It’s common knowledge that not all relationships last. That’s just the way it is.
Some end on good terms. Others do not… to put it mildly.
Many former couples find ways to remain friendly, especially when they share the same circle of friends.
Others, however, cut off all communication completely.
That’s the hope, at least.
A man on Reddit is baffled after his ex-fiancée, who he hasn’t spoken to in seven years, randomly befriends his new wife and tries to get her to cheat on him.
His new wife thinks it was just a fluke, believing his ex had no idea the two are now married, so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor throwaway-exfian6324 wrote:
“AITAH – My ex-fiancee tried to get my wife to cheat on me”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I think my ex-fiancee Jess (31/F[emale]) might have tried to get my wife Olivia (30/F[emale]) drunk and cheat on me.”
“My wife thinks I am overreacting and overthinking the whole situation.”
“Can someone tell me if I would be an a**hole to ask Olivia to stop being friends with Jess immediately?”
“For context, Jess and I started dating during the sophomore year of our college.”
“We met through mutual friends and connected instantly. She was charming and outgoing and made friends instantly everywhere she went.”
“I am more shy and nerdy, but I enjoyed going out to parties with her.”
“We got engaged on our graduation day as both our families were attending.”
“I got a job in a big tech company right after college and Jess moved in with me while looking for jobs.”
“That is when the relationship started going downhill.”
“Jess was an art major and had trouble finding a stable job.”
“She did a bunch of freelance work and mostly worked from home. I was overwhelmed with work.”
“She always wanted to go out to bars and clubs, and I wanted to rest in the evening after 10-12 hours of work.”
“I was ok with her going out with friends alone, and I would sometimes tag along on the weekend.”
“It bothered me that she was still in her party girl phase.”
“She complained that I was becoming boring and should enjoy my early 20s before we settled down.”
“I was also not happy with the friends she hung out with, as there was a lot of drinking and drug use.”
“Even when I went out with her friends, she would be extremely flirty with guys in her friend’s group.”
“Her excuse was always that she gets flirty when she is drunk or she was just joking.”
“I had enough and decided to call off the engagement after two years as we were just different people at that point.”
“The breakup was messy, and she kept trying to get back with me for almost a year.”
“There were some incidences where Jess may not have acted in her best judgment, and I blocked her from all my social media.”
“I did not want to deal with the drama and wanted to move on.”
“I also got a transfer to another town around that time and never heard from Jess again.”
“This is when I started dating my wife, Olivia.”
“My wife was the exact opposite of Jess. She was very soft-spoken and a homebody like me.”
“She knew I was engaged before.”
“We dated for 3 years and happily married for 2 years now.”
“However, one of the sticking points we always had was my Thursday nights.”
“3 of my closest college friends are now scattered all across the country and we generally play a video game together on Thursday evenings since our college days.”
“Olivia complained that she gets bored during that time.”
“About 6 months ago, Olvia told me she got a Facebook invite for a group where they had painting and wine nights on Thursdays.”
“It was mostly 8-10 women who got together at someone’s house and spent the evening painting, drinking wine, and gossiping.”
“According to Olivia, it was just a few housewives and divorcees, and they welcomed her.”
“One of the women’s name was Jess, but I did not think much of it.”
“Two weeks ago, Olivia told me it was Jess’s birthday and they wanted to a ladies’ night at a club.”
“Olivia hates loud music, but Jess convinced her to come for dinner and some drinks.”
“On that night, I got a call from Olvia at 10 pm asking me if I could come and pick her up.”
“I could tell something was wrong and immediately left to pick her up.”
“I went to the bar and went in to pick up Olivia.”
“I was shocked when I realized that her friend Jess was my ex-fiancee.”
“She also looked surprised to see me there.”
“I was polite and said hello to everyone, but Olivia wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.”
“After we went in the car, I told Olivia that Jess was my ex-fiancee whom I had not seen for almost 7 years.”
“Olivia was shocked to hear it, and she did not know about it.”
“It was crazy since I did not even know she lived in the same city as us.”
“Olivia told me Jess was the one who had started the painting group.”
“She had divorced her husband 2 years ago and moved to our city for a fresh start.”
“The reason why she called me was because she was getting uncomfortable with the situation at the bar.”
“Since Jess and one of the other women were single, they kept on encouraging guys hitting on them and inviting them over to their table.”
