Mom-To-Be Horrified After Fiancé's Family Threatens To Cut Them Off If They Can't Dictate Baby's Life

It takes a village to raise a kid.

Parents need all the help they can get.

But sometimes that help comes with a price tag.

The immediate family can often have extreme expectations.

Redditor First_Buyer_5900 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"AITA for not allowing my fiancé's family dictate my baby's life before it's even born?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My fiancé (26 M[ale]) and I (27 F[emale]) have been engaged since the 16th of December 2025."

"Being of African culture, he made his way to my home to negotiate 'lobola' (bride price), and all went well."

"I've met my soon-to-be S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] way before us getting engaged, she was kind, welcoming, and seemed to be loving."

"Fast forward to the 30th of December 2025, I fly back to Gauteng from the Eastern Cape to be with my fiancé."

"The next day, we get an invite from my fiancé's mom for a New Year's Day lunch on the 1st of Jan, and we accept."

"That same day, my fiancé took me to the hospital because I had a bad case of the flu, and he didn't like that I wasn't getting much better."

"During that doctor's consultation, we found out that we're pregnant and are 5 months pregnant (I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who didn't get any morning sickness or grow much of a stomach)."

"On the day of the lunch, we broke the news to his mom and sister, and they're so excited and happy for us."

"They mention a few 'traditional' things like the mom giving the baby its first name, my fiancé shuts that conversation down and tells them, it's up to him and me what we name the baby, and we won't be doing that."

"Later, I'm helping his sister prepare the food in the kitchen, and she mentions a baby shower and/or gender reveal for us."

"I tell her my sisters and friends might throw me one after I break the news to them, and she tells me that's so great and that I'm lucky to have them to do that for me."

"She also mentions me getting her in contact with whoever will be planning it once I know, so that she can be a part of it."

"I tell her no problem, and we end that conversation."

"Fast forward 2 days ago, my fiancé and I went for an anatomy scan to find out the gender of the baby and also find that everything is still going well with the pregnancy."

"The doctor writes down the gender in an envelope and closes it up for us, and we decide to take the envelope to my eldest sister for safekeeping."

"We both share how the appointment went with our family; mine takes it well, and they don't question anything."

"His side of the family, however, goes off."

"His sister tells him that she feels like we shouldn't have given the envelope to my sister, and that she's the aunt of the child (dad's side specifically), and that she feels like we're excluding her from OUR child."

"She ropes in their mom, and now even his mom is going off on him, telling him that she should be the one to have been given the envelope and she would be the one to tell us the gender of the baby."

"Also, to remember that I'm married into their family and that since I'm a part of their family now, I can't decide on stuff like this and have them go along with it, without discussing it with them first."

"Right now, as I'm writing this post, his mom has since blocked him and told him that she'd be withdrawing herself from his life, and that he can do what makes him happy."

"His sister is riding that train like crazy, telling him that it's always been them 3 together."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So... AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA. Yes, you did marry into their family, but their son/brother also married into your family."

"Yes, his sister is an auntie to this child, but so is your sister."

"Trying to claim that their family is more important than yours just because he is the man is nothing short of misogynistic."

"It's 2026."

"You need to stay out of it as much as possible."

"This is your fiancé's fight. "

"As long as he keeps standing up for you, they can throw as many tantrums as they want."

"It'll be them that misses out." ~ MrsSEM84

"The most important thing is that OP needs to make sure that her fiancé is really backing her up on this."

"It will come down to whether he can stand strong or if he'll buckle under the pressure."

"OP needs to know, because if she stays strong (as she should) and he isn't, he'll undermine her, and M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] will be back in their life, taking the baby or doing all those things that they don't want her to do."

"She needs to have a serious conversation about whether he's willing to cut them out of his life (even if only temporarily), and if not, what the consequences/path forward should be." ~ ErikLovemonger

"NTA. MIL is going to backpedal when the baby is born, claim OP is too sensitive to get upset at a silly comment, then bulldoze over any boundaries on child rearing and try to be the main decision maker on everything."

