While we like to think the world continues to change for the better, that doesn’t stop people from being obstinately set in their ways.
All people are capable of change, but not all people are willing to change.
Sometimes even willfully putting their relationships with their families at risk by refusing to hear someone else’s side, or open themselves to being enlightened.
It was Redditor Dark-Skye08’s turn to host a family gathering.
A gathering the original poster (OP) knew had the potential to be a bit tense, owing to one certain relative.
Unfortunately, this relative behaved in a way that lived up to the OP’s very low expectations, resulting in her kicking this relative out.
Concerned she might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For kicking my cousin out of the family get together for being homophobic?”
The OP explained why they felt their cousin was no longer welcome at the family gathering she was hosting with her mother:
“Once a year my entire family gets together for a dinner.”
“We choose a different person to host the dinner every year.”
“This year it was mine and my mom’s turn.”
“I (20 F[emale]) and my mom (59 F[emale]) had cooked and set tables for around 40ish people.”
“The dinner wasn’t supposed to start until around 6pm, but as usual people would show up early to help or just hang out.”
“My cousin (Angie) and her 3 kids show up around 3pm.”
“Her kids went to play outside while she came to ‘help’.”
“The minute she stepped into the kitchen she started going on and on about how she didn’t want her kids around one of our other cousins because he was in her words ‘too fruity’.”
“I kind of ignored her as I was still trying to get things ready for the dinner.”
“After a bit of talking she finally went outside with her kids.”
“About 30-45 minutes later the ‘fruity’ cousin arrived.”
“Let’s call him Josh.”
“Josh and his fiancee came into the kitchen and started helping as well.”
“His fiancee who we will call Ted is a chef at a local restaurant and one of my childhood friends.”
“A little later Angie came back inside once almost everyone had gotten there.”
“She immediately started yelling that she nor her kids would be eating anything Ted had touched because she didn’t want her children to ‘turn gay’.”
“I flipped.”
“I tried explaining that being gay isn’t a choice and you can’t ‘turn gay’ from eating someone’s food.”
“She started yelling even more so I told her that if she couldn’t shut up and enjoy the food and family time that she knew where the door was.”
“She left and later started texting our group chat that she felt attacked and not welcome.”
“AITA here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking her homophobic cousin out of her home.
Everyone agreed that Angie’s behavior was beyond the pale, and if anyone was made to feel “attacked and not welcome”, it was Josh and his fiancé.
“You showed her homophobic a** the door.”
“She’s right, she’s not welcome.”
“NTA.”- Gypsyheartwanderer
“This reminds me of this sweet guy who’d make so many of my family’s birthday cakes.”
“He was a home baker.”
“Super nice.”
“They were always so pretty, flavorful and moist.”
“They were always a hit!”
“UNTIL, my uncles found out he was gay and said they didn’t want to eat some ‘[F-word]’ s cake.”
“Saying he probably had a disease.”
“I wasn’t even 5/6 at the time and it broke my heart.”
“I was even more upset when I learned he’d passed from AIDS, when I was around 10.”
“This was in the 80s and I hate that they felt right to deny his talent and business because of his orientation.”
“NTA.”
“It’ll serve your cousin right if one of her kids did ‘turn gay’.”
“People are so stupid.”- Acceptable_Spell1599
“LMAO.”
“Feel free to text her back in the group chat saying ‘yeah, you’re NOT welcome’.”
“‘You told my cousin and friend straight to their faces that you didn’t want your kids catching their gay through the food they cooked’.”
“‘That’s a one-way ticket to no longer being welcomed in most places, including my house’.”
“NTA, thanks for being a true ally.”- DanceClubCrickets
“NTA.”
“Being gay isn’t a disease; you can’t catch it.”
“Your cousin is an idiot.”- Waltersmom2011
“NTA.”
“She is clearly under educated to think her kids can turn gay from food.”
“Better off without her.”- Regular-Twist553
“NTA.”
“I hope your family jumped in and put her in her place in that group chat too.”
“Bigots aren’t welcome – it sounds like maybe that was your message and she should get a clue.”- Particular_Case80
“NTA.”
“She didn’t behave like a guest, wasn’t even polite.”
“Not the person you invite.”
“But I feel bad for the children.”- Bastet79
“She was rude to your guests.”
“Of course she’s not welcome.”
