Finances are always a delicate issue, an issue not everyone is always comfortable talking about.
Some people don’t give a second thought about how much they spend, knowing they have a weekly paycheck to keep them up to speed.
Others, however, keep a very close eye on all their financial transactions, taking note of every penny they spend.
The sort of people that tend to be a little wary giving out money to others.
Redditor Super-Ad-2617 recently started a new job.
Shortly after starting, the original poster (OP) was asked by a colleague if she wanted to contribute to the monthly birthday fund.
The OP was willing to contribute, on one non-negotiable condition.
A condition their colleague flatly refused to oblige.
Concerned she may have been difficult, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to cover a shared cost after my coworker wouldn’t show me the break of what the money had gone towards so far?”
The OP explained why she was hesitant to contribute to her office birthday fund:
“I (24 F[emale]) recently started my first full time job after graduating.”
“My company has an optional team social fund where each member of our small department contributes a set amount every month to cover birthday treats, team lunches, and small surprises.”
“It sounded harmless, so I joined when my coworker Liam asked.”
“He manages the fund and everyone just sends him their contribution directly.”
“Not that I suspected anything but last month.”
“I asked if he could give me a breakdown of what the money had gone towards so far, because I’m trying to be better about tracking my spending.”
“My mom drilled into me that I should always know where my money is going.”
“He said, ‘Yeah, I’ll get it to you later’.”
“He didn’t.”
“Few days later, he didn’t send anything but he reminded me that my monthly contribution was due.”
“I asked politely for the breakdown again.”
“No reply.”
“I waited a few days and sent a follow up, nothing.”
“He responds to other messages in the work group chat, but mine about the fund get ignored.”
“Last week he came to my desk and said, ‘Hey, you still haven’t sent your part for the fund this month’.”
“I told him I’d be happy to once I got the breakdown I’d asked for, nothing complicated, just a list of what’s been purchased with everyone’s contributions.”
“His whole demeanor shifted.”
“He sighed loudly and said, ‘Nobody else needs this level of detail. It’s supposed to be casual. You’re making it weird’.”
“I told him it wasn’t personal, it’s just my budget and my comfort.”
“He walked away mid sentence.”
“Now a couple coworkers have hinted that I’m overthinking everything and making extra work for Liam.”
“One even said I was being stingy for not just paying like everyone else.”
“I’m starting to feel guilty, but it also seems like a basic thing to ask when I’m handing over money every month.”
“AITA for refusing to contribute again until he shows me what the fund is actually being spent on?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Some felt the OP was more than justified, and deserved to know where her money was going before continuing to pay towards the fund:
“Optional social fund.”
“‘Sorry just started, not in my budget right now’.”
“Optional.”
“End of discussion.”
“NTA, but don’t ask, just say no.”- ZookeepergameOk1833
“NTA.”
“Liam’s embezzling or at the least, mismanaging the fund.”
“He’s lashing out because you’re about to end his gravy train.”- ScarlettsLetters
“HARD NTA.”
“If it was an innocent situation like ‘oh. Ive never really tracked it, I’m sorry, if you don’t want to participate this month that’s okay’ or, ‘oh I never thought to track it closely but i probably should track it anyway, I’ll start and you can see it next month’ he would not have reacted that way.”
“No one flies to unhinged nonsense unless they’re trying to cover something up by deflecting/diverting attention from themselves.”
“Except emotionally immature, entitled men.”
“He’s either embezzling, or he’s an immature a**hole.”
“Either way, not someone you should give your money to.”- Professional_Copy517
Others, however, felt that the OP was taking this a bit too seriously, as an office fund for birthdays wasn’t uncommon. But many were suspicious of the fact that the OP never disclosed how much the contribution was:
“Probably YTA.”
“This sounds like a casual thing, and I doubt that Liam is keeping strict records.”
“And everyone else seems to be ok with that.”
“I understand you want to know the details, but it sounds like you are going against the grain, so to speak.”
