Having difficult conversations is a part of life.
Conversations about money, sex, and one’s body can feel very cringeworthy.
But these conversations are often unavoidable.
Even if it’s chatter with an intimate partner, it doesn’t always mean a good time will be had.
Redditor SuccessfulSugar4961 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for asking husband to stop ‘adjusting’ openly in public?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (60) scratches/adjusts himself multiple times an hour.”
“I have requested that if he needs to adjust when we are in public, he do it behind me or not face me.”
“I have brought this up twice over the course of multiple years.”
“He gets upset and defensive.”
“I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but it seems excessive.”
“I should note that I was raised with 4 older brothers and have never seen them, my dad, uncles, teachers, coworkers, etc, ever ‘adjust’ openly.”
“Should I suggest different underwear (he wears loose cotton boxers)?”
“Leave out baby powder or gold bond powder?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“I don’t want to be TAH, but not a fan of the adjusting?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“My sister’s husband used to have a habit of doing the same.”
“All of our family and friends noticed, and we all talked about how gross it was.”
“We came up with a plan, every time we were together, and he did that, the first to notice would immediately put a hand to our crotch, and others all followed along until we all sat/stood holding our crotch.”
“It didn’t go over very well, but the more we did it, the more he realized just how often he was yanking his crotch.”
“He soon stopped his nasty habit, and now he’s the first to notice other men who do it.” ~ Lyndawithay1
“F**king GENIUS!”
“It’s a creative way to say ‘we don’t like this, ‘but also an opportunity to let him save face by starting to be the one who spots b**l-grabbing first.” ~ SporadicWink
“NTA. A man shouldn’t be adjusting his penis/scrotum in public.”
“I personally find it gross and creepy (I am female), and I don’t want a man to do that in front of my younger family members.”
“He should try some boxer briefs.”
“I’m not a prude and have worked with plenty of men as a cook in multiple restaurants.”
“I have heard all about sweaty ba**s from the heat, but never watched a male coworker adjust himself.”
“Maybe they were doing that in the cooler or walk-in storage.” ~ stinkvoidlife
“My husband used to do this, I lost my s**t on him several times.”
“I finally told him I won’t be seen in public with a man who can’t control himself and not touch that way.”
“He hasn’t done it with me since.”
“The sad part is he thought he was doing it because he had big ba**s.”
“I kid you not.”
“I told him he most likely had saggy ba**s and switched him to briefs.”
“He grew up with (sad to say) white trash men who saw things like this as manly behavior.”
“Spitting and grabbing themselves, I cut that s**t quick.” ~ Life_Scratch_2807
“NTA, my guess is his underwear doesn’t fit.”
“I work with over 50 blue-collar guys.”
“Probably nearer 100.”
“I never do this, I never see this.”
“There is a guy on a different shift who scratches himself, and he is known as… the claw!!” ~ Ok-Conversation-5084
“It IS excessive.”
“There’s something else going on here – that is not normal behavior.”
“It seems that you aren’t going to be able to avoid a difficult conversation on this one, but you need to ask if he’s itching, in pain, etc.”
“Point out that you just don’t see any other men doing this multiple times an hour in public. NTA.” ~ wesmorgan1
“If he’s uncomfortable to the degree he does this, he either needs a doctor, powder, or different underwear.”
“He needs to be a man, take ownership of his private parts, and figure this out.” ~ EmmaRB
“NTA. When he does it, ask him if he has fleas or lice or something, and that maybe he should get that checked with his doctor.” ~ JessieColt
“NTA. That is not normal, and it’s in poor taste.” ~ Lucky_Volume3819
“NTA, he needs to stop acting like a child and touching himself in public.”
“No one does this.” ~ soulure
“NTA. It is not socially appropriate to touch your genitals in public.”
“This is something we teach children when they are still learning social rules.”
“There is nothing wrong with touching your genitals.”
“It is one of the things we do in private.” ~ reredd1tt1n
“NTA, but also… this is a grown man, 60 at that… How did you guys get past the first date?”
“How long have you been married?”
“I’m not a fan of women raising grown men.”
“If you tell him it bothers you, he needs to grow up and figure it out.”
“Find himself some underwear, research some powder, I don’t know.”
“It’s been 6 decades… c’mon now.” ~ trawww7
“NTA. It sounds like his underwear isn’t fitting him.”
