Teenage birthday parties can be the stuff of great memories and dreams.
Or they can be brutal nightmares.
Who makes the invite list and who doesn’t is often never forgotten.
And those memories/slash wounds can follow everyone through life.
Does that mean everybody gets an invite no matter what?
Redditor BirthdayPartyDrama wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for excluding my daughter’s ‘best friend’ from her birthday party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (36 F[emale]) daughter’s (13 F) birthday was last weekend.”
“There’s this trampoline park in town that offers sleepover parties. The kids could play for a few hours, watch a movie, and have a sleepover on the trampolines.”
“Her school is very small, so there are only 20 students in her entire year.”
“When we were booking the event, she said to only book 19 places.”
“I asked her if she was sure she wasn’t missing out on someone, but she assured me there were only 19 kids in her class, and I was just misremembering.”
“Fast forward to her birthday, and this girl ‘Kamilla’ shows up with an entire box full of gifts: teddy bears, perfume, candles, nail polish, flowers, chocolates, etc.”
“I remembered picking up my daughter from school at the beginning of the school year and seeing her chatting and being very friendly with Kamilla, so I assumed they were quite good friends.”
“When Kamilla went up to hug my daughter and wish her a happy birthday, she lightly pushed her away and told Kamilla she couldn’t attend as we forgot to book her place.”
“I apologized to Kamilla and her mother and offered to talk to the people in charge and pay for her place, but my daughter insisted that Kamilla couldn’t come.”
“Kamilla was very distraught over this and started sobbing.”
“I pulled my daughter aside and asked her why Kamilla couldn’t join, even though they used to be friendly and she’d invited every other student in her year.”
“She said that Kamilla was just really weird, obsessive, and creepy, and she didn’t want to be friends with her anymore.”
“I asked her if Kamilla was bullying her, and she said no, she just didn’t want to be around Kamilla.”
“Kamilla’s mother had found out about the party through another parent, and Kamilla decided to surprise my daughter, knowing she hadn’t been given an invite.”
“I returned the gifts to Kamilla, apologized again, and gently told her that there weren’t enough spaces.”
“Her mother started screaming at me, telling me that I was a grown adult woman bullying a preteen girl.”
“I told her that it was my daughter’s birthday party, she could invite whoever she wanted.”
“She accused me of raising my daughter to be a bully, and that she couldn’t just invite the entire class and exclude one girl.”
“She claimed that Kamilla was my daughter’s ‘best friend’ and she had the right to be invited.”
“I told her that my daughter’s a teenager, not a 5-year-old, and she can’t be forced to invite the entire class just to be nice.”
“I said that I didn’t want to raise a doormat.”
“I didn’t want to teach her to value the feelings of others at the expense of her own – if my daughter feels uncomfortable around someone, then I prioritize HER wellbeing over that of a stranger’s.”
“Kamilla’s mother is now talking to the teachers to punish my daughter for ‘bullying.'”
“I’ve tried explaining to her that my daughter was simply setting her boundaries; she shouldn’t have to face consequences for that.”
“Kamilla’s mother said that I was an ‘evil b**ch’ who ‘took joy in bullying little girls.'”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. The real issue here is that your daughter lied to you about the class size to exclude this one person.”
“It’s possible that Kamilla makes your daughter uncomfortable, but it’s also possible that your daughter is being unnecessarily mean.”
“With teenagers, it could go either way.”
“I think you should go to the school and find out what’s happening.”
“You have no way of knowing if your daughter actually is being a bully until you find out for yourself.”
“If she is bullying your Kamilla, you need to know so you can correct the behavior.”
“Don’t be so quick to believe your daughter is innocent here.”
“Someone told Kamilla she could come to this party.”
“Ask yourself this question: how did Kamilla know where the party was and when it started?”
“Just so you all know, OP added the information about Kamilla’s mom finding out the party details from another parent after the majority of people voted her the TA and suggested that her daughter was a mean girl.”
“I was one of the first people who commented on this post, but that bit of info wasn’t there.”
“OP is as manipulative as her daughter is.” ~ Mother_Tradition_774
“What your daughter did was mean.”
“She invited the entire class with one exclusion.”
“Your daughter is the bully.”
“YTA for not shutting down the party right then and there for your daughter lying to you about how many kids were in her class.”
