Not everybody wants a big family. Heck, the rate at which couples and single people are choosing not to procreate is on the rise. So much so, that some countries are calling it a health crisis.
More couples who do choose to have a family are having less.
Kids are expensive!
The one-and-done rule is in full swing for many new parents.
And that can be an issue with certain family members.
Redditor Longjumping_Stop_606 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for flipping out on my mom for talking to my son about becoming a big brother?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (38 M[ale]) wife (38 F[emale]) and I have one child together, a 6-year-old son.”
“When we got married, we agreed we both only wanted one child.”
“A few years ago, my wife got her tubes tied.’
“I also got a vasectomy last year, just to cover all bases across the board.”
“We didn’t announce this to the family, but it also wasn’t a secret.”
“We’ve had a few people ask if we’re having another and that’s usually when it comes up.”
“I am one of 6 siblings.”
“Our mother was one of 8 kids.”
“Most of my siblings have had at least 3 children, if not more.”
“Only my brother is also 1 and done.”
“Our mother struggles to accept this and has said several times that we’ll change our minds.”
“Even knowing that my wife and I physically cannot have more children, she’ll always bring up adoption or say that my procedure could be reversed, etc.”
“My brother and I always shut it down, and I have told her we’re not changing our minds, etc.”
“Recently, she was babysitting my son while my wife and I went out.”
“We picked him up after and on the car ride, out of nowhere, my son started crying and asking if we were having another baby.”
“We said ‘no.'”
“He said that his grandmother kept asking him if he wanted a baby sister and saying that we should have another baby, he could be a ‘big helper,’ etc.”
“We got home rather quickly, consoled him, and promised him we weren’t having another baby, and that his grandmother never should’ve told him this.”
“I called my mom and got on her about this, telling her she stooped low by getting our son involved.”
“She said that we’re overreacting, and his crying over potentially getting another sibling is ridiculous, and we’re raising a spoiled child.”
“I argued no, he’s a sensitive kid who doesn’t do great with change, and she scared him.”
“I told her that until I can trust that she won’t say these things to him, her babysitting privileges have been revoked and she’ll only be around him if my wife or I are there.”
“My brother backs me up on this.”
“Apparently, our mother tried the same thing with his son, and it led to a similar argument on their end.”
“Our sisters think we’re overreacting and that this is a natural question, and my mom is right that it shouldn’t have upset my son so much.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. No, she was overstepping and massively.”
“Like WTAF????? Can’t go around saying s**t like that to a 6-year-old.”
“Honestly, seems like an appropriate reaction to her grandmotherly shenanigans.”
“I’d cool off and take some space from her as well after that.”
“Oh, and your heavily childrened sisters are wrong.” ~ ReviewOk929
“And the second that she mentions it again, end the visit.”
“My husband and I are child-free by choice and my husband’s aunt will not let that s**t go.”
“We’ve asked, cajoled, and pleaded for her to respect our decision and stop trying to convince us that we need kids to complete our lives.”
“So now any time it comes up, we just leave.”
“Mid-dinner, in public, holidays, 5 seconds after we walk in the door, it doesn’t matter; we just grab our stuff, announce loudly that we’ve told her before that we’re not having a conversation about children again, and leave.” ~ The_lunar_witch
“When my brother married his wife, my mom wondered aloud to me and my younger brother if first brother and S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] would have kids.”
“My younger brother made it very clear that the subject should never be brought up in front of first brother and SIL.”
“They will not be having children.”
“My mother tried several times to talk about it, but I and my younger brother shut her down immediately.”
“I don’t know why my first brother and SIL are childfree, but I’m not going to ask.”
“It isn’t my business.”
“If my mom tries to talk about it and my first brother and SIL walk out, I wouldn’t blame them.” ~ springsummerfall2016
“We had to do this all the time with my grandma.”
“She had 8 kids and could not get over me being an only child (due to my mom’s endometriosis).”
“Always asking me if I wished I had a bro or sis.”
“Fast forward to my early 20s, and she’s telling me I don’t have to be married to have kids and putting her hand on my belly, asking if there’s a baby in there.”
“It got to the point where if she brought it up (or any of a number of topics with her), we’d leave.”
“She’d know why and just didn’t care, would keep bringing it up every time.” ~ kino-glaz
“I’ve noticed two common emotional reactions to big families: the people loved loud, bustling, busy households and thrived in it or they felt small, ignored, overwhelmed, like they constantly had to compete, etc.”
“I personally didn’t mind being one of four kids and now having a ton of nieces and nephews.”
“I can live comfortably in chaos.”
“Both my parents came from larger households (four and five kids, respectively), and they had four.”
“However, I still want zero.”
“I can’t be responsible for someone else’s emotional well-being 24/7.”
“My number is zero.”
“There are also financial considerations.”
“Life is expensive.”
“There’s no reason to presume A) your kid wants that loud household and feels they thrived in it…”
“B) feels they will be a good parent to any number of children, or…”
“C) feels they can afford any number of children.” ~ DefinitelyNotAliens
“My mother was one of 13 children, my father an only child, I was their only child.”
