Sometimes people put a little extra thought into gifts for loved ones.
Having something personalized can make a gift all the more special.
Personalized gifts can also cost more.
So, it can be very disheartening when these types of gifts are rejected.
One normally can’t return or exchange gifts with personal touches.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not including the ‘entire family’ in a quilt I made for my mother?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, a little while ago, it was my mother’s birthday.”
“I like to sew, so I thought it would be a good idea to make her a quilt.”
“I had the idea to make some of the squares family photos.”
“So I got some family pictures printed out onto fabric and added them in the quilt.”
“It had me, my siblings, and my parents.”
“When I gave the quilt to my mother, she seemed happy at first before she looked at all the photos.”
“She looked disappointed, and when I questioned why, she said that she was upset that I didn’t have any photos including the dog.”
“Now, as a bit of a side note, I have always had a phobia of dogs, which people never really got about me.”
“We do have a dog in the house, but I choose to not acknowledge it or be around it.”
“My mother knows very well my fear of them.”
“But, she treats this dog like it’s her own son.”
“She cooks it meals every day, gets it food at McDonald’s, gives it many presents during Christmas, and practically every framed photo in the house is of the dog rather than anyone else.”
“Essentially, she treats it less like it is a dog, and more like it is a human child, even calling it her youngest son.”
“Since I don’t like the family dog (for reasons I won’t dive into here…) I chose not to incorporate it into the quilt.”
“And also, since I don’t have any photos of it on my phone anyways.”
“And now, my mother seems to really dislike the gift.”
“I asked her if she didn’t like the quilt, and she just sighed and said that it was cruel of me to not include her youngest in the quilt.”
“I feel bad. “
“Since I am moving away soon, I wanted to give her a nice handmade gift, since I’ve never done that before, but she seems so disappointed with it.”
“I thought the photos I picked out were nice.”
“Some were recent, but most of them were from many years ago before they even got the dog.”
“My dad is telling me that it is perfectly fine that I didn’t include the dog, and that the quilt is still very nice, but my brother seems angry with me, saying that I can’t just leave out family members in a ‘family-themed’ quilt.”
“It’s been around a week since that happened, and my mom has never once used or even touched the quilt.”
“I looked and found that she put it under her bed.”
“I feel sad, but also guilty.”
“I feel like a major jerk since I just wanted to make her happy.”
“My mother has also been a bit more distant from me, so I’m scared that our relationship will be affected by this.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Take back the quilt you made with loving hands that she doesn’t appreciate and move out.” ~ Jenicillin
“NTA. It’s actually kinda funny to see some Redditors have a complete meltdown just like your mom because you didn’t include the dog.”
“If you ever need a listening ear, my DMs are open.”
“Stay strong, you are loved 🥰.” ~ kikifrank
“Keep it for yourself.”
“Take it with you when you leave as a memento from that time when you thought your mom loved you as much as the family dog.”
“That may sound harsh, but that reaction and dismissive way she treats your phobia is appalling to me as a parent.”
“I would never react that way to such a thoughtful gift from one of my kids. NTA.” ~ LindonLilBlueBalls
“This right here!!!”
“I would absolutely cherish a handmade gift like this from one of my kids!”
“I nearly had a meltdown this year when I dropped one of the handmade ornaments my daughter made for me when she was in grade school.”
“A quilt is so much more involved, and the family pictures would melt my heart!”
“You are so NTA!”
“Take it with you when you move, she does not deserve it.”
“And since she didn’t say it: I am proud of you for loving her so much that you took the time and effort to make such a beautiful, thoughtful, and timeless gift!”
“She is undeniably TA in this situation.” ~ ipickedpink
“Take it or leave it, just move away.”
“You’re never going to make her happy, she will always find some fault with whatever you do.”
“NTA but your family are.” ~ Unholy_mess169
“Take back the quilt, get several pictures of said dog, and replace pictures of your mother with pictures of the dog.”
“Regift. Honestly what a crap response to a present but the mother.”
“Sure the dog is family.”
“But to be so negative about something that undoubtedly took a lot of time and effort. Crazy.” ~ worldworn
“NTA. I second this especially given how much work, time, and money goes into making a quilt.” ~ threeblackcatz
“I’m one of those people who considers her cats her fur kids.”
“And I’ll say this. You are absolutely NTA.”
“Your mother is ridiculous to reject such a thoughtful handmade gift just because there’s no photo of her dog on it.”
“Geesh, 5 minutes in the house, and it’ll probably have dog hair on it, so problem solved, the dog is included. 🙄” ~ Rare_Sugar_7927
“This. All of this.”
“My dogs and cats have always been my kids, and yet I will say… your mom is being absurd.”
“Would it have been nice if Fido was included?”
“Of course, but it’s not world-ending that he’s not. Also NTA.” ~ DifficultMammoth
“NTA. Is your mother always this unappreciative and dismissive of your love and thoughtfulness?”
“Is it always all about her?”
“Focus your efforts on people who truly care about you and appreciate you.”
“It sounds like your mother isn’t one of them.” ~ T_G_A_H
“OP’s updates where they say their mother said they would save the dog first in a fire before any of her actual children is the most horrific thing I’ve heard.”
“If that were my mother, I don’t think I’d be pushing that hard to have a bond with her, considering she’d rather let me burn alive in a fire over her stupid f**king dog that’s going to live another ten years max.”