“NTA.”- ScarletNotThatOne
“She was the one attacking.”
“You just told her to take her trash talk out.”
“NTA.”
“She needs help.”- Sassypants2306
“NTA.”
“And later started texting our group chat that she felt attacked and not welcome.”
“LOL I mean… she isn’t welcome.”
“Because she’s an a**hole.”- CarbonationRequired
“Tell her bigoted homophobes AREN’T welcome.”
“That’s the whole point.”
“NTA.”- Icy-Passenger-3889
“Between sitting next to a homophobic bigot, and the person who is gay.”
“I know which one I would prefer, and it isn’t the bigot.”
“NTA.”- Itchy-Association239
“NTA.”
“She was ignorant and being mad homophobic.”
“Good on you for standing up for your cousin and his fiancé.”
“Also don’t bother with your cousin texting the group.”
“When a hateful person is called out, their natural reaction is to victimize themselves.”- DylantotheJ
“Good riddance to bad rubbish.”
“Block her bigoted a**.”
“NTA.”- Moriarty1953
“NTA.”
“It’s always good to stand against homophobia.”- SortedN2Slytherin
“NTA.”
“‘Gay’ is not contagious and your cousin is stupid, which unfortunately *can* be contagious so really you saved everyone when you kicked her a** out.”- OooooorahNZ
“NTA.”
“Your cousin has opinions that are dangerous and you were very well behaved.”-Midsummersday4me
“Not only was she being homophobic, yuck, she was attacking another family member at a family gathering.”
“You did good to show her the door.”
“NTA.”- Roving-Pixels
“You know damn well you’re NTA.”
“She sounds like a horrible b*tch who I would cut out of my life and never think about again.”- saltofthearth2015
“‘She didn’t want her kids around one of our other cousins’.”
“Angie said it.”
“Easiest way for her kids not to be around Josh & Ted was for them not to be there.”
“All OP did was facilitate and expedite what Angie wanted.”
“NTA.”- Jeveran
“NTA.”
“Not only aren’t you the AH, you are awesome!”
“Good for you for standing up to that ridiculous bigotry.”
“This is also why I don’t host extended family gatherings in my home.”
“Somebody’s a** would almost certainly get tossed.”- SHELLIfIKnow48910
“Of course NTA.”
“What a loon.”- whatsupwillow
“NTA!”
“Never The AH when shutting down and shunning bigotry.”
“Your hater cousin can suck it up and deal with being then loner outsider if she can’t grow out of her ignorance and bigotry.”- TheMerle1975
“NTA.”
“Homophobes deserve to be treated like the trash they are.”
“Also, your cousin definitely takes her medical advice from RFK Jr. and believes US taxpayers don’t bear the burden of tariffs.”- Unable_Ad_1470
“NTA.”
“She’s not getting attacked, she picked a fight by attacking Ted and lost when you rightly kicked her rude homophobic a** out.”- lawfox32
“NTA.”
“She’s an awful person, and ignorant.”
“Too bad she’s raising children and will try to teach them this sh*t.”- Firm-Investigator-89
“She was hateful and attacked a family member.”
“She is unfit to ever be invited back.”
“NTA.”- therottingbard
“You are NTA and well done on supporting a member of your family.”
“She breathes the same air as gays, so why doesn’t that worry her?”
“You don’t need bigots spoiling your day.”- GoddessfromCyprus
“NTA.”
“Awww she feels hurt and attacked?”
“How about held accountable for her bullsh*t!”
“She made the decision to leave.”- RogueWedge
“NTA.”
“Imagine being so scared of gay people you think they can turn you gay by making you a nice meal.”-MidwestPanic69
“NTA.”
“You didn’t kick your cousin out for being homophobic.”
“You kicked her out for causing strife, for being uncivil, for being unkind, for attacking another guest in YOUR home.”
“The reason she chose to behave poorly was her homophobia, but you know what?”
“She could have been a quiet homophobe and stuck around.”
“She chose to be a loud AH.”- opine704
It’s sad to think that anyone can be “turned gay” at all, let alone through food.
Even sadder that people in this day and age would have a problem with their children being gay.
However “attacked and not welcome” Angie may have felt in this scenario, she should consider the fact that Josh, his fiancé, and so many others worry about feeling “attacked and not welcome” just about anywhere they go.