Often times, parents only want the very best for their children.
Sometimes, that means being overly critical of their significant other.
But where should the line between critique and bullying be drawn?
A woman on Reddit canceled the anniversary party she was throwing for her parents because they are “embarrassed” by her husband’s job and don’t want him to attend, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor pixiiexxsensual asked:
“AITAH for canceling my parents’ anniversary party after they uninvited my husband because he’s a waiter?”
“I (28/F[emale]) have been married to my husband (30/M[ale]) for three years.”
“He’s an amazing partner and works as a waiter at a high-end restaurant, which he loves.”
“My parents have always been a bit snobby about his job, making comments like, ‘When will he get a real career?'”
“A few months ago, my siblings and I planned a big surprise party for my parents’ 30th anniversary.”
“I was covering the majority of the costs because I’m in a better financial position.”
“Invitations were sent, catering was booked, and everything was set.”
“Last week, my mom called me and said they were ‘uncomfortable’ with my husband attending because some of their ‘prestigious’ friends would be there, and they didn’t want to be ’embarrassed’ by his job.”
“I was stunned.”
“I told her that was cruel and unacceptable, but she doubled down, saying, ‘It’s just one night — he should understand.'”
“I immediately canceled the entire party, letting my siblings know why.”
“They’re furious with our parents but think canceling was too extreme since ‘the party wasn’t just for them — it was for the whole family.'”
“My parents are devastated and calling me selfish, saying I ruined their milestone.”
“AITAH?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and decided OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“If your parents are so prestigious, they can pay for their own anniversary party.”
“NTA” – RefrigeratorCold296
“NTA.”
“Your parents are acting like their ‘prestigious’ friends can’t handle the shock of meeting a guy who works for a living.”
“Canceling the party was a chef’s kiss-level power move.”
“Why throw a party for people who think your husband’s job is beneath them?”
“They should’ve celebrated their milestone with the dignity they apparently think they have.”
“If they’re devastated, maybe they can cry into their snobby champagne and reflect on how trashy their behavior really is.”
“You didn’t ruin their milestone…they did.” – 410Writer
“NTA, they ruined their own fu**ing milestone.”
“Who asks to uninvite a co-host?”
“You can tell your parents that their ‘prestigious’ friends already know what kind of ungrateful bigots your parents are.” – Sparklingwine23
“NTA and I bet your husband makes good money as a server at a high-end restaurant!” – Actual-Swordfish1513
“And I thought my MIL didn’t like me…..”
“I am so sorry…you are NTA.” – PodFan06082
“Your husband is your partner, and it’s completely reasonable to defend him when your parents are being disrespectful about his job.”
“His career choice is valid, and his work as a waiter shouldn’t be a source of embarrassment for anyone.”
“Your mom’s comments about not wanting him at the party because of his job show a lack of respect and understanding, and it’s commendable that you stood up for him” – down_to_earths
“NTA. Your parents are being total jerks.”
“It’s messed up that they wouldn’t want your husband there just because of his job.”
“You did the right thing by canceling the party.” – Junior-Author6225
“NTA – your parents on the other hand, are!”
“Well done for choosing you & your husband.” – Proud_Diamond1996
“NTA. “
“If they’re ashamed of your husband, they shouldn’t be surprised when their actions have consequences.”
“It’s their anniversary, but it’s your money and respect on the line.”
“You stood up for your partner, and that’s what matters most.” – RosettaPink_
“NTA why would you want to throw a fancy party for people who think their son in law is so far beneath them, his simple presence is embarrassing.”
“I mean if they wanna bite the hands that feed them (at least as far as a party is concerned), they should’ve been prepared for the outcome.” – Lacroix24601
“Nta. Your parents are absolute trash” – Agitated-Buy8146
“NTA They’ll reach their milestone with or without a party.”
“Was any of husband’s money going to help pay for the party?” – wlfwrtr
“NTA – besides as your parents said, it’s just one night.” – meeeee01
“NTA, you stood up for your husband.”
“The one thing I feel like too many families (including my own) have a problem with is maintaining some form of pride and reputation.”
“It’s honestly disgusting and incredibly lacking of compassion.”
“Your husband shouldn’t be seen by them as a possible stain on the family’s reputation.”
“You did the right thing, as your family’s pride is not important to the point of isolating your husband from the family.” – McGamezOnline
“NTA they ruined their milestone. Maybe next time they should pay for it themselves.” – Lizardgirl25
“NTA.”
