Redditor Berated For Not Changing Trip To Accommodate Friend's Disabled Girlfriend

Mobility aid accommodation is an issue when traveling domestically or internationally, whether it involves a cane, crutches, a walker, a standard manual wheelchair, or a motorized one.

Are there ramps, elevators, even terrain, wide doorways, and accessible bathrooms at the destination?

But with ample time to plan, a firm grasp on the requirements of the traveler, and knowledge of the accessibility options of the destination, it's possible to travel with relative ease.

What's not always possible is changing plans already made and paid for before finding out mobility aid accessibility needs to be considered.

Washington D.C. is very mobility aid friendly and a planned trip there would require almost no changes if a wheelchair user was added last minute.

But a trip to Peru to climb to see Machu Picchu isn't going to work at all.

A Redditor turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after their long-planned trip to Thailand wasn't able to accommodate a last-minute addition one month before departure.

Only_just_a_nymph asked:

"AITA for not making a vacation wheelchair user friendly?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"Background: My partner and I (both in our 30s) started long-term planning a trip to Thailand last year that would take place in Feb 2025 for his birthday."

"One of his friends and their partner, Matt and Sara, were going to join us for the latter part of our trip to the southern part of the country. In September, another one of his friends, Jake, got a great job and was able to afford tagging along as well.

"In late November, Jake started dating Tiffany, who is a full-time wheelchair user. She does not like the term 'disabled'."

"The six of us had hung out after that, but we were surprised when in January, Tiffany asked us for dates/info of the trip. She had not been directly invited and hadn't been with Jake for that long."

"Beyond that, the last two weeks of our trip—where everyone would be with us—would basically be out in the country, hiking mountains, camping in sanctuary's, traveling via boat across islands, swimming, ziplining, etc..."

"Having been to Thailand before, I already know that it isn't particularly wheelchair friendly and even less so the further out of cities that you get."

"The first part of the trip was not open to friends as my partner and I had deliberately set aside that time just for us. We both have high-pressure jobs, my other half travels for work quite frequently, and we wanted time for the two of us to connect."

"For that time period, we had reserved couples activities, were staying in nicer places, etc..."

"Granted, if ONLY that time period had been available to best friends, we would have rearranged plans to the best of our abilities, but we absolutely were not interested in cancelling or altering the most important time of our trip for somebody that we weren't close to, that had only JUST started dating our friend, and hadn't even been invited."

"Regardless of being in a wheelchair or not, her presence had never been factored into our plans."

"My partner informed her of this, and she outright requested that all non 'wheel-friendly' activities be altered or outright cancelled in order to accommodate her so that she can join Jake."

"I reminded her that this was my other half's birthday trip that we had planned for him doing the things that he wanted and that everybody else was tagging along to the things he wanted to do if they felt like it. She had NOT been invited, and we wouldn't be cancelling our expensive and mostly nonrefundable plans."

"She called us ableist, informed us that Jake would no longer be coming with us, told us to refund him for his portion of the trip, and not to speak to either of them again."

"Long story short, none of those things happened. Jake did come with us, and when he returned, Tiffany made his life hell, and he broke up with her."

"Now the entire friend group has been called out on Instagram by her—she has a modest following regarding 'not able bodied' topics. Both Sara and Matt's jobs have been affected, and both my and my partner's families and friend groups have said that we should have accommodated her and just played nice."

"I don't agree, and now my partner is wondering if we're a**holes for not altering our plans."

"So, Reddit, AITA and just not seeing it?"

The OP summed up their situation.

"We didn't alter the vacation plans when requested to by somebody unable to join the originally planned itinerary."

"Maybe we are jerks for not planning a part of the vacation that could be made wheelchair friendly or perhaps we could have planned a simple trip on return from the trip that could be wheelchair friendly."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA. If anything, I would have said, 'if Jake and you want to stay somewhere else for the second part where we would be in the country, that is fine with us'. But that didn't have to be said."

"They are adults and should be able to plan their own time and not put ultimatums on someone else's birthday plans." ~ atealein

"NTA. It's time to get a lawyer and send her a cease and desist. Her drumming up this one-sided drama and having it start to affect your work life can have real damages that can be sued over defamation cases."

"Get your butts covered with the starting part of a very strongly worded laywer letter and to have her take down the one sided posts." ~ Beautiful_Storm1988

"If you are invited to a fish fry, you don't tell them to alter the menu because you are allergic to fish. As you said, you had pre-existing plans, her boyfriend had been invited before he was dating her, and she WASN'T invited."

"I get that she has mobility challenges but, stop the presses..... SHE HAS NO DOG IN THIS FIGHT. Your friend/her boyfriend was lucky to get out of this relationship."

"It's one thing to be independent, but she wants to impose her will on everyone. If she had come, it seems there would have been loads of issues anyway."

"Thailand is a great trip, but other than in the major cities, it is walking, climbing, and exploring in a country that does not have ADA compliance requirements. NTA." ~ catskilkid

"In this case, she wasn't invited to the fish fry. She smelled fish, came in, and demanded they stop cooking fish. NTA." ~ DrMoneybeard

"And then when they didn't, she told everyone that they hate people who don't eat fish." ~ Full_Expression9058

"And the people eating fish are prejudiced against people who don't eat fish."

"And it is all the fish eaters' fault for being bad people." ~ SysOp21

The OP provided a lengthy update:

"Not mentioned in the original post but in the comments, Tiffany had originally asked Jake to get her invited and to ask for the five of us to pitch in for her portion of the trip."

"But he had said no as he didn't want to impose and he was not comfortable going on an international trip with her for multiple weeks as they had only just started dating two months prior (at the time)."

"Add to this that it came out on the trip that Tiffany had been emotionally, physically, and mentally abusive to Jake. No further details will be provided in this regard."

"Thank you to everybody for your viewpoints, support and legal advice! I have shared this post with Matt and Sara who will be pursuing a cease and desist letter and potential legal action if Tiffany's defamation and harassment continues."

"The cost of the letter is minimal in the grand scheme of things and their business insurance could potentially cover some legal fees if this continues. They will also be posting a simple statement on their business social media pages regarding the misinformation being spread without directly naming Tiffany."

"My partner and I have fortunately remained unscathed with our jobs."

"ALL OF US have agreed not to engage directly with Tiffany in any way as we don't want any more material for further content to be made."

"And for those of you asking to post links to her social media, the answer is no: keyboard warriors are not the intention here and beyond that, the more traffic that you drive to a post, the more likely it is to show up on the algorithm, which is precisely what we are trying to prevent."

"You don't starve out a house fire by providing it with oxygen."

"For those asking how she was able to tag us without us accepting the tag, that was not the case with Matt, Sara or myself as we were all still friends on social media at the time this started."

"And despite later unfollowing and blocking somebody, regardless of permissions, people can still just type out your username and list your business whether they have a direct link to the info or not."

"She was still able to name and shame each of us—you don't need to tag somebody to post their username—and our friend's business was also called out by name as well, via her posts."

"In regard to our family and other friends, I shared this post with them, and the majority of people apologized for their hot takes."

"Tiffany's narrative was she had been friends with Jake for months prior to officially starting a relationship with him, and she had been enmeshed in our friend group at least 6+ months prior to their first date. She claimed we had deliberately excluded her from the trip."

"Which was a blatant lie that we were able to prove via their first date messages on the app that they met on."

"And most importantly, this post was never intentioned to disparage non-abled-bodied people AT ALL. Regardless of ability, disability, mental or physical: everybody has the right to be seen and heard—though nobody has the right to bully or abuse others."

"Disabled individuals have the right to travel with freedom and dignity, without exception. Disparaging comments and the rude DMs that I have received will NOT be tolerated, regardless of how Tiffany acted."

"She does not represent the disabled community, and this post was in no way meant to set back any progress or have any community seen in a negative light. I greatly apologize if it did so."

"The bottom line that I have come to realize via this post, especially with kind input from wheelchair users and disabled folk—thank you all for your words of wisdom and advice especially—is that with or without her wheelchair, Tiffany is a problematic individual and it seems that this situation amplified those problems that were already there."

"As others have stated, she does not seem mentally well, and while she (and anybody else struggling) deserve the care that they need, that does not justify her behavior, and none of our group are obligated to stay in her orbit and be a part of that process."

It sounds like these friends dodged a bullet by not having Tiffany tag along to Thailand.

Now they just need to make the split permanent.