“Even if you are technically ‘right’ about asking, is this really a fight you want to pick with new coworkers?”- Azdak66
“Something is telling me they’re asking for like $5 a month from each person which is why you’re not answering how much….. if that’s the case, YTA.”
“Liam’s organizing, coordinating, and executing, just say no to begin with.”- Cryanbutcher
‘If I were tasked with gathering money (and chasing people who aren’t paying it) and budgeting and funding these events, then I’m spending enough of my time on this already.’
“I sure as hell wouldn’t be preparing a damn spreadsheet because someone needs to account for who got what birthday cake.”
“Either contribute and get over it or don’t contribute.”
“It’s optional.”
“Opt out.”
“But don’t make it harder on someone who is probably not thrilled to have to manage the process anyway.”
“YTA.”- cb1977007
“Unless you are getting cheap stuff for the celebrations, what’s the big deal?”
“Liam’s effort and time also cost money.”
“If you choose to not contribute you should also skip enjoying any of his efforts at future events.”
“YTA.”- Flimsy_Word7242
“lol OP dodges all the questions about how much the monthly cost is.”
“OP YTA, this is the important detail.”
“If it’s $5 per person, then you need to just say you do not want to participate, bc asking for a breakdown for $5 monthly fee is ridiculous.”
“Someone is taking their time to buy a gift/plan lunch, etc.”
“If it’s $20 or more and there are over 50 ppl participating well, that’s interesting, and we want to know an example of how they celebrate someone’s birthday.”- day6424
“YTA.”
“This is your first job after graduating, and this is how you act when asked to contribute to an optional social fund?”
“Maybe a WFH situation would be best for you.”- Tall_Scholar_8597
“YTA, your money is going to the voluntary casual fund you wanted to participate in.”
“Just stop participating if you’re going to make more work and stress people out.”- Diligent-Horror1981
“This is so silly.”
“Everyone screaming fraud and embezzlement has Reddit brain.”
“No one committing actual fraud is going to keep hounding someone who clearly wants details about the fund.”
“He would just move on and hope they (in this case, OP) forget it ever existed.”
“Sorry, but it seems like you’re making a huge deal about nothing (especially since the fund is OPTIONAL) and what’s probably a tiny amount of $$.”
“Nobody has time to be saving receipts and making spreadsheets for an OPTIONAL social fund.”
“The fact that anyone is managing it at all is a godsend.”
“People have enough actual work to do; nobody is adding to that for an amount probably less than $50 a month.”
“YTA.”- randomrandomoduuugh
While others had trouble sympathizing with anyone, feeling like the OP was overreacting, but Liam should still be able and willing to provide the breakdown:
“ESH.”
“He should be tracking how the money is spent.”
“But ‘knowing where your money is going’ doesn’t mean following every penny after you’ve given it to someone.”
“When you pay for a meal at a restaurant, do you ask the manager for their financial records so you know how your money is spent?”
“Do you ask your landlord for a breakdown of where your rent money goes?”
“Being financially literate and ‘knowing where your money is going’ means knowing what you are paying.”
“Not having little charges you’re overlooking and paying without getting anything out of it.”
“Things like that.”
“If you don’t think the social fund is worth it, stop contributing.”
“If you actually think Liam is mismanaging it, stop contributing.”
“How that money gets spent after you’ve given it to him doesn’t affect your budget.”
“Hounding someone for details on how much they spend on birthday cakes and paper plates for the office in the name of ‘your budget’ is creating tension for no reason.”- Swirlyflurry
The OP is valid in wanting to know where her money is going, and Liam’s reaction suggests that perhaps it might not all be going where she thinks it is.
Even so, rather than bring all this unwanted attention to herself, the OP might want to consider how much the monthly donation is eating into her finances.
As if it’s not enough to make any sort of worrisome dent, perhaps it isn’t worth the trouble she’s found herself in?