“I like dogs and cats, but I’d choose the life of a human stranger over my cat because I’m not a psychopath.”
“And the whole part where the mother and brother make the dog chase and bark at OP for laughs because they know they’re afraid of dogs?”
“WTF? WTF?”
“How does OP think any of this is normal?”
“It’s always so frustrating to see these posts where people are so blatantly in an abusive situation, and they’re still acting like they’re the problem in the relationship.”
“Like OP, get your s**t together.”
“Your mother and brother love a f**king dog more than you.”
“They don’t even seem to like you, at all.”
“NTA, the mother sounds like she’s more of a mom to a dog than the child that came out of her, and the brother sounds like he inherited his mother’s crappy personality.” ~ old_vegetables
“NTA. You can’t please someone who is determined not to be pleased.” ~ diminishingpatience
“NTA: Tell her that if she wants a ‘whole family’ (that includes the dog) quilt, she could sew the squares herself.” ~ Weird_spider555
“NTA. Your mother sounds very ungrateful.”
“You made her a quilt with all the human family.”
“In my bubble, a reaction such as your mother’s would be seen as extremely rude.”
“If you think this may make you a major jerk, you are probably conditioned to believe your mother is always right and you are always wrong.” ~ Jocelyn-1973
“Not just homemade. A QUILT! “
“Quilts and afghans take HOURS and they are not cheap to actually make (people don’t realize how much yarn and fabric cost). “
“Even an ‘easy simple’ quilt is a bonkers amount of work.”
“I have made a handful of quilts of various sizes, and afghans of various sizes.”
“They are only gifted to those who understand the basic love that went into them.”
“Currently making a baby blanket for the first niece.”
“I haven’t crocheted in like 6 years, so the start was pretty rough.”
“Baby won’t care if it is messy, and I know bestie (baby’s mom) will love it no matter what.”
“Every hour I work on that blanket I am thinking of both of them.”
“That is love.”
“Poor OP spent money on basic fabric AND the special custom-printed photo fabric!”
“Then spent countless hours sewing, even more, if it was hand sewn (my nana was a mad woman and did that s**t).
“Her mother is a sorry excuse of a parent for rejecting it at all, let alone over a DOG!” ~ Hippie_Gamer_Weirdo
“NTA. I’ve sewn two quilts.”
“Those take lots of time.”
“While you want the person to like the quilt, when you’re not being paid, you need to like it too (in my opinion lol).”
“Take the quilt back quietly, don’t say anything.”
“Hold on to it for a few months and if you still want to gift it to your dad, then go ahead but with caution; she might give him a hard time about using it.” ~ Asleep_Objective5941
“Let me get this straight…”
“You MADE a quilt?”
“You went to the trouble to print photos onto fabric, and stitched a quilt?”
“As a gift?”
“And the recipient threw it in the trash!?”
“And you honestly have to ask whether you are the a**hole here?”
“Seriously? NTA.”
“Your mother is mentally ill.” ~ Sparky-Malarky
“NTA. You didn’t have to include the dog and it was a very loving and handcrafted gift- and this is from someone who treats pets like family members.”
“If you want to smooth over this (which you shouldn’t have to) you could get a throw pillowcase printed with a picture of the dog to ‘go with’ the blanket.” ~ notthedefaultname
“NTA. I would tell her to try sewing the entire blanket.”
“That’s hard.”
“If she’s going to throw a fit over that and ignore the hard work.”
“Take it back.” ~ purplecandylollipop2
“NTA. The part I’m having a hard time with is the fact the dog has stayed in the household even though a human member of the family is afraid of them.”
“I’m a Mom, if one of my kids is terrified of dogs then we don’t keep a dog in the house!!!!!”
“It should have never gotten to the point that it has.”
“OP, (the human child their mother gave birth to) should have come first.”
“The dog should have never stuck around long enough to be in every framed picture of the house!”
“Both of OP’s parents failed them.”
“As parents, we protect our children from what they are afraid of, not invite it in and make it one of the family.” ~ nerdmama86
“NTA. Coming from someone who was present when our elderly dog was put down early this week.”
“He was a member of the family.”
“We prepared his food.”
“You made her a lovely gift.”
“A quilt with photos of all the people in her family.”
“My heart would be full to receive such a gift from my child.”
“Your mother is a little ‘off.'”
“She can buy a blanket with a picture of the dog.”
“They sell them for $29.99.”
“Your gift is priceless.” ~ mrslII
“NTA! NTA! Your mother has a personality disorder, and I can’t imagine this is the first time she’s been this shi**y.”
“I really, really, really hope you don’t take this on yourself as something you did wrong.”
“I could go off here about the difference between humans and pets, but that’s not even the point.”
“You did a lovely thing and made a beautiful gift, if a kid of mine did that I’d be over the moon.” ~ cartoonybear
“NTA. You printed photos and made a quilt (which is quite some work), this is an incredible, personal, wonderful gift!”
“Her reaction is completely inappropriate and ungrateful.”
“I would honestly scale down my gift-giving for her by quite a lot in your position.” ~ jenny_shecter
“Take it back.”
“I say this as a fellow fiber artist.”
“Don’t let your hard work languish under a bed. NTA.” ~ Next-Wishbone1404
Reddit is here for you OP.
You put a lot of thought and time into your gift.
It’s sad that your Mom can’t appreciate it.
It’s fine that she loves her dog that much, but she shouldn’t be treating you this way.
Hopefully, she’ll come around.