When we think about two people coming together to get married, we assume it’s to celebrate their love and the beginning of a new life together.
But sometimes, it seems like people are more interested in getting new stuff and money than celebrating their love, cringed the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor MBWill8809 had been invited to the wedding of an old friend, and while it was going to be a big wedding, plus-one invitations had not been included, which meant his wife could not go.
He decided not to go because of not wanting to attend the event without his wife, and the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by how hard the groom took the news.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for declining a wedding invitation that didn’t include a plus-one for my wife?”
The OP received an invitation for a wedding that did not include a plus-one for his wife.
“A buddy (42 Male) from high school is getting married in May. My (42 Male) invitation did not include a plus-one for my wife (41 Female).”
“In talking to his younger brother (39 Male) who I’m also friends with, I learned it’s not a small wedding. Their guest list is well north of 250 people.”
“They work in sales and have made many contacts and decided with some friends, they would not extend the plus-one as a way to reach as many friends/coworkers/acquaintances as possible for their event.”
The OP respected what the groom wanted for his wedding day, but he did not want to attend.
“I have no issue with this. Neither does my wife. She didn’t care either way. Happy to go if invited but won’t lose sleep if not attending.”
“My friend and his fiance have been to our house for at least two dinner parties I recall, a kid’s birthday party, and a couple of BBQ relaxing days on the deck testing out the smoker. The women get along very well and have never had a crossword.”
“This is simply an issue of wanting to touch as many different people as possible, and omitting the plus-1s for some guests allows this. Makes sense.”
“I RSVP’d No to the wedding. I just like to go to weddings as a couple. This isn’t a control thing or a respect thing, I just know weddings are a long, all-day affair and I don’t have a million 10-minute conversations with strangers in me anymore.”
“I’d prefer to mingle a bit, talk with friends and family we know, eat with her, dance a lot with her and celebrate their special day. The reception is also about an hour away, so after drinking a bit at weddings, we usually would get a room locally and Uber there.”
The OP was surprised by how hard the groom took the rejection.
“My buddy was not happy, to say the least. I told him what I just typed and said I wish them all the best, I understand exactly why they’re doing no plus-ones, with no objection, and we would still send a gift despite not attending.”
“He didn’t care and continued to get further agitated.”
“After being pushed harder, I told him, ‘For such a bright guy, I can’t see how he didn’t see that some people would give regrets to this.’ This is where he hung up on me, lol (laughing out loud).”
“Talking to my Dad, who has known him for 28 years, and met his fiancee as well, he said his anger may be that he’s getting far more declines than they expected and is lashing out.”
“He’s a buddy I’ve had for years, but not my best friend. When our lives went in separate directions we amicably fell out for about 10 years up until recently. Let’s not pretend my presence is vital to their wedding here.”
“Am I wrong to decline? Should I have just attended alone as I don’t have a hard reason why I can’t attend, like a conflict of times with another event?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he had the right to decline a wedding invitation.
“It’s a wedding invite, not a court summons. I would totally get why a person wouldn’t want to come to a huge wedding without their partner, especially when they will only know a handful of people there. Talk about boring, and way too much social interaction with strangers.”
“I completely understand why OP replied no. If his buddy is so hung up about it, he could say that if some other people declined, his wife could take their place so they could both come, it’s a pretty simple solution. Don’t know why he’s being such a stick about it.” – beetleswing
“It’s inappropriate to only invite one-half of a married couple. NTA.” – calminthedark
“I think that it was inappropriate for your friend to question your decision to decline. NTA.” – calacmack
“Not wrong to decline and he’s fine to invite whoever he wants. I wouldn’t go if my wife wasn’t invited, either. I think your dad is right, he’s likely getting a lot of no’s or backlash from others.” – jazzfunk17
“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I don’t care what excuses the bridge and groom formulate in their heads, it is never acceptable to invite a person without his or her spouse.”
“Period, end of story. Never means never. Not because you ran out of room, not because your mother doesn’t like your friend’s wife, and not for anything else.”
“A married couple is a unit. You invite neither or invite both. Period.” – JWaltniz
“NTA. Their invitation was socially inappropriate. This is a WEDDING, not a business-building opportunity. A social and often religious occasion.”
“YOU DON’T LEAVE OFF THE SPOUSE. PERIOD. Rude as h**l, especially since they have enjoyed hospitality AT YOUR HOME. A spouse is not a plus-one. A spouse is part of the package. Either invite the whole package or none.”
“Sorry if he’s upset but I think your Dad is right. Your buddy is treating it like a business event, and is surprised when people are confused and think it’s a social event. Going to a business event stag is one thing; the expectations to mix and mingle for business purposes are there.”
“But going to a social event stag, who are you supposed to dance with? Single women, who weren’t allowed to bring THEIR plus ones? Yeah . . . no.”
“You did everything right, and an invitation does not obligate you to attend. That’s why there are RSVPs. Send a gift and forget about it.” – Alarming_Paper_8357
Others agreed and theorized that the groom wanted to show off to as many people as possible.
“So he’s ditching the plus-ones in order to show off in front of as many different people as possible.”
“He’s a douche nozzle. NTA.” – Any-Expression2246
“I honestly wonder if they set it up this way so that they will get more gifts. If you have 200 different people instead of 100 different couples, that is double the gifts/cash! NTA, OP.” – freeze45
“NTA. Your friend is upset that he’s invited 250 people. Who probably don’t know each other and is shocked that people don’t want to spend their money and time on an event where they don’t know anyone and seems to be more of a networking event for him and his new wife.”
“And now he’s likely getting a huge amount of no’s and they’re freaking out because they need the money/gifts to pay for the wedding, lol (laughing out loud).”
“What a dummy!!” – lavenderhaze91
“NTAH. Your pops is right.”
“People are declining because they can’t bring their partners and he’s upset because he likely got RSVP yeses from all the work networking people and now he’s p**sed because barely any of his actual friends will be there and he’ll look lame in front of the very people he’s using his wedding to impress.”
“Just ignore him. He’ll either get over it or he won’t. But it’s nothing for you to stress over.”
“He dug this hole. Now he has to live in it.” – Horizontal_Bob
“NTA. My husband is my person. Granted, we are probably codependent but I don’t want to go anywhere without him. The only reason I go to parties is so I can debrief with my husband after.”
“Honestly, he prob doesn’t care, but I wanna talk about the clothes, food, music. Plus, I only wanna dance with him and drink a little and flirt with him. It is wild to me not to include a plus one especially to spouses. I’ve never heard of that.” – Other-Opposite-6222
“They played the odds and lost. Sounds like they’re not that bright. I’m sure the number of declines is such that they probably have too much space and food, and now they’re regretting their choices. This is why I will elope if I ever decide to marry.” – writing_mm_romance
“It’s a wedding invitation, not a summons. You don’t have to go no matter what. As far as his flipping out on you, I suspect your Dad is onto something. The dude did not realize that not inviting spouses would mean a lot of his guests would decline.”
“(And while whether or not boyfriends/girlfriends should be always be included is debatable, when a couple is married not inviting one of them is a faux pas.) They chose to try and max their spread of guests, and this is the result. It’s not your fault. NTA.” – jquailJ36
The subReddit was left tilting their head over what the bride and groom could have possibly been thinking. It seems that they saw it either as a business opportunity or a way to get double the gifts if they only invited one person per household, but that invitation set-up was quickly backfiring on them.
Unless there is serious drama involved, married couples and long-term couples always come as a package deal, especially for wedding where there will be a lot of socializing and dancing, which a committed person would not want to do with random strangers at a party.