We talk about people being morning people or night owls. Studies have shown that some humans perform better just after sunrise, while others do their best work after dark.
However, the world operates on the day walkers schedule. In person banking, shopping, car repair… pretty much any errand a person can’t complete online caters to morning people.
And the volume of the world goes down after dark. Which is great if that’s when you’re going to sleep.
But if you plan to sleep during the day? So much background noise.
A person working on the graveyard shift turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Stayhumble4721893 asked:
“AITA for kicking my sister and her boyfriend out because they don’t respect my sleep schedule?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My (34, female) sister (27, female) and her boyfriend (28, male) moved in with me at the end of August after he was laid off from work. She doesn’t make enough to pay rent on her own.”
“The agreement was for them to stay at my apartment through the holidays so they could save up money and he could find a new job. All they’d have to contribute is $500 for rent and food.”
“He has done his part and found a new job and they have been saving money for their move, which is part of the reason why I feel like I might be the a**hole here.”
“She works part time at a grocery store. That’s supposedly all they will schedule her for, but that’s what she’s said, so I take that with a grain of salt.”
“Her income was always supposed to be supplemental in their household because her boyfriend makes/made decent money as a construction worker.”
“He was making good money with his old job and his new job he’s making decent money, they’re just having a hard time because she tends to spend more than they can afford. A lot of it is going towards takeout, makeup/beauty products/clothes, and nights out with her friends.”
“I work graveyard in a small group home for adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. I cannot sleep at work because I’m the only one there and I have to be awake in case one of our residents needs me or there’s an emergency.”
“I spend my time at work cleaning, doing documentation, changing people’s Depends undergarments, making their meals for the next day, and giving a few of them their showers in the morning. Needless to say, I have to stay awake and alert the entire time I’m there.”
“My sister has a difficult time understanding that I need my place to be reasonably quiet during the day so I can get my sleep. I could understand some normal amount of noise, but she took it over the top.”
“Laughing obnoxiously loud; blasting her music or TV in the living room—right next to my bedroom; having loud guests over; being very loud in the bathroom and kitchen, etc….”
“I asked very nicely many times to please keep it down, and she always apologized and said okay. But then she started to make it my problem and said I should buy noise-cancelling headphones or sleep at my boyfriend’s place instead.”
“I finally got upset and told her they’re being allowed to stay with me as guests and if she can’t act as such, then they need to find somewhere else to stay. She spent the rest of the day calling all her friends and everyone in our family telling them how horrible I am for threatening to kick them out.”
“Our parents reached out to me and asked if that was true. I told them the situation and they’re on my side, but said I should give them the month to figure things out.”
“I called and spoke with her boyfriend and he felt genuinely bad about the situation and had no idea this was an issue. I try not to bring him into things, but figured since this would affect him, it was only right.”
“Now she’s even more furious with me because I ‘went behind her back’ and called him and ‘manipulated’ him into being on my side.”
“I told her look, I will give them until November 1st to figure something out, and he even said it probably wouldn’t even be that long as they could go stay with his parents, but my sister is choosing to die on this hill and make me out to be the villain when all I wanted was some quiet so I could function at work.”
“AITA for kicking them out?”
“I do feel bad because her boyfriend is doing what he can and is being reasonable. I just don’t understand why my sister can’t comprehend that I can’t sacrifice my sleep and put my livelihood at risk.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be the a**hole because my sister’s boyfriend is being reasonable, and my sister is making me feel like the villain just for wanting quiet so I can sleep.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. She is a guest in your home. She needs to respect you and not invite people over herself.”
“The audacity in suggesting you stay with your boyfriend, effectively kicking you out of your own apartment, is staggering. Her calling you out on contacting people about this is her throwing stones in glasshouses because she did exactly that to slander you.”
“You need that rest because your job has you responsible for people who are unable to do things for themselves (that and sleep deprivation is dangerous). That trumps any of your sister’s needs or wants in your home, or how her boyfriend is impacted.”
“If you’re on a lease, what are the rules around guests? Can you defer to that as a reason to kick out your sister?” ~ lemon_charlie
“As a guest, you should have as small a footprint in another person’s home as possible. When I’ve stayed with relatives, I did everything possible to make it like I wasn’t there.”
“Entered and left quietly, washed any dishes I used, replaced any food or drinks I consumed. If I watched TV or listened to music in my room I wore headphones.”
“I interacted with the family, played games, shared meals, and watched TV with them at times, but never had friends at their house or did much when others were sleeping, but I was working 2 40+ hour a week jobs, so was rarely there except to sleep and maybe eat.”
“NTA. OP’s sister obviously decided she had equity in her sister’s place and didn’t have to act like a guest anymore.”
“As evidenced by the headphones and go stay at your boyfriend’s place comments. Having friends over when your host is trying to sleep is as bad as it gets guest-wise.” ~ False-Importance-741
“Ugh, I agree with this take 100%. Your sister thinks that the place is hers, OP, and wants you to move in with your boyfriend so she can stay without being bothered by you but still wants you to pay for it.
“The entitlement is strong with this one.”
“We had to stay with my sister for a month due to hurricane damage on our house a while ago while our house was repaired. We did everything we could to help out and be unobtrusive.”
“She says we’re the best house guests she’s ever had because of it. House guests, especially long term ones, shouldn’t be making waves in a home when they’re doing you a favor by letting you stay.” ~ PsychologicalGain757
“NTA. I actually think that OP was completely in the right to contact the sister’s boyfriend. He’s not an outsider to this situation. If the sister doesn’t quiet down, his ass is out on the street, too.” ~ EngineeringAble9115
“NTA. I can’t believe the nerve of your sister though. Telling you to buy noise canceling headphones, or saying you sleep at your boyfriend’s? You’re being very generous to give them til November 1st. Good luck on these last few days!” ~ Malibu_Cola
“NTA. I’m a doctor and I have had shifts of more than 36 hours, I’d 🔪 the person who doesn’t let me rest after work, even my cats know how to behave and do their things quietly while I’m sleeping.” ~ Unalimonagrio
“NTA. Your sister is an entitled brat. This is your home and your rules. If she doesn’t like it she is free to leave.” ~ Catblue3291
“NTA. And the headphones or sound machine would be some steps you could take to make it more comfortable for yourself, I don’t find it an appropriate suggestion here.”
“She should have cut out as much noise as she reasonably could, and if it was still a problem with her just normal living sounds, then the suggestion would be appropriate and probably would have been well received!”
“But it doesn’t seem like she tried to minimize her noise at all.” ~ Substantial_Glass963
“So she called everybody to tattle on you, but is mad YOU went behind HER back and explained to her boyfriend why you were having them leave? Something that directly affects him.”
“Yeah, NTA, and I think you know it, but also I think family dynamics may have your ‘normal’ compass off here. You are in no way being unreasonable.”
“If I had to guess, I’d say she resents you or is jealous, and is finding ways to take those feelings out on you. And has probably felt that your whole lives.” ~ FilthyDaemon
It sounds like one of OP’s house guests is considerate of their host’s needs.
Sad that it’s not the one related to them.