The term "bridezilla" gets thrown around fairly casually.
Sometimes, it's hard to argue that the label wasn't earned, when a bride is more than just demanding, but also rude and inconsiderate to her friends and family.
However, sometimes a bride is rather unfairly labeled a "bridezilla", simply owing to the fact that she wants her wedding to be perfect, or as much as perfect permits.
Which might result in her taking a tone with certain people.
The wedding of Redditor RealCar40 was fast approaching, and her sister was going to be one of her bridesmaids.
However, the original poster (OP) noticed something about her sister that she foresaw being a problem on the day of the wedding.
When she confronted her sister about it, her sister was anything but appreciative, even going so far as to call the OP a "bridezilla".
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my sister either she washes her hair before my wedding or she's not going to be a bridesmaids?"
The OP explained why she gave her sister an ultimatum ahead of her wedding day:
"I'm (29 F[emale]) getting married Saturday 16th of August 2025."
"My sister (25 F[emale]) is one of my bridesmaids."
"She has very long beautiful hair."
"According to my sister, the last time she washed her hair was the 6th of August, and she's not planning on washing it before the 20th."
"She works at a job which causes her to be sweating all day."
"Today, her hair already smells and looks greasy, I can't imagine what might happen on my wedding day."
"I gave her the ultimatum and she called me that cliche overused term, a bridezilla."
"She is still welcomed at my wedding either way."
"Am I bridezilla?"
"Am I the a**hole ?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for demanding her sister wash her hair before the wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP was anything but a "bridezilla", and her sister was being selfish and unhygienic by refusing to wash her hair:
"I don't understand why she can't wash her hair for your wedding?"
"She's planning on washing it 4 days after anyway."
"Her hair won't fall out for one time going off her shampoo schedule."
"Is she usually very particular about her hair?"
"NTA."- smileysarah267
"NTA."
"I do not think asking one of your bridesmaids to wash their greasy, smelly hair before the wedding is a big ask, I think it's basic hygiene."
"If it's a huge bother for her, she can make an appointment at a salon for a wash only."-quincebush
"NTA."
"The poor stylist you've hired for the big day does not deserve to be subjected to such poor hygiene."
"Can you imagine how much time that poor person would have to spend elbow deep in days and days of grease build up?"
"Bleh."
"Not to mention that a smelly, visibly greasy bridesmaid will pull focus."
"Yes, it shouldn't matter, but everyone has some little old ladies in the family who make it their job to notice."
"10 days unwashed is plenty."
"A little shampoo isn't going to hurt her or her hair."- JustheBean
"NTA."
"Hygiene is prob the most basic ancient etiquette rule."
"She is the AH."- Illustrious_Band8500
"NTA."
"It's a hygiene matter."- kiwimuz
"NTA."
"Especially if she's planning on getting her hair done for the wedding."
"I'm assuming after ten days her hair will be fairly greasy which will make it difficult to style, and coming from experience as someone who's done bridesmaid hair on greasy hair, if there's a hot tool being used, it's going to smell horrible too."- Right_Water1522
"NTA."
"But I'd tell her that her hair needs to be washed the day BEFORE the wedding."
"That way, you can do the smell test: if her hair is stinky, drop her from the wedding party."
"Ignore her name calling."
"Instead, tell her to (re)read the Parable of the Wedding Feast."
"The guest who arrived not wearing a proper wedding gown got kicked out for their lack of decorum."
"Proper wear includes being washed, for heavens sake!"- Individual_Ad_9213
"Ugh, I get people trying to train their hair or whatever and washing on a less regular basis, because it seems that legitimately works for some people."
"But, like dreads and other protective styles, it's possible to do while still remaining hygienic."
"It sounds like your sister is missing the hygienic aspect."
"It shouldn't smell."
"Maybe she's just trying something new and that's fine but an important event should be an exception."
"Definitely NTA."- scout-finch
"NTA."
"You didn't ask her to majorly cut it or color it a specific color or tell her she must wear some ugly wig instead."
"You asked her to wash her hair."
"To wash her hair."
"It's not even like she has some disability that prevents her from doing this, she's just not washing her hair because she wants to be like that."
"At least you were nice about it."
"I would have told her to scrub it all or face the consequences, and don't she dare forget to scrub her legs and get between those butt cheeks — it's not gay to scrub your anus, boys and girls!"-TrelanaSakuyo
"NTA."
"People should wash their hair on a regular basis."- LazyAd622
"NTA."
"I had a friend who I love dearly as my bridesmaid who often hair greasy hair."
"I ended up booking us appointment to go get our hair washed and blow dried the day before my wedding as a fun girls relaxation."
"It did cost me but I felt like it was a fun way to spend some time together before my wedding and a way for me to ensure we all looked our best without making her feel bad or getting stressed out over it."
"My hairdresser was so amazing and did a discounted appointment for us since they were doing the hair for the wedding."
"It's been almost 10 yrs and still have never told her that it was mostly for that reason and I never will."- PettyPredisposition
"NTA."
"Your sister is a gross person."- Bottom_of_the_bottle
"NTA."
"I wouldn't even allow her to attend."
"So gross and disrespectful!"- No_Mention3516
"NTA."
"As someone who normally only washes their hair every 1-2 weeks unless I get particularly sweaty (and no, my hair never looks 'greasy' until maybe the end of that period if I go more than a week), your sister is being absolutely ridiculous."
"If I had a super special event, LIKE MY SISTER'S WEDDING, then I would reschedule my hair wash day accordingly, so I would look my absolute best for that day, ESPECIALLY if I'm in the Bridal Party!"
"It's 100% reasonable that you would expect your sister to look her best for your wedding, whether or not she's part of the Bridal Party."- heyits_AP
"NTA."
"Your sister is probably nose blind to how bad she smells."- Bottom_of_the_bottle
"NTA."
"I assume that all the bridesmaids are subject to the same rule: 'Wash your body and hair shortly before the wedding'."
"Your sister has to follow the same rules as everyone else."
"The only difference is that your sister is the only one who has to actually be told about the rule."
"Everyone else already knows."- IDontLikeGreenPeas
"NTA."
"She's 25."
"Basic hygiene should have been learned at an early age."
"So what she's doing is just gross."
"It's your day."
"Either get with the program or go sit in the corner with that mess."
"She can accommodate for your day."
"She needs to stop listening to what works best for other people."
"If you can smell her everyone can."
"It's just unhygienic and she needs to be an adult."- Sassychic77
"NTA."
"I have long thick curly hair."
"However, I wash it enough so that you can't SMELL my hair."
"If OP can SMELL her sister's hair she's taking it too far."- FrostyIcePrincess
"SO NTA."
"She can shampoo and be in your wedding party, or not and not. It's up to her."
"Btw, I, too, have very long hair (past my knees) and I've struggled with oily scalp throughout my life. I tried that 'oil-balancing' thing and all I got for my troubles was seborrheic dermatitis that I still have to manage, years after resuming more frequent washing."- Frosty_Message_3017
"Long beautiful hair that smells and looks greasy?"
"Do you know the meaning of beautiful?"
"NTA."- theluchador19
"What?"
"Your sister is a filthy person, that's disgusting.
"NTA."- Juls1016
It's not inaccurate to say that plenty of brides make unreasonable demands.
However, asking one of your bridesmaids to wash her hair so she looks (and smells) presentable on her wedding day is hardly unreasonable.
One imagines that the colleagues and friends of the OP's sister might also be grateful to see her with clean hair.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.