“If he is on the larger side, he’ll probably be most comfortable in a boxer brief with a large ‘pouch’ in the front.”
“My partner only wears those as he finds all other underwear to be too constricting, or he adjusts a lot.” ~ mighty_knight0
“NTA, as it makes a lot of people uncomfortable to see that, especially when someone does it constantly.”
“I just want to say, unfortunately, this is not just a man’s problem.”
“My mother-in-law scratches her vagina CONSTANTLY in public.”
“I’m like, ma’am, please cease and desist.”
“I can see on people’s faces that they are uncomfortable.”
“I too feel uncomfortable seeing men do it as a woman, but also as a woman, I feel I’m comfortable when this woman does it as well.”
“Like, what’s happening down there?”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure there’s a solution so they don’t have to be so uncomfortable that they adjust so often.”
“I’m sure it’s unpleasant for them as well.”
“But I don’t think you’re TA for feeling uncomfortable with it and worrying that he might be making other people uncomfortable.” ~ aroseonthefritz
“NTA. Sure, men need to adjust sometimes, but multiple times per hour?”
“I was raised by a single father and with a brother, and I do not recall either of them ‘adjusting’ in front of me and/or other people.”
“My husband and sons are the same- I’m certain they do, but I’ve never personally witnessed it.”
“Somewhat similar story- I was in the grocery store yesterday afternoon and there was a man just scratching and digging in his behind.”
“Not a quick scratch or removing underwear from your butt crack, but full-on digging a ditch.”
“I finally heard another man tell him he needed to go to the restroom and wipe his butt or something and make sure he washed his hands!”
“Butt scratcher got so mad, I think he left the store.” ~ Lazuli_Rose
“NTA. That’s not normal.”
“He should excuse himself to the public restroom for this.”
“Maybe he doesn’t shave the boys?”
“Maybe try Dr. Squatch ball barrier.”
“That helps with the dry skin, smell, and funk.”
“If it’s psychological, maybe some anti-anxiety meds will help.”
“Get that man a fidget spinner!” ~ Livid-Entrance-980
“NTA. My husband did this sh*t all the time, even though I warned him that it is a disgusting habit.”
“He worked as a subcontractor in public schools, and some of the lady employees called the office and raised hell.”
“He was so pissed I didn’t take his side when he came home complaining.” ~ 2Tears-n-a-bucket
“NTA, but has any other behaviour changed?”
“This can be one of the early indicators of dementia onset.”
“I would strongly recommend that your husband see a gerontologist.’
“Early onset is highly treatable if caught in time.” ~ Witchynana
“NTA. I sometimes get a guy who has to adjust the twig and berries, but I always try to find a restroom, or if one’s not available, do it as discreetly as possible away from people.”
“Could potentially be horrible jock itch.”
“While this may be too much information when it’s satan’s taint, nasty out, I use some spray powder on the boys and that makes a world of difference.”
“It could also be he just needs new underwear, too.” ~ Fun_Inspector_8633
OP came back with some clarifications…
“He wears loose cotton boxer briefs.”
“He hates to wear anything even slightly snug, shirts, underwear, jeans, etc.”
“Eta/clarify: I work from home.”
“He works with mostly men and sits at a desk most of the time.”
“We don’t go out in public together much, not for any particular reason other than I am a homebody.”
“He didn’t do this in the earlier part of our relationship (together 15 years, married 13).”
“This has mostly been in the last 5ish years.”
“This is definitely adjusting, not itching and not pervy.”
“He says he needs to adjust and should be able to when he needs to.”
“This is not done inside of clothing.”
“I have no problem with his adjusting in public.”
“It’s his lack of discretion or being self-aware enough that I have a problem with.”
“I do believe that it is not socially acceptable and can be seen as creepy, for lack of a better word.”
“ETA: Pouch underwear, wash, and ball powder are all on order, and he agreed to all of the things, including doing his level best to refrain from adjusting openly in public.”
“He will let me know if he needs to adjust, and I will assist him in being discreet by being a sight barrier, or he will go to the restroom.”
“I did not tell him I posted this… haha.”
“I truly appreciate all of the feedback, suggestions, and humor.”
“Thank you all.”
Reddit has your back, OP.
Thankfully, your husband is listening.
These kinds of conversations aren’t always easy to have, but they are necessary.
Glad to hear it all worked out.