“Yes, she can invite whomever she wants if she does it openly and honestly. She didn’t.”
“She lied to you and no, your daughter wasn’t setting boundaries.”
“She was cruel to one kid.”
“I suspect she made a big deal out of giving out the invites as well given that Kamilla knew exactly where and what time the party was at.” ~ sheramom4
“100% agree. I was the ‘Kamilla’ when I was in school.”
“All the girls in the class were invited to the birthday parties except me cause I was a bit weird.”
“It destroyed me, along with the other bullying, and destroyed my confidence and self-esteem for years.” ~ Chocobumble
“Same. The mom found out and came over and invited me and I went over and the girls made me sleep downstairs while they hung out upstairs.”
“One girl left the room to go be with me and was the only reason I didn’t leave.”
“We talked about animal crossing.”
“Those same girls that hosted or excluded later pushed me down the stairs.” ~ Careless-Banana-3868
“Is there any doubt that inviting 19/20 kids to a party is an a**hole move?”
“Or turning away 1/20 when she shows up with gifts, clearly thinking she was supposed to be there.”
“As a former 13-year-old girl who has known countless others, does anyone truly believe a 13-year-old girl overheard details and tried to crash a party she wasn’t invited to?”
“If she’s an outcast, she knows she wouldn’t be welcomed or included and would only be setting her up for a humiliation that she clearly wasn’t prepared for.”
“Trying to market this as boundaries or an independent thinker… ugh.”
“YTA and your daughter are too.” ~ Objective_Lead_6810
“So, you knew there were 20 kids in her class, but you believed her when she kept insisting otherwise?”
“You also knew Kamilla, thought they were friends, but didn’t know she wasn’t invited?”
“Were you not involved with the invitations at all?”
“You want a kid who can speak up for herself. Great.”
“But she didn’t do that.”
“She didn’t tell you she didn’t want to invite Kamilla.”
“She lied to you to get her way, so she could purposely exclude the girl.”
“She lied to Kamilla in front of you.”
“You also lied to them.”
“You didn’t talk to the people in charge. You talked to your daughter and then decided to tell them there weren’t enough places.”
“This isn’t setting boundaries. YTA.” ~ Lizard_Friend_44
“YTA. When you are trying to fall asleep tonight, you should think of this situation and imagine you are a 13-year-old girl, excited to be going to a classmate’s birthday party, selecting and bringing all the great gifts, only to be turned away in front of all your classmates because the birthday girl doesn’t like you.”
“Experiences like this are ones that stick with a person for life, and you should be ashamed of yourself.” ~ Mollystar2
“YTA. Your daughter was being an AH, and instead of telling her to cut it out, say thank you for the gifts, and be nice, you backed up her bad behavior.”
“Your daughter lied to you – that’s an issue.”
“It’s likely that one of the other kids invited Kamilla because they wanted to see her get turned away; nasty.”
“And your daughter did exactly that – poor Kamilla.
“You’re kidding yourself if you want to call this behavior boundary setting.” ~ happybanana134
“YTA – she doesn’t have to invite everyone.”
“But inviting all but one is mean.”
“Then when she showed up, you did not handle that well and publicly embarrassed a little girl and her mother.”
“You could have pulled the mother aside and explained the situation.”
“You were not aware, and kindly suggest the kid stick around for a bit then leave.” ~ jrm1102
“An a**hole raising an a**hole!”
“And a liar because your daughter knew she was wrong, which is why she said you ‘misremembered’ the numbers in her class.”
“She thought she could just get away with excluding her.”
“It is fine to not invite everyone, but to leave just one out is s**t, unless there is bullying involved and your daughter admitted there wasn’t. YTA.” ~ Rainbowbright31
“YTA (and your daughter is too, she is old enough to know better)- you are not raising a doormat but a really unpleasant bully.”
“I would be so embarrassed if my daughter tried to pull a stunt like this, and I actually hope that you are ashamed of yourself and the way that you have raised a cruel/mean child.” ~ Any-Star-34
Well, OP, Reddit is clearly dissatisfied with this situation.
It does seem odd to leave out one person in a small class.
That is a glaring omission.
It may be a good idea to get everyone in the same room to calmly discuss this, with a mediator involved.
Good luck.