It’s also a general statement, without actually explaining what he had on his plate and how much in terms of measurements, because if OP was really paying attention he would have known.”
“This sounds like the abuse of a narcissist, to be honest.”
“Because every single thing I ate my parents would say I ate too much and all I ate was junk.”
“It’s easy to project things onto kids.”
“I wasn’t fat, yet my parents still said I was.” ~ CNoelA83
“We only know that OP says the kid is fat.”
“That could mean anything. From a little pudgy to actually overweight.”
“OP could be a gym rat and thinks any extra fat is overweight.”
“But this kid is 10.”
“You’re right he should have taken it up with the mom.”
“Kids at that age go through huge growth spurts and calling them out like that can cause issues with food for the rest of their lives.”
“And I’m not being dramatic. Seriously think.”
“Do you ever lay awake at night and still cringe over things that happened in High School and Junior High?”
“I know I do and I’m 36.”
“I won’t go as far as to say the guy is a narcissist.”
“That’s a big word to use.”
“But he was absolutely a jerk in that moment.” ~ mgulley08
“Calling kids out in public isn’t ‘helping’ them.”
“You know what it does do though?”
“Makes them want to eat food AT you from then on.”
“All he’s thinking when you’re around now is, ‘You think I don’t need more? Well watch this! I’ll eat a BUNCH more because f**k you!'”
“Great job digging those bad habits in a little bit deeper OP.”
“Martin is worse off for knowing you.”
“You have lost his trust. I award you no points. YTA.” ~ kevwelch
“This AITA put a tear in my eye because I was always the pudgy kid and got taunted by adults publicly when eating all the time.”
“This didn’t cause me to eat at people though, it did the opposite.”
“I would horde and hide food and eat it in secret, basically another form of disordered eating.”
“20 years later and I still struggle with eating in public.”
“Giving Martin an eating disorder is evil.” ~ Chris_Owl11
“I’m split in this.”
“I wouldn’t call his exact words bullying.”
“He could honestly have commented on his weight etc.”
“And depending on the size of the child buffet.”
“I would have been told kinda the same as a kid ‘remember it’s for everyone.'”
“What we do agree on is should have let the mother handle it and let her take him to the side not in front of everyone.”
“That is not OP’s place to step up.”
“But a third plate piled with pizza and corn dogs.”
“(Depending how much was on plate 1 and 2 and how exact many was on plate 3 and the sice of corn dogs and pizza sliced).”
“Sounds like a lot of food.”
“And if the child eats that much constantly?”
“(If OP isn’t just exaggerating) the mother should perhaps talk with the doctor if it’s affecting his weight and health.”
“There can be a ton of reasons a kid constantly feels hungry, mentally… illnesses…” ~ Dangerous-WinterElf
Well OP, it sounds like there is a lot of work to be done in this situation.
Maybe grab your GF and read through this together.
Then the both of you can come up with a way to speak to Martin.
Good luck.