A person can end a relationship at any time and really for any reason, but if they really cared about the person they were dating or married to, they’d do what they could to be considerate of the other person’s feelings.
That’s why cheating is looked so down upon, including emotional cheating, pointed out the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Zelousideal_Board89 thought that she had been in an incredible relationship for the past two years, but she became suspicious of her boyfriend’s feelings when he paid an increasing amount of attention to his new female coworker.
When he started dating his coworker shortly after she left him, the Original Poster (OP) felt validated for thinking something more was going on.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for correcting my ex-boyfriend when he said we had a mutual breakup and making things awkward?”
The OP thought that she and her boyfriend were going somewhere.
“I (25 Female) and Evan (25 Male) had been dating for a little over two years.”
“We have plenty of mutual friends that we hang out with a lot and I thought that everything was going great with us.”
“We did not live together but the topic of considering doing so was something that started to come up during the last months of our relationship.”
When a new coworker came into Evan’s life, everything changed.
“The thing is, around four months ago, he got a new job and quickly became really close to one of his coworkers.”
“He would constantly bring her up so much that I told him that we should all hang out but he’d just say, ‘Mah, she wouldn’t want to; she’s kinda shy,’ or ‘She’s busy this weekend.'”
“I thought, ‘Okay, fair,’ but I did clock that it was kind of weird.”
“So at first, it didn’t bother me too much because I was glad he was getting along with his new coworkers, but then I noticed that he had started to text her a little too much. Like, every time we were spending time together, his phone was just going off.”
“I had even caught him smiling at his phone when he was doing so and I knew that it was her he was texting because when I’d ask, ‘Who’s that?,’ he wouldn’t even look up at me and just say her name. Elle.”
The OP realized she couldn’t keep sharing Evan’s attention with Elle.
“It was one of those times that he was texting her that something just snapped in me and I decided that it was not something I was going to tolerate. I am a sort of jealous person, I’ll admit that, and he knew that.”
“I’d also like to think that I’m not an irrationally jealous person, but the way he just seemed so different and excited to talk to/about this new friend was just too much for me.”
“So I told him straight up that his friendship with her was making me really uncomfortable and that it felt like it was more than just a regular friendship.”
“He rolled his eyes and said that it wasn’t his fault they had so much in common and that I was being insecure.”
“Perhaps I was, but after going back and forth with him for a while I told him that I didn’t want to be with someone who made me feel that way and we broke up.”
The OP recently felt validated when she saw who Evan was dating.
“Now, fast forward to a week ago. It was one of our friend’s birthdays and we all got together to celebrate.”
“I had seen him at these outings with our friends since the breakup and we didn’t really speak other than a ‘Hey,’ so it wasn’t too weird for us to be in the same room (Okay, it sort of was for me).”
“Except this time when he came hand-in-hand with a girl and introduced her by the name that I knew so well (Elle), I laughed. I couldn’t help it.”
“I was so hurt but at the same time felt so validated that I wasn’t being crazy.”
“He just shook his head and said something like, ‘C’mon don’t do this, it’s been months and we both decided to break up mutually. Am I not allowed to move on?'”
The OP didn’t cover for her ex-boyfriend.
“That REALLY annoyed me and I just said, ‘Uhm, no. I broke up with you because I didn’t believe you when you said Elle was just a friend, and clearly, I was right’ and gestured at her.”
“I could tell he was mad that I said that in front of everyone and Elle looked uncomfortable, but I didn’t care.”
“The conversation quickly moved past the awkwardness and the rest of the night was great.”
“I did apologize to the birthday girl, who I’m super close to, but she said she didn’t care and instead just made me tell her everything, lol (laughing out loud).”
Evan later tried to blame the OP for making him look bad.
“I thought that was that, but earlier today, Evan texted me, saying that I was f**ked up for making things awkward for him and his new girlfriend.”
“He said that some of our friends were refusing to welcome her with open arms and that some were even referring to her as ‘the girl Evan cheated on the OP with.'”
“Now, I’m not sure that he really did cheat on me, at least not physically, but the fact that I was right and there were feelings there that were more than just friendship made me feel validated, and I refuse to correct our friends or to try to smooth things over.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she wasn’t malicious, just pointing out a lie.
“NTA.”
“I would have just texted him back like, ‘If you hadn’t lied, then I wouldn’t have had to say anything. Please never contact me again. I really don’t care about your new girlfriend and have moved on.'”