“The party was to celebrate your a**hole parent’s anniversary.”
“It was absolutely for THEM.”
“And you certainly don’t have to pay for any celebration for them.” – grayblue_grrl
“NTA, your first responsibility is to defend and protect your spouse.”
“Your mom is trash for belittling your husband’s career.”
“She needs to apologize.”
“Your siblings reactions shouldn’t be overlooked either.”
“How would they handle it if she said terrible things about their spouses?” – Dry-Leg8804
“NTA!! Good for you for sticking by your man.”
“Pretentious parents don’t deserve a party.”
“High-end restaurants can leave you with $3-400 in tips in a 4-hour shift.”
“I’d say your husband is on a great career path!” – False_Record429
“How can they say ‘it’s for the whole family’ when ur hubby is family!!!”
“NTA if they want the party, let them pay” – AstronomerWestern109
“NTA.”
“Tell your parents that selfish is uninviting someone who is helping pay for a party and still expecting them to pay.”
“Also tell them that you get what you pay for and they paid nothing, so they get nothing.” – RJack151
“Absolutely NTA.”
“It’s amazing how we’ve gone from ‘these people are essential’ to ‘my pos snobby friends won’t like that your husband works for a living and actually likes his job.'”
“Good on you for sticking up for your husband.” – sir_clinksalot
“The most interesting thing you said ‘…it was for the whole family.'”
“Obviously, they do not consider your husband as family.”
“That is what you say in response.”
“You will have a family party when they recognize YOUR family.”
“You were 100% right to do what you did.”
“Remind them that the money going to pay for their party was partially earned by your husband.”
“And if they are too embarrassed by him, then they should be embarrassed to take his money.”
“Definitely NTA!!” – jmg4craigslists
“If your parents are so concerned with class, why don’t they have any?”
“NTA” – gremlinowl
“Uninviting the son-in-law is effectively uninviting their daughter.”
“And it would be silly to pay for an event you’re not allowed to attend.”
“NTA” – RebelSushi
“NTA.”
“And your husband is a lucky man to have such an awesome wife.” – JapanEngineer
“NTA.”
“Your parents were way out of line.”
“If your siblings want the party so bad they can pay for it with their fancy-I am not a server-job earnings” – Hobbiesandjobs
“Classist bullsh*t called out.”
“NTA!” – BirdHerbaria
“Let them be ‘devastated’ they caused this with their ignorant judgment”
“Funny you and your husband both work ,and you both are better off financially than your siblings 🤫.”
“.. sound like it was you and your husband’s money paying for a party that he was unwelcome attending- why should part of his earnings go towards people who are clearly Pieces of 💩” – Ok_Ring_3261
“Let the siblings get together and pay, book a venue etc.”
“Tell the parents that ‘the waiter’ was financially contributing, and his contacts were being used.”
“Tell them you wish them a joyous event, but you and hubby will be staying home.”
“Tell them you’re glad they’ve revealed themselves, and you will bear their snobbery in mind when the grandkids arrive.”
“NTA.” – Successful_Dot2813
“NTA”
“I’d literally go public on social media.”
“I was recently asked to pay for an entire anniversary party, including catering and general fanciness.”
“As you may be aware, couples usually have joint finances and support each other with the costs of things.”
“Well, half of this couple was uninvited to an event I paid for because my husband being a waiter at a Michelin Star restaurant isn’t good enough for the ‘hosts.'”
“The ‘hosts’ who have friends who are ‘too fancy’ and will be ‘uncomfortable’ around my husband.”
“The person paying for half of this with his ‘not real’ job.”
“So for those of you wondering why it was cancelled, it is because the hosts were too broke to pay for their own stuff but still wanted to look fancy to their friends.”
“So much so that they blamed their fancy friends for then uninviting their apparently worthless son-in-law despite reaching into his pocket.”
“They can pay for their own things.”
“And if you truly are the type of ‘friend’ that can’t stand to be in the room with an off-duty waiter because he isn’t fancy enough, then eff off.”
“If you are a good person who would never have told my parents to do such a thing, then I commend you, and you’re invited to drinks at my house.”
“I will not be changing my mind.”
“This is known as ‘biting the hand that pays for your bad attitude and fancy crap.'”
“Have a good day.” – Armadillo_of_doom
According to other Redditors, OP did the right thing by standing by her husband.
Hopefully, her parents will understand her position; if not, they can throw their own party.