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Dad Upsets Daughter By Refusing To Pay For Her College Unless She Picks A Major Beforehand


College is so expensive.

The battle over the cost of school has gotten out of control.

So many people are looking at the choice of major more carefully.

And that can lead to some difficult conversations.

Case in point…

Redditor Big_Problem1897 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for having a college fund come with conditions?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

I (47 M[ale]) have a daughter (19 F[emale]) who is class of 2022.”

“Over the years I have set aside a college fund for her, enough for any decent four year university.”

“She has been pretty indecisive about what she wants to do after high school and I understand.”

“It’s a wildly young age to completely know what you want to do for the rest of your life.”

“So when she said she wanted to take some time off for college I was all for it.”

“Hoping she’d take the time to think things over.”

“She came to my wife and me yesterday and said next semester she wants to go to school.”

“I said great, and started asking the standard questions like what she decided to study, and where she wanted to go.”

“She had no answer for either of the questions.”

“I told her if she’s still unsure the what’s and where’s of her decision she should maybe think about taking her GenEd’s at the local community college to save money and not waste her time.”

“To note, I will give her any money not used in her college fund after she graduates for a down payment or for some getting started money depending on how much is left over.”

“She was resistant to the idea of community college and insisted she wants to go to a four year.”

“I told her that I don’t want her going to a 4 year just to waste her time.”

“I told her that I was unsure of what I wanted to do when I went to a 4 year and ended up taking classes I didn’t need to.”

“And having to spend time making classes up that I should’ve been taking years before.”

“I don’t want her to be in the same situation I was.”

“I told her if she wants to go to a 4 year that’s fine, but if she doesn’t have a set goal in mind then I’m not paying for it.”

“If she decides what field she wants to go into then I would be happy to do it.”

“If she doesn’t know what she wants to do but still wants to take classes then I am more than happy to pay for those.”

“But I’m not going to waste my money for her to mess around for a couple years.”

“She is also welcome to take more time to think about things before going to college.”

“As the money isn’t going anywhere and we are in no hurry to push her out of the nest.”

“She wasn’t too thrilled about my conditions and begged me to pay for a 4 year.”

“I told her that I will not do that but I gave her other options to pick from.”

“I reassured her that I loved her and ended the conversation at that.”

“My wife agrees with me, but is overall more sympathetic to our daughter.”

“I said she is welcome to take all the time she needs and I’ve been more than generous with her.”

“I’m not asking her to declare a major or decide a career.”

“I’m asking for some kind of idea of what she wants to do.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. Universities are overpriced for the value received.” ~ dwells2301

“Yup! If I could go back, I’d of opted out of going to college and gotten a practical job.”

“Instead I have a bachelors degree and nothing to show for it, other than mass amounts of loan debt.” ~ Moonbaby6669

“Me, too! I was good at everything in high school and coasted through but had no real ambition, so pretty much chose a major on a whim.”

“And then realized after getting my bachelor’s that employers expect a damn Master’s which I had no ambition to do so an entire four years wasted.”

“I should’ve done a similar course of study at a college, gotten a lower level job and worked my way up.”  ~ god**mmitryan

“NTA. OP I am betting that she suddenly wants to go to school — at a 4-year, because prestige — because all her friends are posting about buying their gear and moving out, and going off to live in dorms etc. — very exciting!”

“It’s fear of missing out.

“How much exposure has your daughter had, to adults who have jobs and will talk about them?”

“Like, has she seen you or your wife at work?”

“Has she asked Uncle Brad what it’s like to run his own business? Anything…?”

“It might be worthwhile to line your daughter up with a counsellor who can provide aptitude tests and career counselling.”

“She seems to be floundering in IDunnoLand right now…”

“For what it’s worth I started Uni at 17 and did exactly what you fear your daughter will do.”

“I registered late so wasted my first semester on utterly useless subjects, tanked them all, and got put on academic probation.”

“Then I had to spend an extra half-year re-taking those stupid courses to pull up the marks… all the things.”

“If only someone had listened when I said I wanted a ‘gap year’ off to work, earn some money and grow up a bit.”

“That first year wound up being a demoralizing waste of everyone’s money and my time.”

“Props to you for seeing the pitfall.”  ~ little500HondaCBR

OP had more details to share…

“She isn’t super interested in what me and my wife do.”

“I’m a CPA and she’s a nurse, so not the world’s most exciting careers, more mine than hers.”

“She has her own part time retail job, so she knows what a working environment is like.”

“I know they had job fairs when she was in high school but I’m not sure how much mind she paid to it all.”

“She seems very hesitant to even think about what she wants to do.”

“She doesn’t have many hobbies outside of electronics.”

“Which I know is partially my fault as a parent.”

“She likes animals, and she loves to help her grandma with gardening.”

Reddit continued…

“Her interest in technology could translate to a huge variety of fields.”

“It’s simply amazing how many jobs exist now that didn’t exist when I graduated 20 years ago.”

“NTA for expecting her to go to community college until she narrows down her educational path.”

“There is no shame in taking general ed classes at community college, and many have a wide variety of classes available that she could try out.”

“I would suggest she look through the course catalog for different schools to see what classes sound interesting to start with.” ~ Humble_Entrance3010

“You should consider the unintended consequences here— you are giving her a huge motivation to just pick any career path so she can go to a four year university.”

“Pressuring her to pick now makes it much more likely she will go far down that path and have a much harder time when she changes her mind.”  ~ Temporary_Badger

“NTA. I understand your point.”

“I went to a C[ommunity] C[ollege] and then transferred to a U[niversity] C[ollege].”

“I am happy I chose CC because I saved a ton of money but I did miss out on a lot of experiences.”

“When I went off to my UC I was only on campus for 6 months before the pandemic hit.”

“I really never got a college experience which sucks but I did everything I could when I was on campus.”

“I joined three different clubs and became President my senior year of one.”

“So you can do things even if you come from a CC.”  ~ GetawayCar2017

“This will probably be unpopular but I think YTA.”

“There’s a reason you don’t usually have to declare a major until halfway through college— you’re not supposed to go in knowing exactly what you want to do at 18.”

“There are Gen Ed requirements and time to explore different electives and find your path.”

“And you do it in an academic environment where everyone you live and socialize with us doing the same thing.”

“You set this money aside for her and I think she should be allowed to decide what to do with it.”

“Give her advice but don’t force her to take a path she doesn’t want.”  ~ Temporary_Badger

“NTA… I guess because it is your money.”

“But you seem to be overcorrecting based on your personal experience.”

“Lots of kids figure out what they want to do in college and having a degree in ANY field is a prerequisite to many or most good jobs in today’s world.”  ~ Fuzzy-Constant

Well OP, for the most part Reddit is with you.

And everyone else seems to at least understand where you’re coming from.

Kids are going to find their way.

Hopefully everyone ends up happy with these decisions.