"At the end of the day, it's your MIL, so she'll trickle back into your life somehow."

"Do not leave her alone with the baby or allow her to babysit or anything."

"Prepare for this." ~ Ishsun16

"NTA for your fiancé's family drama."

"Your fiancé is setting a boundary they do not like."

"It's a funny response to shut you both out completely because they are denied control over aspects of your new life together."

"Gender reveal silliness, it is!"

"How did people ever cope back in those days when everyone had to wait for the baby's actual birth?"

"Congratulations to you both, as well." ~ Vera_Telco

"NTA. Bayahlanya laba, I'm sorry, girl, but you unfortunately have to deal with them forever, and his mom blocked him as a manipulation tactic."

"I just hope you have a healthy and safe pregnancy and delivery, and set your boundaries now." ~ applejuicebree

"NTA. Tell her that your sister is ALSO the aunt, but has also been respectful and non-judgmental and therefore has shown she can be trusted with sensitive information."

"I'd also shut any conversations about births and mothers moving in and visits now." ~ writingwonderland87

"Wow, the entitlement of his family is crazy."

"Hopefully, the sister will follow mom's actions and block him, too, so you won't have to deal with either of these women."

"I'm happy to see your husband has your back on this."

"So many times in these situations, that is not the case due to a spineless mama's boy."

"Congratulations on your pregnancy! NTA." ~ Livinthedream71

"NTA. Mom blocking y'all actually works in your favor."

"Don't reward her temper tantrum by giving her any attention."

"As for S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw], ignore her too."

"When they can start acting like adults and have a rational conversation, maybe things can change."

"For now, I'd take a huge step back from both of them and reevaluate later."

"I hope that you have a happy, healthy pregnancy."

"Part of that includes avoiding stressful situations and people."

"If MIL and SIL keep up the bad behavior, then maybe they don't need to play a (large) role in your growing family's life."

"It sounds like your hubs has everything under control and is protecting you."

"I hope that he's able to stay strong and doesn't fall for any of their manipulation." ~ EJ_1004

"NTA - this is all about power and influence."

"Don't give in."

"Set boundaries/expectations now." ~ eyeofthecorgi

"NTA. Let's be honest."

"This is probably the best thing to happen."

"Let them self-destruct and self-exile for their pettiness."

"This is between you and your husband, and if he's setting boundaries, then just go with it."

"I would be more concerned if he were allowing them to do whatever they want." ~ Sensitive-Union-3944

"NTA. I'm not sure if your in-laws are extra or that there are indeed traditions in their country that dictate what they say."

"Either way: you have 2 options: give in or take a stand."

"Both have complications and consequences."

"Choose what makes you and your fiancé happy."

"Your in-laws likely will not change, so stick with what you want."

"And congrats!" ~ Momadvice1982

"I'm really perplexed at the 5-month thing."

"Wouldn't you notice a missed period, body change, change in appetite, anything?"

"Anyway, just in case you're not the Virgin Mary, you're NTA."

"This is your baby and the father, and both make the decisions." ~ Similar-Ad-6862

"NTA disclaimer that I'm from a different culture, but every single thing concerning your baby is for you and your husband to decide (until the baby is old enough to also help decide)."

"No one else."

"Full stop."

"Especially concerning to me is the idea that you are joining their family. No."

"You and your fiancé are starting your own family."

"The sister saying it's always been the 3 of them makes me think she and MIL have some issues to get over in terms of your fiancé getting his own family, but that's for them to deal with."

"Just make sure your fiancé is supporting you over them, sounds like he is!" ~ SafetyFluid8535

"These people have too little going on in their lives; that's why they have the time and energy to fight about someone else's life."

"Don't back down or else, they'd make your whole marriage about themselves NTA." ~ footsie_bethsie

Reddit has your back, OP.

Your "in-laws" are out of line.

This is your and your fiancé's baby.

They will just have to come to terms with their own feelings about this.

Try not to stress.

Good luck and congratulations!