Weddings are particularly special occasions that generally warrant their own attention and party time. To share the party with any other big announcement is generally frowned upon.
But some people still use weddings and engagement parties as an opportunity to announce something in their own lives, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor fuziz was at an engagement party where this happened, and she decided to speak up on her friend’s, the bride’s, behalf.
But when she saw some people’s reactions, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have said anything at all.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for ruining an engagement dinner?”
The OP was excited to hear her friend was getting married.
“My friend (Sarah) invited my boyfriend and I (female) to a dinner where she had announced her engagement with her now fiancé.”
“There were many of her closest friends there with their significant others.”
“Once Sarah announced her engagement, everyone was congratulating her and everything. We were stoked and just having a good time.”
She wasn’t excited about another surprise announcement.
“Then Sarah’s other friend, N, announced that she was expecting a baby with her husband.”
“All the attention went on her, and everyone started congratulating her and her husband.”
“I looked towards Sarah and she was silent but looked really upset.”
“I asked her if she allowed N to announce her pregnancy here.”
“Sarah said no but not to worry about it.”
“Her fiancé looked mad but didn’t say anything either.”
The OP decided to speak up.
“I don’t know if this is what makes me the a**hole, but my boyfriend says it does.”
“I got N’s attention loudly and everyone looked at me.”
“I said, ‘You weren’t given permission to announce your pregnancy here. Sarah and her fiancé gathered everyone here and are paying for our meals. The night is about them… not you.'”
“I continued, ‘If you wanted a pregnancy announcement dinner, you should have held it on your own time, but you wanted to take the attention from Sarah and her fiancé away so badly that you’re ruining their engagement dinner? You’re toxic.'”
“N and everyone else were looking at me before she started crying and saying that I shouldn’t be talking to her like this since she’s pregnant and that wasn’t the case.”
“I told her that she wasn’t the first woman to be pregnant and that a lot of pregnant women can respect their friends too and not make everything about themselves.”
“N and her husband left and it was a bit awkward, but eventually the dinner went back to normal.”
The OP’s boyfriend didn’t appreciate her behavior.
“When my boyfriend and I got home, he said I was an a**hole.”
“I asked him how, because I really didn’t see it but if he could explain, then I’d be willing to apologize to N.”
“He said it was none of my business and I should’ve kept quiet, that no one needs to hear my opinion and how I ruined the night for both of them.”
“I got a bit defensive and said N ruined the night for Sarah and I ruined the night for N, so I don’t know how I ruined the night for both?”
“Sarah texted me after the dinner and said thank you, that I didn’t have to say what I did, but she was happy, more so once N left because the pregnancy announcement hurt her.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was absolutely right to stand up for her friend.
“Your delivery was blunt but awesome! Maybe N will think twice about her bad behavior from now on. NTA” – Littleballoffur22
“The world needs more friends like OP. I’m in awe of her loyalty and chutzpah.” – StevenAssantisFoot
“OP, I love your shiny spine. You’re a true friend and I’m sorry your BF either can’t see or can’t appreciate that. You redeemed the night, you didn’t ruin it.” – PrideofCapetown
Others criticized the boyfriend’s unwillingness to speak up.
“NTA. You stood up for your friend. Your friend thanked you. Your boyfriend seems like the type who does not like to make waves. Fine for him, but he doesn’t have the right to tell you how to act. People need more friends like you!” – patjames904
“I often think people are a**holes themselves for avoiding confrontation when other people are being a**holes.”
“I worked in a sexist, demoralizing, horrifically toxic work environment with someone really close to me and, while I can hold my own, there were times when I was shocked this guy didn’t stick up for me and watched me getting verbally abused by my boss. Wanting not to ‘make waves’ can absolutely make someone the a**hole.” – blonde-bandit
Some said N was trying to use her pregnancy as an excuse for her behavior.
“I’d count it as a bad sign that N’s first reaction was, ‘Don’t talk to me like that; I’m pregnant.’ That is definitely the mark of someone who plans to get away with being a problem child for the next 9 months.”
“I am glad she was disabused of that notion on Day One of Acting Out. One hopes that it will give her pause so she doesn’t default to Rude Mode from here on out.” – Either_Coconut
“When I was pregnant, people would be like, ‘Oh, are you worried about the birth’ or ‘Oh, how hard things must be for you now’ and try to focus on that and I was always like… people have been giving birth for thousands of years, with far less medical understanding, and harder lives.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s not that epic. Pregnant women commonly act wayyyyy too entitled.”
“(Not to take away from anyone who has a complicated pregnancy, mine were very easy and that’s a privilege, but let’s not assume all are difficult and put pregnant women on a weird pedestal, so they get away with being complete a**holes)” – NancyNuggets
Though the boyfriend couldn’t appreciate what the OP did, the subReddit celebrated her for standing up for her friend. While engagements and parenthood are both important occasions, stealing someone’s spotlight to announce your own achievement isn’t the best plan.