Weddings are particularly special occasions that generally warrant their own attention and party time. To share the party with any other big announcement is generally frowned upon.
But some people still use weddings and engagement parties as an opportunity to announce something in their own lives, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor fuziz was at an engagement party where this happened, and she decided to speak up on her friend's, the bride's, behalf.
But when she saw some people's reactions, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have said anything at all.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for ruining an engagement dinner?"
The OP was excited to hear her friend was getting married.
"My friend (Sarah) invited my boyfriend and I (female) to a dinner where she had announced her engagement with her now fiancé."
"There were many of her closest friends there with their significant others."
"Once Sarah announced her engagement, everyone was congratulating her and everything. We were stoked and just having a good time."
She wasn't excited about another surprise announcement.
"Then Sarah's other friend, N, announced that she was expecting a baby with her husband."
"All the attention went on her, and everyone started congratulating her and her husband."
"I looked towards Sarah and she was silent but looked really upset."
"I asked her if she allowed N to announce her pregnancy here."
"Sarah said no but not to worry about it."
"Her fiancé looked mad but didn't say anything either."
The OP decided to speak up.
"I don't know if this is what makes me the a**hole, but my boyfriend says it does."
"I got N's attention loudly and everyone looked at me."
"I said, 'You weren't given permission to announce your pregnancy here. Sarah and her fiancé gathered everyone here and are paying for our meals. The night is about them… not you.'"
"I continued, 'If you wanted a pregnancy announcement dinner, you should have held it on your own time, but you wanted to take the attention from Sarah and her fiancé away so badly that you're ruining their engagement dinner? You're toxic.'"
"N and everyone else were looking at me before she started crying and saying that I shouldn't be talking to her like this since she's pregnant and that wasn't the case."
"I told her that she wasn't the first woman to be pregnant and that a lot of pregnant women can respect their friends too and not make everything about themselves."
"N and her husband left and it was a bit awkward, but eventually the dinner went back to normal."
The OP's boyfriend didn't appreciate her behavior.
"When my boyfriend and I got home, he said I was an a**hole."
"I asked him how, because I really didn't see it but if he could explain, then I'd be willing to apologize to N."
"He said it was none of my business and I should've kept quiet, that no one needs to hear my opinion and how I ruined the night for both of them."
"I got a bit defensive and said N ruined the night for Sarah and I ruined the night for N, so I don't know how I ruined the night for both?"
"AITA?"
"Sarah texted me after the dinner and said thank you, that I didn't have to say what I did, but she was happy, more so once N left because the pregnancy announcement hurt her."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was absolutely right to stand up for her friend.
"Your delivery was blunt but awesome! Maybe N will think twice about her bad behavior from now on. NTA" - Littleballoffur22
"The world needs more friends like OP. I'm in awe of her loyalty and chutzpah." - StevenAssantisFoot
"OP, I love your shiny spine. You're a true friend and I'm sorry your BF either can't see or can't appreciate that. You redeemed the night, you didn't ruin it." - PrideofCapetown
Others criticized the boyfriend's unwillingness to speak up.
"NTA. You stood up for your friend. Your friend thanked you. Your boyfriend seems like the type who does not like to make waves. Fine for him, but he doesn't have the right to tell you how to act. People need more friends like you!" - patjames904
"I often think people are a**holes themselves for avoiding confrontation when other people are being a**holes."
"I worked in a sexist, demoralizing, horrifically toxic work environment with someone really close to me and, while I can hold my own, there were times when I was shocked this guy didn't stick up for me and watched me getting verbally abused by my boss. Wanting not to 'make waves' can absolutely make someone the a**hole." - blonde-bandit
Some said N was trying to use her pregnancy as an excuse for her behavior.
"I'd count it as a bad sign that N's first reaction was, 'Don't talk to me like that; I'm pregnant.' That is definitely the mark of someone who plans to get away with being a problem child for the next 9 months."
"I am glad she was disabused of that notion on Day One of Acting Out. One hopes that it will give her pause so she doesn't default to Rude Mode from here on out." - Either_Coconut
"When I was pregnant, people would be like, 'Oh, are you worried about the birth' or 'Oh, how hard things must be for you now' and try to focus on that and I was always like... people have been giving birth for thousands of years, with far less medical understanding, and harder lives."
"It's fine. I'm fine. It's not that epic. Pregnant women commonly act wayyyyy too entitled."
"(Not to take away from anyone who has a complicated pregnancy, mine were very easy and that's a privilege, but let's not assume all are difficult and put pregnant women on a weird pedestal, so they get away with being complete a**holes)" - NancyNuggets
Though the boyfriend couldn't appreciate what the OP did, the subReddit celebrated her for standing up for her friend. While engagements and parenthood are both important occasions, stealing someone's spotlight to announce your own achievement isn't the best plan.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.