“Jess was trying to get everyone drunk and was asking Olivia to open up and have fun.”
“She was constantly hyping up Olivia to two of the guys who bought them a round of drinks.”
“At this point, Olivia excused herself to go to the restroom and called me to pick her up.”
“I am not happy with the situation, but I am also not mad at Olivia.”
“I am just uncomfortable with Olivia hanging out with Jess.”
“I told Olivia about the same.”
“Olivia told me that she was never going to put herself in the same situation again with Jess or anyone else.”
“Also, this friends group is the only real social life she has since we both are in a completely new city.”
“She does not want to stop going to her painting nights with her friends.”
“I brought up the thought that Jess could be acting in malice, but Olivia told me she did not think Jess would know I was her husband as Olivia never showed my picture to anyone in the group.”
“She also said that it’s been 7 years since we broke up.”
“Jess is a kind person and I should not judge her based on one night when she was drunk.”
“She still wants to stay friends with Jess.”
“On one hand, I do not want to separate Olivia from her friends.”
“But, my gut feeling is telling me something is off in this situation.”
“Besides, it feels weird to have my ex be friends with my wife.”
“Am I the a**hole to want Olivia to stop being friends with Jess because of my gut feeling? Or, should I just let it go as it’s Olivia’s call to make?”
This in and of itself seems a bit bizarre, but OP later posted an update that takes this situation to a whole new level.
He wrote:
“For reference, I broke up with my ex-fiancée Jess 7 years ago and have been together with my wife for 5 years (married for 2).”
“After the night of Jess’s birthday, where she tried to get my wife drunk and flirt with strangers, I had a long conversation with my wife.”
“I laid down why I was uncomfortable with her hanging out with Jess.”
“My wife agreed with most of what I said but she feels that enough time has passed now where we can let things go.”
“She also talked to Jess and she told her that she had no idea about me and it’s just one happy coincidence.”
“Jess also insisted to my wife that she moved on with her life after our breakup, found love and unfortunately the marriage did not last.”
“She told Olivia that maybe we all could go out for dinner together and clear out the issues.”
“Jess also insisted that she was just having fun at the bar, and apologized to my wife if her drunk behavior made her uncomfortable”
“My wife asked me if I would be ok with their friendship as she has not found a social group in the new town for a long time and Jess seems like a changed person.”
“She also told me that she would only meet these women during her art night, and not go out on girls’ nights or trips.”
“I felt that as long as Olivia was comfortable, I should not have any reason to be worried.”
“We also had dinner with Jess once and Jess was very friendly.”
“She told me about what happened in her marriage, and how she is on her healing journey right now.”
“She also apologized to me for her behavior during our last few months together.”
“Jess also now owns a business and works as a freelance artist and graphic designer.”
“I also was gracious as we were just 23 and I harbor no ill-feelings.”
“My wife also started hosting art night at our place once a month or so and I had to move to my office for my game nights.”
“Last week, after the art night, Jess and one other lady hung back, and we were all drinking wine and chatting.”
“The other lady was asking questions about Jess and I.”
“Jess told her that it was old history, and I went no contact with Jess for 4 years.”
“That was the reason why she had no idea about Olivia.”
“Olivia looked at me, and asked Jess, you mean 7 years ago right.”
“Jess said no, and that was when we broke up.”
“However, we met every time I came back to my hometown.”
“I thought she was drunk, so I corrected her again that it was 7 years ago, and she was misremembering things.”
“Jess said maybe, and we moved on.”
“The next day, Jess sent a bunch of photos to my wife of me and Jess hanging out.”
“They were just innocent photos like us having dinner, at a music festival, working-out together, etc.”
“The weirdest part was I had a few tattoos on my body that I got after I broke up with Jess.”
“I also never owned the clothes the person in the photo was wearing.”
“Even the photos were timestamped to 4 years ago (Christmas 2019).”
“Olivia freaked out because we started dating in the summer of 2019.”
“I did make a trip alone to my hometown in Christmas 2019. However, I never met Jess.”
“She started asking me why I did not tell her about meeting Jess.”
“I tried to tell her that these things never happened, but she does not believe me.”
“She also called Jess, and Jess told her that we met because I was back in town.”
“However, we were just platonic at that point, and that’s not what my wife is thinking.”
