It's my house, so I can do what I want.
Right?
Not necessarily.
Redditor hanging-Out28 is currently in some hot water with his neighbor for sleeping in the nude.
This disagreement led him to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA).
He asked,
"AITA for continuing to sleep nude despite my neighbors being able to see into my bedroom?"
He went on to tell his story.
"So, I'm a 28-year-old dude and have been living in my house for a few years now."
"One of the main reasons I chose this place was because my bedroom faced east, allowing me to wake up to the morning sunlight."
"Most mornings I wake up before my alarm goes off just because the sunlight coming through the window waking me up."
"There used to be a treeline that provided a natural barrier between my house and any potential neighbors, so I never saw the need for curtains or blinds along with they are expensive as hell for the nice ones."
"Recently my neighborhood expanded, and most of the treeline my bedroom was facing was cut down to build new houses."
"So boom, then there's a house was built right across from mine, and their window has a clear view into my bedroom."
"I've always been comfortable sleeping nude, and it wasn't an issue when there were no neighbors around."
"But not long after the people moved in, the father from the house came over to my house and pretty much told me to stop being nude in front of my windows since his family can see inside my bedroom."
"He wasn't nice about it. But, he wasn't mean either, just matter of factly like he gave me an order a fully expected it to be done like I was his kid or his employee."
"I was somewhat surprised but understood his concern, so I made an effort to be more mindful of my nudity when in view of the window."
"I stopped cleaning and making my bed before getting dressed. I'd hop out of bed, walk into my closet, and at least put on shorts, then go about my morning chores."
"That being said, I still sleep nude, and I occasionally end up being visible to the neighbors for a brief moment after waking up."
"The father came over again, leading to an argument between us."
"I told him I was trying my best to be considerate, but there's only so much I can do and that it's my house and I'm not changing my lifestyle because they moved in."
"He threatened to call the police and said I was being a "menace to the neighborhood" whatever the hell that means."
The OP was left to wonder...
"So, am I the a**hole for continuing to sleep nude even though my neighbors can see into my bedroom?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
NTA. Some commenters are suggesting OP should put blinds. If the neighbor is bothered, then they should put up blinds. Why is this a problem for OP to solve? - Wild_Ad_2495
"NTA but offering another simple solution, I got a bunch of that frosty rainbow window cling to stuff, so it distorts what you're seeing from the outside and actually makes the sunlight extra pretty."
"Plus, you really only need to put it in the bottom part of the window to essentially blur out anything." - Sudo_Incognito
"NAH - BUT maybe you could get a window cling that obscures the clear view into your bedroom without sacrificing the natural light you enjoy and the fleshy freedom you love." - Asleep-Hold-4686
"NTA. He can put up curtains to block his view of your house."
"He's asking/telling you to put up curtains so that he can keep his windows open; while you block the morning sun that you wake up to."
"Just like my Grandma who complains I never phone; like phones, curtains work both ways."
"EDIT: Although my grandma lives in my memories, and I can hear her voice; she's no longer around to answer the call."
"I phoned and visited regularly; it was just part of our routine where she would complain. After each time I reminded her it was a 2-way street, I'm pretty certain she phoned a different grandkid."
"She needed the reminder; she felt guilty disturbing people her entire life. I have no regrets. We had a great relationship." - Grand-Corner1030
"NTA If he bothers you again, ask why his family spends so much time looking in your bedroom." - DreamingofRlyeh
"ESH. While you have every right to be naked and do what you want in your own home, your neighbors (and particularly their children) also should not have to see you naked without their consent."
"Your neighbors could get blinds/curtains, but equally so could you."
"If price is an issue, you could get one of those privacy films that attaches to the window with static. You can cut them to size."
"Could be more expensive than some cheapy curtains but will be cheaper than really nice blinds."
"I have some and love them. They let sunlight in without compromising my privacy." - jayneadams
"'While you have every right to be naked and do what you want in your own home, your neighbors (and particularly their children) also should not have to see you naked without their consent.'"
"Then they shouldn't be looking in someone else's f*ckin house LOL"
"NTA" - OneDumbf*ckLater [censored]
"I don't get why people don't realize. There are public indency laws if this person is in US"
"You can be naked in your home when you have an expectation of privacy."
"If you don't block the view into your home using blind, you lose that expectation of privacy, and now you see in public view and under public indecency laws."
"Ie you can't be full nude in public"
"Edit i know it varies by jurisdiction, that's up to OP to check his own jurisdiction. And what you can do in yours doesn't mean he can do in his" - RandomGuy_81
"YTA - I'm sure you can solve this "problem" so you don't flash your neighbors. You act like there's no middle ground here when there clearly is (sheer curtains, window film, etc)." - BeepBlipBlapBloop
"YTA, curtains exist to let in the sunlight and also just show shadows. Whether they have curtains or not isn't the issue. They may be in their backyard or outside and can see you."
"You can sleep nude and walk around your house nude, but why do you feel the need to show off your nudity to the world?"
"I wouldn't want to see my neighbors naked, would you enjoy getting flashed by a random person's genitals during the day ?"
"I would hope not. Unless you live in a nudist colony, there are children around, so I really don't understand your need to expose yourself to the outside world."
"I also don't know how the states work, but in Canada, it is a crime: C.c.C. 174 (1) Everyone who, without lawful excuse, (b) is nude and exposed to public view while on private property, whether or not the property is his own, is guilty of an offense punishable on summary conviction." - Aves667
"YTA"
"Stop flashing your neighbors. Get a shear curtain that allows sunlight in but doesn't show your bits and bobs." - KronkLaSworda
YTA. Time to buy some curtains.
And re: the "menace to the neighborhood" thing, since you've been informed that your new neighbors (including children) can see into your windows, by continuing not to put curtains up and be naked in front of them, you're kinda knowingly exposing yourself to unconsenting parties (INCLUDING MINORS)..... not a good look. Get curtains- kenziecrystai
"Omg dude, just get some f*cking curtains. YTA for acting like there's no alternative." - lihzee
"I know someone who got prosecuted for being naked in his window. The neighbor claimed their children were being abused by a creeper."
"It wasn't pretty. Get some blinds, OP…that's what adults do." - OldDudeOpinion
"My suggestion would be installation of glass tint. You won't lose the sunlight, but also your neighbors won't be able to see in."
"Easy solution. No blinds or curtains to hang or install. You can still see out, but they can't see in." - Kikimoonbeamglow
"NTA"
"Curtains work both ways. They're asking you to shut your curtains (or put up a curtain) when they can just as easily shut their own curtains."
"They don't want to shut their own because it inconveniences them." - GopherDog22
"YTA. they have that have ALL their windows covered to stop them from exposing themselves in one?" - iDrum17
"AH seems strong for someone being comfortable in their own house, but as others have pointed out a set of sheer curtains pretty easily brings you in line with community standards."
"Mild YTA because it seems pretty easy to get what you want without presenting yourself to the world."
"Plus, for people telling you there's nothing the police can do about it, they're absolutely wrong."
"Technically, (at least where I'm from) you would not be committing something like indecent exposure because you're not doing it for sexual pleasure."
"But that completely relies on people believing you. All you need is one kid (or their parents) to complain, and you could have trouble on your hands even if you're innocent." - SporadicCounsel
So, is it rude to be nude?
Let us know what you all think in the comments.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp