Whether we want to admit it or not, most of us have a celebrity crush.
But some people take their crush to the next level and wonder what it would be like to be intimate with their crush, side-eyed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Jackie---Daytona--- had the opportunity to go to an event with celebrities present, including her friend's celebrity crush, and she had a chance to spend the evening with him.
When her friend was later hurt that she had taken advantage, despite the fact that her friend had called "dibs," the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong for what she did.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for sleeping with my friend's 'hall pass'?"
The OP's friend had a huge crush on a musician.
"I (49 Female) have been friends with Sarah (49 Female) for about 15 years."
"She's happily married, with two kids. I'm (amicably) divorced with a kid. We met at our children's preschool. We've been there for each other through some tough times."
"Sarah has a huge crush on… I'll call him 'Jake,' as long as I've known her."
"Jake is a popular, but not stadium-filling musician. From what I can tell, he makes a living, has had popular albums, and has toured with A-listers, but he's not necessarily a household name. He's in his late 40's."
"Sarah has never met him. She's been to several of his concerts and owns a bunch of merch and considers Jake her 'Hall Pass.' Again, she's married and would never actually cheat on her husband."
"Honestly, her crush never seemed off the rails to me. Like she'd joke about him wooing her through Instagram, but she didn't, like, stalk him."
When an opportunity arose to meet this person, the OP took advantage.
"So let me say here, I would NEVER, even when I was younger, date or even flirt with a guy a friend of mine liked/was interested in. Friends come before guys and men. It just wouldn't be cool."
"However."
"A few weeks ago, I randomly met Jake at a charity event. He was hired as the entertainment."
"We got to talking, and one thing led to another… and I ended up sleeping with him. It was a one-time thing, fun and we both knew it was casual."
Sarah did not take the news well.
"At first, I thought it was a funny, wild story to share with Sarah. After all, it's not like she would ever actually *be* with him, right?"
"But when I told her, she looked really hurt. She wasn't mad exactly, but she said something like, 'Wow, I can't believe you actually did that,' and she's been distant ever since."
"I didn't think the 'friends before men' rule applied here because he was basically her Movie Star Crush, not a real romantic prospect for her. But now I'm second-guessing everything."
"I feel awful for upsetting her, but I genuinely didn't think it was that big of a deal."
"Now I'm wondering, AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the friend had nothing to be upset about because there were no "dibs" to call.
"NTA. She is married. She can't call 'dibs' on a guy she can't even be with."
"I wonder how her Husband would feel about her crush. Honestly, I would take this as a wake-up call and end this friendship. She doesn't sound like a good person." - Bonnm42
"NTA. You didn't break any real friendship rules here. Sarah's crush on Jake is just fantasy. You had a chance encounter and some fun. No need to feel guilty about it."
"Sarah's reaction is a bit much. It's not like you stole her actual boyfriend. She needs to get over it and realize it's not that serious."
"Maybe give her some space for now, but don't beat yourself up over it. You didn't do anything wrong." - ImaginaryWorld851
"Seriously?! I think if one of my single friends got to sleep with my musical crush, I would want all of the details and to live vicariously through them!"
"Yes, I would have a twinge of jealousy, but only because they were my musical crush. Hurt by it would be weird."
"Like I said, there's a part of me that would be excited about hearing every detail because I know I would have never have the chance because I'm happily married." - Duh-YouAREthea**hole
"You can't have 'dibs' on a guy you haven't actually met especially since you're married. And you really can't call 'dibs' on people anyway."
"Dibs on the last soda, sure. But not a human being. Your friend is a childish brat." - Desperate-Pear-860
"This is a regular post by regular human bartender Jackie Daytona, you can't fool me. I think you were right when you said you just ruined a harmless fantasy of hers. She's being irrational, but hopefully, she'll realize she's being silly and dramatic and come around."
"I have dibs on Chris Hemsworth,though. Just in case he randomly becomes single and you happen to meet him. I would be very hurt if you slept with him and didn't even Facetime me during the deed."
"NAH, just one silly married woman and one normal, everyday human who likes superb owl parties." - Vox_Mortem
But others felt that the OP had been insensitive to her friend.