“My grandmother never pressured my mom about having more kids, thank goodness as our home had a rotating cast of aunts, uncles, and cousins that lived there off and on.”
“NTA – Grandmother should never have put her grandson in the middle of her desire for more grandchildren.”
“I’d say she needs a time-out.” ~ False-Importance-741
“NTA – This is not about your son being too sensitive or whether you want /can have another child.”
“This is about your mother going ridiculously over the lines and crossing boundaries.”
“If she is going to cross this kind of boundary, what other boundaries is she going to cross?”
“What else is she likely going to say to your son in the future in an effort to get her away?”
“Your mother manipulated a little kid all for her benefit and that’s just not right.”
“Tell your sisters that they have nothing to do with this because they don’t.”
“This is 100% on your mother and she deserves to lose the babysitting privileges.”
“All they’re trying to do here is blame the victim and protect the person who crossed the line.”
“The fact that she doesn’t even seem apologetic is very concerning.” ~ Dry-Operation-7355
“Completed justified!”
“She should’ve never said anything to a 6-year-old. NTA.” ~ mizfit416
“Agree. To me, disrespecting boundaries is not the biggest issue here.”
“She’s planting biased ideas into a 6-year-old’s head.”
“’It is normal and natural to have siblings. It is not normal or natural not to have siblings.’”
“Imagine, she is probably very capable of teaching ‘childless people are not natural,’ ‘unmarried people are not normal.'”
“She’s also manipulating a 6-year-old child to ask parents to have more children.” ~ p9nultimat9
“NTA. I think revoking her ‘privileges’ is a good idea for now.”
“On this topic, it’s a moot point, but if she’s doing this then who knows what other manipulations she may try that involve the child.”
“In addition to reinforcing with her that you are not having more children, it’s also fine to reassure your son that you are not having more children and you would never make such a decision without telling him first.”
“Encourage him to share with you anything concerning that she might say to him, and remind him about the time she was ‘confused/ wrong’ about you having more children.” ~ 1962Michael
“NTA. It’s weird to me that she’s been yelled at about this once before, yet did it again.”
“Also, not that anyone is owed grandchildren but it’s safe to assume she has, what, at least 14 grandchildren if each of your sisters has at least 3 then you and your brother have 1.”
“How many grandchildren does she want/think she can reasonably spend time with???” ~ snowmikaelson
“I love when adults start policing whether a child SHOULD or SHOULDN’T have feelings about something.”
“Like tell me you need therapy without telling me.”
“NTA you guys are doing the right thing.” ~ Dense-Passion-2729
“NTA. Wow, your mother is so out of line I am sorry for your kid, for your wife, and for yourself.”
“You did well to draw a line and make sure it never happens again.” ~ Riyokosan
“You are NTA.”
“Your sisters need to put all of their energy into raising their many children and stop interfering in this situation.”
“You are wise to ensure that your mother is never alone with your son.” ~ EmceeSuzy
“Easy NTA, she’s delusional and cruel to go to your child and try to manipulate a situation she cannot change.”
“Definitely keep her privileges revoked.”
“She cannot be trusted around your child.”
“I got my tubes tied immediately after my son was born and nobody better say anything to me about having a second kid.” ~ IAmTAAlways
“NTA. Your mom was trying to manipulate your son into begging for a sibling, and it backfired in a big way.”
“Your mom sucks, and obviously she doesn’t respect boundaries at all.” ~ Netflickingthebean
“NTA. Your sisters have some messed up boundary issues if they think this is a natural question and even more so that your mother was manipulating a child.”
“You are 100% doing the right thing protecting your child.” ~ Laines_Ecossaises
“NTA. I’m sorry that the women in your family of origin are stupid and terrible.”
“Also: your mother has ELEVEN grandchildren and thinks it’s not enough?”
“What planet is she from?” ~ Middle_Raspberry2499
“NTA at all, and I’m glad you and your wife are united on this and have given her consequences for her actions.”
“And this is not ‘a natural question’ to pose to a 6-year-old.” ~ TemptingPenguin369
“Definitely NTA and you are handling this extremely well.”
“You’ve communicated your boundaries repeatedly and now she is dealing with the deserved consequences of blatantly disrespecting them.”
“She was insanely out of line, and it’s her fault your son was upset, not yours.” ~ PBCupsFan77
“Your mother is a disrespectful, manipulative woman who does not care how you feel.”
“Tell your sisters where to stick their opinions.” ~ WhereWereUChilds
“NTA. You guys are one and done.”
“Your mother should respect you and your partner.”
“What she said to your son is low.” ~ OkForm9038
“I can’t even imagine how your mom would be unaccepting if anyone in the family has an unmarried or childless or non-traditional lifestyle. NTA.” ~ p9nultimat9
“Woah. This did not go how I expected.”
“I thought the M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] had just outed a pregnancy early to the son.”
“But this is NUTS. NTA.” ~ The_Balmy_Bee
Your mom has put you in a messy situation, OP. Reddit has your back.
She had no right to do what she did. You’re not punishing her out of spite.
You set up boundaries to protect your son. She has a lot of soul-searching to do.
You keep doing you.