Getting married is all about the couple and showing their love for each other. Sometimes guests will try to modify it to their needs, but you have to stay true to yourself.
ASL is a beautiful language, and if you want your wedding to be in that language. you should get exactly that, no matter what others say.
Redditor Academic-Nose-9239 encountered this very issue with her mom. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for Having my Wedding Ceremony in Sign Language?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m(24F) deaf and growing up my parents got me bilateral cochlear implants and forced me into mainstream school, never taught me sign language and never immersed me into my culture as a deaf person.”
“They were actually pretty against me using ASL at all. Well I took ASL in high school against my parents wishes and then got into a deaf university.”
“Although I couldn’t sign fluently when I started, I finally felt accepted and understood, the deaf community was nothing but welcoming.”
“I became fluent in ASL after a few months and stopped wearing my processors completely as there was no need for them any more. I honestly didn’t realize how alone I had felt until I didn’t feel that way anymore.”
“I also met my fiance at college, he is from a very large family of deaf people. Everyone he knows even in his far extended family is deaf, HOH, CODA or SODA and everyone is fluent in sign. I love his family so much.”
OP talked more about her fiancé and wedding plans.
“We’ve been together for 4 years now, he proposed last May.”
“We’ve been planning the wedding and decided to have it fully in ASL, the pastor at our churches deaf program agreed to do the ceremony. My extended family of hearing people is very small, just my mom, my dad, my sister, my brothers, my aunt, my uncle and my cousin (my cousin is learning sign).”
“Whereas my fiancé’s huge extended family who are all deaf or sign fluently will be there and most of our friends are deaf or know sign.”
“We decided to get an interpreter for the hearing people though so they’d know what was going on.”
“Our wedding is in August so we just sent the invites. The invite mentions that it will be in ASL but will have an interpreter for those who are ‘Signing impaired’ which is kinda just a joke.”
OP’s mom was not happy.
“But my mom started texting me and tried to convince me that it should be in English and have an ASL interpreter.”
“I feel like it’s our wedding so we should have it in our first language but my mom thinks that we are in America so English should be the first language and anyone who doesn’t choose to ‘get cured’ (get an implant) should get an interpreter.”
“She also said it was disrespectful to say ‘Signing impaired’ I don’t think she realizes the irony as she always refers to me as hearing impaired. During the entire conversation she kept repeating that ‘I should have never let you go to that school.'”
“My mom also says that the deaf people should be used to having interpreters whereas she’s never had one before so it will make it harder to understand.”
“Should I just have the ceremony in English because I guess that’s the more normal way of communication even though we consider sign our primary language?“
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA! Not even close!”
“Why should the couple getting married need a translator to understand their own ceremony to appease a few of the attendees?!?”
“That is ridiculous. It would be like having a bride and groom who are hearing (LOVE the ‘sign impaired’ joke!) that speak English have their ceremony done in French, which they don’t speak, because a handful of attendees don’t speak English.”
“When you take ASL out of the mix, it sounds ridiculous. Why is ASL any different?”
“IMHO your mom has issues with you being deaf and bigger issues now that you have found your community to which she does not belong. That is toxic and I would not cater to it.” ~ WineOrDeath
“My moms argument has always been ‘It’s easier for you to stick an implant on your head than for everyone in the family to learn a new language’ yet she also doesn’t view ASL as a real language.” ~ Academic-Nose-9239
“And by her argument, it’s easier for your family to listen to the interpreter than to make all the remaining guests struggle to follow along. She is wrong, do what is best for you and the supportive family you are creating/joining.” ~ Ctiiu
OP added some edits.
“Edit to clarify some things:”
“I can’t cut off my parents as I’m currently helping pay for my little brother to go to a school for autistic kids.”
“We can’t sign and speak at the same time. The pastor and my fiancé can’t speak, I can but choose not to unless I absolutely have to.”
“My parents didn’t only not learn ASL but they explicitly prevented me from it growing up. We lived in Austin Texas my whole childhood and there was a school for the deaf 10 minutes from our house but they specifically said they would never let me go there.”
“(Adding this later) Exact words from the invite ‘Reception will be held in ASL, English interpreters will be provided for the ‘signing impaired’.’ I literally put it in quotations.”
“The deaf community didn’t indoctrinate me into not wearing my processors, I just started using ASL more and More and then I needed a surgery to adjust the implant but I decided to just not get the surgery and stop wearing them, there was no real point in it and I didn’t feel like getting an unnecessary surgery.”
“Another edit: To those of you questioning and even mad at me for not wanting to wear implants, you don’t hear normally. Like a lot of people say things like ‘Don’t you want to hear music? or Birds chirping?’ Music through CI’s suck at least for me, even when I used to wear CI’s all the time I would take them off to listen to music.”
“And no, background noise like birds chirping makes it harder for the microphone to pickup other noises like people talking.”
It’s her wedding and she can have it in any language she wants!