"You shouldn't have told her. Of course she's going to be envious." - iivisigoth
"Yeah, the friend's little fantasy that she really enjoyed is ruined now. That's what she's upset about, I think. Not about two consenting adults having casual sex." - Robcobes
"Not the a**hole for doing it. YTA massively for telling your friend you did."
"You absolutely knew better than to think it was a 'funny story' to tell her about and she'd laugh about it. Who are you trying to kid? Of course she wouldn't. You most certainly did not have any good motive for boasting about screwing her major crush."
"You rubbed her face in it, and you know you did. Bragging you got some of what she never will. You're no friend, you're a mean girl." - Inevitable_Pie9541
"You're not so much an AH because you did it. But, YTA for then bragging to her about it. You stole her fantasy, and it stings for her, I'm sure. This whole post is giving me big mean girl vibes while trying to garner sympathy points." - Aggravating_Style544
"ESH."
"I do feel like your friend is absolutely ridiculous because she's happily married, and she has no claim on this other man. And you didn't do anything wrong. Because there's no claim."
"So she shouldn't be the least bit p**sy about it. And I do think her reaction is at the minimum, disrespectful to her husband and marriage."
"However, I do think you were thoughtless and insensitive. I mean, you've basically just told her that you were able to get something that she knows she'll never have the privilege of having. Even if she wanted to or could."
"Not only that but for you, it was basically meaningless. If I were her, I'd probably be wondering why it had to be him? Why couldn't it have been some other rando that you decided to f**k?"
"It's like taking an opportunity to travel somewhere that you didn't care about one way or another but is a place that she's dreamed about going as a nebulous 'someday.' And yet you just took the trip on a whim. Just for kicks. And now here you are telling her about how marvelous the scenery was, how nice the people were and all the wonderful food tasted amazing."
"Life isn't fair but you've just personally shown her just how much it isn't."
"I dunno what you should do about this. Dismissing her feelings will damage your friendship, further. But I'm not sure you should apologize? Because you didn't *actually* betray her, either..." - QTLady
"I get a huge air of almost humble-brag from this entire post, and I'm guessing that's what put her friend off even more than the specific dude (though that was certainly what pushed it over the top)."
"At 49, have you not learned to use some discretion? Just savor this memory of a fun night for yourself, or at most share with a couple of close friends you're certain won't be rubbed the wrong way. (*That's not age-shaming, I'm in the same generation. I'm essentially saying grow up.)" - BrikHowse
A few focused on what they believed mattered most: who the celebrity was.
"Weird that you decided to sleep with Weird Al Yankovic, but okay." - mi_nombre_es_ricardo
"I just can't believe OP slept with Corey Feldman." - Particular-Map2400
"I'm putting my money on Gavin Degraw." - LadyBird26
"Lol (laughing out loud), why do I feel like you slept with Daughtry?" - 2Shoes_99
"It was totally Jake from State Farm." - radicalnachos
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update, stating that all was well with Sarah.
"Wow, I can't believe this blew up. I've appreciated your feedback, and I really enjoyed the guesses!"
"I got together with Sarah yesterday, and things are going to be okay w/us. Maybe a touch weird for a bit, but okay. Showing her this post helped because some people were able to express things we were individually thinking, but more articulately."
"And we had a huge amount of laughs at people's guesses (Jake from State Farm, as if anyone but Flo could pull THAT). So thank you all for being a part of us figuring this out."
"And oh my f**king god, no, it was not Dave Grohl. I'd never sleep with a married guy. That's just vile. Plus, correct me if I'm wrong, he was in f**king Nirvana and is in Foo Fighters. Not exactly the type to play small corporate gigs."
"Two people did name the guy in a couple of really low-rated comments, which kinda surprised me. Like I said, he's not a household name and I thought the details I gave were enough for context, but broad enough enough to not nail it. Reddit, you guys are good."
The subReddit could see both sides of this story, from simply the fun novelty of it to how it could be hurtful to kill someone's fantasy. But the most fun part had to be everyone's guesses at who else was involved in the story, and everyone was relieved that the OP and Sarah would be able to move past this.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.