Anyone who has ever traveled by plane can attest to how frustrating it can be to make flight arrangements in the first place, let alone to change and renegotiate them.
But as frustrating as changing flight plans might be, it’s not the best look to abandon one of your loved ones when they’re taking too long in the public restroom to board the flight on time, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor only_child_by_choice was waiting to board a plane when their stepsister needed to use the restroom and could not wait, even though it might mean missing their flight.
She was later furious when the Original Poster (OP) didn’t wait for her to get on the plane and had to make her own solo travel plans to get home.
They asked the sub:
“AITAH for leaving my stepsister at the airport because she was constipated?”
The OP and their stepsister were traveling together for a wedding.
“We are both in our mid-20s. Ella, my stepsister, and I were in Texas recently for a wedding.”
“We had a layover that was about four hours, and then we were flying into California and then heading up to Washington.”
The pair disagreed about their plans for boarding the plane.
“Ella said she had to use the bathroom.”
“I said, ‘Don’t do it. We are boarding in 20 minutes, and you can use the plane toilet.'”
“She said she had to go, she felt sick, and she was not going to wait.”
“Ella asked if I would watch her backpack, and I said, ‘No, because I’m getting on that plane if you are not back.’ I had my carry-on suitcase and my own personal item.”
“She took her backpack, was upset the whole time, and then as I’m getting onto the plane and sitting in my seat and trying to save her one… She texts me, telling me that she is having horrible constipation and that she needs me to get off the plane and wait for her.”
The OP kept their word.
“I told her no. I said that she should let them know, and I can give her money for another plane ticket if she needs it. I said I would see her in Washington if she could not get a plane right away.”
“She tried to call me three or four times. I answered and told her I’m not getting off the plane. I told her not to go into the bathroom, and if she hurries, she can hold it and then use the bathroom on the plane.”
“She missed the flight, had to get another ticket, and met me back in Washington, where I picked her up from the airport and took us home.”
“AITAH for not waiting for her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn’t understand why the stepsister couldn’t wait until the flight.
“That’s way too much money to waste just because you are unwilling to travel alone.”
“Also, I can totally see missing the plane because of diarrhea, because you literally can’t hold it in, but with constipation, even if it hurts, she certainly could have gotten on the airplane and dealt with it there?”
“NTA.” – First-Stress-9893
“The deal with constipation is nothing’s moving. Uncomfortable as h**l, but it’s not like waiting 20 minutes to use the plane’s toilet was going to make much difference.”
“Or, if it was ready to fire, it shouldn’t take 20 minutes to push it out.” – Senator_bink
“Constipation is NOT an emergency, as it is merely uncomfortable, but nothing is going to unexpectedly come out.”
“I would have absolutely left with an absolutely clear conscience and no need to crowdsource whether I acted appropriately.” – Jujulabee
“She was in the airport or on the airplane, either way.”
“Seems like it would have made more sense for her to get on the plane and keep moving towards her destination. Instead of waiting around the airport for something to happen and having to replace your plane ticket.” – Jodenaje
“I have horrible bowel issues, but in no way would I expect someone to miss a plane for me!! Like what!!?? Maybe if this were my partner or spouse, but stepsister!? No way!”
“And I plan around my bowels-seriously! If I am flying, I take meds the night before and I make sure I don’t eat or drink anything that may cause an issue. It doesn’t always work, but it helps.”
“NTA, and it’s insane that people are saying the opposite.” – Mollyblum69
“There is no indication that her constipation is a medical emergency. Also, they are stepsisters, not husband and wife or parent/child.”
“OP made it clear she thought going to the bathroom then was a bad idea, and she wasn’t willing to miss the plane.”
“Her step-sister made the choice to go to the bathroom anyway. Also, her stepsister didn’t need OP to hold her hand in the bathroom.”
“What exactly could OP do to help with constipation? Squeeze?” – stilletto929
But others empathized with the OP’s stepsister and her possible health concerns.
“I think some people haven’t dealt with real bad constipation. It’s not just uncomfortable; it can be very painful. You feel very sick, you can get fever-like symptoms. In some cases, you can actually end up in hospital where they have to manually extract it.”
“The last thing you would want is to go on a plane toilet with little room to move, with people waiting to use the loo and with altitude and air pressure making it worse, oh, and vomiting.”
“She was unwell, and OP chose to just leave her. I get the money issue, but empathy is important. Caring for your loved ones is important.” – Rorosi67
“I wouldn’t want to be on a plane when I’ll with constipation. The air pressure will make it worse, the toilets are tiny, and if stay longer than usual, you are going to get the hostess coming to see what’s going on. Then you may well vomit, and that on a plane is horrible not only for you but for the other too.”
“It’s bad enough being in bad pain when you have space, but it makes it even worse when you have no space to move. And if you had ended up needing to go to the hospital, that could have caused the plane to have to divert and land somewhere else.”
“And yes, I have known several people who have ended up in hospital with severe constipation.” – BareKnuckledKitten
“This happened to me where I vomited, the pain was so bad. You get really hot and sweaty and feel completely sick and throw up and then finally s**t.”
“I can’t imagine feeling that way on a plane, and if that happened to me I would be really upset if my companion left without me. If it was happening to someone else, I would definitely stay with them too.” – blondebia
“I have IBS with chronic constipation and a spastic colon. People don’t realize how incredibly painful it is, especially if your bowels are compacted. I have actually almost thrown up because I was so backed up.”
“Not sure if your stepsister has a medical condition or not, but if this is normal for her, she should get a diagnosis.”
“But even without a diagnosis, sometimes life just hits you wrong, and it hurts out of nowhere. She wasn’t just constipated, OP said she felt sick.”
“Would I ask someone to stay with me and miss their flight? No, but I have been in situations where I get hit hard with bowel issues, and it’s not easy. “ – unexpectedlytired
“It doesn’t have to be chronic for it to be that bad. This happened to me while I was out. It was sudden and unbearable and had never happened before or again after. Assuming it was that bad, I wouldn’t have gotten on the plane, either.”
“That being said, you’re NTA. You paid for the new ticket and picked her up. She was already in the airport, so there was pretty much no ‘traveling alone’ anxieties to worry about.” – ApprehensiveBat21
“NTA. She said she was not going to wait and went to the bathroom. You said you weren’t going to wait and got on the plane.”
“She wasn’t at risk of pooping herself, just being very uncomfortable. If you stayed behind, it’d be even more money wasted on rebooking.”
“All around a no-win situation for both, but you at least picked her up from the airport.” – jewel_flip
The subReddit understood how frustrating it was to organize travel plans, especially with another person, but they were divided over what the OP had done.
On the one hand, it made little sense for the pair to waste the cost of two plane tickets, since the stepsister already had to buy a replacement for hers.
But on the other hand, they were family, and the stepsister had an immediate medical concern that may have been better addressed in the airport rather than on the airplane, and perhaps being there for her would have meant more than the cost of another plane ticket.