Health and the body is a very intimate relationship we all have with ourselves.
How we choose to dress and present ourselves to the world is a choice free to all of us.
So in can lead to a lot drama when others try to step on that freedom.
Case in point…
A Redditor wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for letting my daughter get a ‘nose job?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter (16 F[emale]) has had breathing issues most of her life, and I too have chronic sinusitis and I can’t breath though my nose when lying down.”
“She did allergy testing, tried nasal sprays, neti pot, air purifier, etc etc.”
“After a while she was losing sleep due to not being able to breath so we brought her to an ENT who suggested turbinate reduction and septoplasty.”
“He did warn us that the surgery could make her nose look wider and she was afraid of that but agreed to do it because she couldn’t handle not being able to breath.”
“The healing from the surgery was hell but afterwards she could breath significantly better.”
“The surgery did make her nose much wider and it didn’t fit her face as well compared to her presurgery nose.”
“She complained and hated her nose but my husband and I told her to give it some time.”
“After 2 years she asked us for a rhinoplasty to get her nose back to presurgery shape for her birthday and I agreed.”
“My husband was very against it and told me only sl*ts get rhinoplasty and he won’t let our daughter get plastic surgery.”
“We had lots of fights until I just took her to get her nose fixed.”
“In my mind it’s not really a cosmetic procedure if it’s to correct what the previous surgery caused.”
“Surgery went well and she likes her new nose but my husband tells her she is ugly now because she got plastic surgery and she has cried and yelled at him for it.”
“I probably should have known he would react like this because he is very conservative and against all plastic surgery.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA, your husband used that term?”
“And now he calls her ugly?”
“Nobody, I mean nobody speaks to my daughter like that, I don’t care if he is her father.”
“That would be the end of that, your daughter does not need that man in her life.” ~ whatsmypassword73
“As a father of a daughter myself this father is absolutely disgusting.”
“OP if you read any these you need to SERIOUSLY push for counseling at a minimum, and if he says no I’d look at divorce.”
“Absolutely NTA, but boy oh boy is your husband an a**hole dad of the decade.”
“I really hope your daughter realizes her father means what he says when he says these things and actively takes steps to protect herself by cutting contact as soon as she’s physically able.” ~ NostalgiaDad
“Yeah OP, you need to stand behind your daughter firmly.”
“My father said something similar to me and as an adult I will never forget it.”
“As a teen I felt unworthy and made some stupid choices because of his words.”
“You are NTA for helping your child.” ~ TootTurtle
“Actually, she needs to stand in front of her, physically in front.”
“She needs to physically shield her daughter from the outrageous vitriol that is being spewed at her.”
“It’s one thing for a parent to be off to the side, verbally trying to stop the barrage of garbage speak.”
“But it brings a whole other level of feeling protected, valued, respected, etc when someone physically blocks out the source and then defends you.” ~ BestestBruja
“OP NTA.”
“Maybe ask your husband why his belief is Supreme and if he thinks his daughter is likely to confide in him when she’s in danger, seek comfort from him when the world is unduly cruel and love and respect him because he’s a great father?”
“And ask why any good father would do anything less.”
“It’s terrible, cruel and sad what capital in the form of that foundational love of a father he is pecking off her and wasting.”
“If this is the hill he chooses to die on, I would let him do it without me or child.”
“Hard stop! Parents are supposed to love and respect the sanctity if the lives the bring into the world.”
“He’s squandering that gift.” ~ No_Appointment_7232
“This man doesn’t seem to realize that having a loving and supportive father helps empower a young woman in her romantic life.”
“When a father has treated his daughter with respect, it helps her demand that same respect from any young man interested in dating her.”
“I hate the ‘daddy issues’ stereotype, but this poor girl went from having a dad whose love helped keep her heart strong and safe, to spewing enough disgust and hate to shatter her heart and toss it out into the cold.”
“Her desperation for the return of her father’s love and approval will leave her vulnerable to the first guy that knows how to spot it.”
“Meanwhile, her father will tear her down even more, shouting how right he was to call her a sl*t.” ~ DragonCelica
“She may not be TA for letting her daughter get the surgery.”
“But she definitely is TA for letting her husband speak and belittle their daughter like that.”
“She says he ‘tells’ her which means it’s an ongoing thing as well as the daughter yells and him.”
“She doesn’t even state she’s sticking up for her daughter.” ~ HeroicHealer19
“Seriously. My parents and I have a great, very open understanding relationship.”
“They both know my take on everything to do with relationships and sex and I’m sure they’ve figured out I’m no saint but I don’t see my parents ever being able to see me and ‘sl*t’ in the same realm.”
“Insulting your child like that is just mind boggling, especially because this situation has nothing to do with sex???”
“Your kid had surgery. “
“It had an unwanted complication.”
“She had another surgery to fix said complication.”
“And now you’re spewing hateful, misogynistic bull crap at her?”
“When she’s still an impressionable teenager? God the husband is TA.”
“OP you better find some way to get him to correct himself.”
“In the meantime, support the hell out of your poor child.” ~ Lobster-mom
“100% NTA.”
“I was assaulted at a young age and I wish that my parents had sued the person that permanently fucked up my nose.”
“I had the septoplasty and turbinate reduction but only a full rhinoplasty can fully correct the damage and improve my nose cosmetically.”
“I’ve been self-conscious about it my whole life and it’s even caused a bit of an issue for my upcoming jaw surgery.”
“I’m now more financially able to fund the cosmetic aspect of corrective surgery but I wish I could have fixed it years ago.”
“Recovery is much easier when you’re young!” ~ MissSara13
“NTA. You’re husband is an AH – and an ignorant one at that.”
“If your daughter had a breast removed as treatment of breast cancer and later had breast reconstruction done to return that part of her body back to its natural state, your husband would think she’s a sl*t?”
“This is no different.”
“Your daughter’s nose became disfigured due to a medical procedure.”
“You allowed her to have reconstructive surgery to return the nose to it’s natural shape.”
“Your husband’s opinion is not based on ANY facts – it’s based on ignorance.”
“He’s an AH.” ~ TheFlamingSquirrel
“This is a man that is too mentally lazy to look at anything with nuance.”
“Everyone is categorized based on a couple of things he can quickly assess and then he moves on.”
“It is the building blocks of misogyny, racism and bigotry as a whole.”
“The second the word ‘sl*t’ came out of that man’s mouth with such ease in talking about anyone, let alone his own daughter, he was telling you how he value judges everyone.”
“Those types of people are hell to be around.”
“Completely predictable but still absolutely draining and drags down everyone around them.” ~ Lord_of_Allusions
“OP needs to do better, and stand up for her child.”
“What he’s doing to her is humiliating and extremely dehumanizing.”
“It is extremely necessary that, as a mother, OP lets her girl know that it’s okay to make decisions over your body.”
“At all times, but especially if it’s for medical reasons.”
“And no man, not even her own dad, has the right to judge her or shame her for it.”
“By teaching her this, she’s assuring that her daughter will stay away from abusive men in the future.” ~ ggmorenomartinez
“Only sl*ts get rhinoplasty? What a misogynist a-hole. NTA.” ~ catladyblair
Sounds like OP has Reddit to back her and her daughter up.
Though it seems like some of you need her to do more to protect her daughter.
Hopefully OP can pull a plan together.