“Then just block him. Out of sight, out of mind. It’s up to your mutual friends how they want to handle things going forward with him and Elle.”
“Just ignore them and don’t stoop to any drama. You have told your truth, and that’s it. Just focus on yourself and the friends who matter and leave him in the dust.” – BackgroundSoup7952
“NTA. He tried to make you look petty and immature by lying and saying it was a mutual breakup. All you did was set the record straight after he lied.”
“How your friends are treating him and his new chick are the consequences of his own actions.” – glimmerseeker
“NTA. He reaped what he sowed.”
“He may or may not have been having a physical affair with Elle…but he absolutely was having an emotional affair with her. And, he tried to gaslight you into not believing what you were observing with your own eyes.”
“You were right, and the AH ex hates that you now have the satisfaction of irrefutable proof. The math is mathing, you were right, he was cheating on you with Elle, and now everyone knows it.” – Ema630
“I think maybe you’re less jealous than you think you are. Or at least approach and understand your feelings in a reasonable and rational way.”
“Someone who had very bad unfounded jealousy issues would have flipped out the second they realized he was talking about a female coworker. You didn’t do that. You were happy he made a friend and invited her to hang out!”
“That isn’t the behavior of a jealous partner, it’s the behavior of a supportive partner.”
“You stopped supporting it when you realized his behavior was inappropriate. You were then proved right and didn’t let him skate over his bad behavior when he tried to. You sound like a reasonable person, but one that has respect for themselves. I think you dealt with this admirably.”
“Even if you have had jealousy issues in your past, you’re self-aware enough to know it and aren’t allowing that to be what dictates your feelings. People much older than you don’t have that much self-awareness. I say good for you! Absolutely NTA.” – kate05_
“NTA. You handled this Ell-egantly.”
“The only one I would have worried about was the birthday girl, but she seems to love the drama, so great job. You don’t owe it to him to pretend the break up was about something it wasn’t.” – spacemouse21
Others pointed out the ex-boyfriend was just mad that he’d been called out for his actions.
“He’s just p**sed you called him out on his bulls**t. He thought he could get away with a lie and you wouldn’t say anything, but sucks to be him… You laid out his bulls**t for everyone to hear.”
“His problem, not yours.”
“NTA.” – GlobalNomad2020
“NTA. He’s an AH in general and a coward in particular. He probably didn’t physically cheat but was checking out of the relationship, yet not man enough to break up himself to pursue Elle.”
“Then he also lacked the grace to give OP the heads-up about bringing Elle to the next gathering.”
“He was either counting on OP ‘behaving’ and not slapping back, or he had simply been so uninterested in their breakup that he hadn’t really clocked in on her being so aware of his flirtation with Elle, at the time. I don’t know which option’s worse.” – imcesca
“An old joke comes to mind, ‘If he says he wants to be with other people, then he’s already got someone, or at least has that horse saddled and ready to go.'”
“Beyond the sexist implications, it carries with it some long-known wisdom. He might not have broken it off with you to be with Elle. But he certainly had her in mind for such a thing. He seems to have been emotionally cheating, at the very least.”
“And if he can’t bring her around to hang out with both of you, that’s a huge red flag. You did right. NTA.” – SweatyFLMan1130
“NTA. It doesn’t sound like he fought OP about the breakup either to try and stay together. Bro was already moved on in his heart/second head and was probably happy not to have a long drawn-out breakup.”
“OP did him a freaking favor by leaving with no drama, and he has the audacity to lie in public?” – TheSirensMaiden
“Don’t be gaslit, girl! I think your first instincts were spot on and now he’s trying to guilt you into feeling bad about confronting them and telling the truth…”
“He obviously spun it one way to make himself and Elle look good… Good for you for speaking up. Whatever your friends do or don’t do is not your concern. If my boyfriend was constantly texting or speaking to another woman that he worked with, outside of work hours… I wouldn’t be happy, either.” – Indie_Foxie
A person can end a relationship at any time for any reason. Still, it’s best to be honest and end things before a relationship begins with someone else, and to a certain extent, it does not sound like that’s what happened with the OP’s ex-boyfriend.
While he may not have cheated on the OP physically, it sounds as if he was already in the middle of an emotional affair and mentally placing himself in a relationship with his coworker despite still being with the OP. He could have made other choices if he didn’t like other people knowing that.