“I confronted Jess and she told me that I am stupid to not tell Olivia about meeting her, and also not telling her about Olivia.”
“She says that I told her I am still single.”
“Olivia is very angry at me.”
“She is not believing a word I am saying.”
“I kept on telling her that I have not seen her for 7 years.”
“Olivia says she does not mind me meeting her, but I should have told her as we were together.”
“I volunteered to show her all my phone records during that time, but they only go back to 3 years on my carrier.”
“I am confused about how those photos can even exist when I never met her.”
“They are definitely photos from when I was with Olivia, as I look more muscular in these pictures and also have tattoos that I did not have back then.”
“I even told her she can call my friends and family and ask them about the trip, but she says that she has all the photos of my trip, and my friends and family will cover for me.”
“Can someone please help me what I can do in this case.”
“I need to convince Olivia that this is all false.”
“But she is just angry at me and giving me silent treatment.”
“I swear that I did not meet Jess during that trip and am caught up in this mess without my fault.”
OP also thanked fellow Redditors who offered to inspect the photos for tampering, but he noted he didn’t feel comfortable sharing them with strangers.
While speaking with people from his hometown, he also learned he was at the events Jess mentioned, but all confirmed he never met her.
“Also, another thing I learned after talking to a friend yesterday was the music concert venue (from the pictures) was a park near my parent’s suburb and I did indeed go there with my friend for Christmas tree event.”
“He also confirmed to my wife that he was with me all the time and we never met Jess there.”
“He also shared two photos from his camera roll that showed me wearing a different t-shirt than the photo that Jess shared.”
“My mom confirmed that the gym photo was taken in an exercise room from the YMCA my parents go to.”
“My mom reminded me that I did use their guest passes during that trip.”
“I have no idea what is going on TBH.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on the situation.
Most of them could agree that OP has been in an absolutely bonkers situation.
“What in the twilight zone is going on here?”
“Jess is freelance artist and graphic designer! Has your wife not heard of photoshop?”
“Olivia is really naive to believe Jess has good intentions here.”
“I suggest you remove Jess from your lives immediately. You and your wife need to focus on your relationship.”
“Jess knows exactly how to drive a wedge between you two, using your wife’s longing for friends, naivety, and kindness against her.”
“This is only going to spiral more if Jess continues to be in your lives.”
“I’d also be more upset at Olivia for believing her friend/your ex over her husband.” – Forward_Most_1933
“You know for a fact those are photoshopped even if they’re done well, and knowing what she’s done in the past trying to get your wife to cheat on you, mention that.”
“She tried to get you to cheat on me before and now she’s using faked photos to make you lose trust in me, she hasn’t changed at all, she’s trying to ruin our marriage.”
“She is a graphic designer she is really good at using photoshop so no wonder those photos look real.”
“Knowing all of that, you’re going to trust her over me?”
“Jess is not trustworthy, she is a bad person trying to ruin our marriage.”
“At this point, you’re going to have to put your foot down, Jess or You, or it’ll just get worse.”
“Jess in a known liar. Bring up how it hurts that she’s believing Jess over you.” – EZbakedGhost
Many also believe it would be best for OP to take action.
“Ummmm you probably need a restraining order against Jess.”
“This is reaching some crazy stalker level.”
“If this is all real, I assume Jess got some current photos from that time period from yours or Olivia’s social media and photo-shopped them.”
“Possibly you can get a computer forensic specialist to prove this, but you would need Olivia to be willing to believe it.” – K_A_irony
Some pointed out some inconsistencies in Jess’ attempt.
“I think I found a hole in her story.”
“I already made a comment but just remembered an inconsistency.”
“If you had been seeing her when you came back, why would she had apologised at the dinner, for her behaviour at the last months of your relationship?”
“Wouldn’t that already have been discussed?”
“If you guys had met up platonic for years, then I would expect you guys to already have talked it out.”
“The behaviour during dinner sounds like you guys hadn’t spoken since the breakup.” – Tall-Negotiation6623
Several commented on Olivia’s questionable reaction to the whole situation, as well.
“Look, if your wife is willing to believe Jess after everything she has done, then you are honestly better off without her.”
“Olivia’s desperate need for friendship is blinding her to what’s going on.”
“This would honestly be a deal breaker for me.”
“What’s Jess going to accuse you off next? False abuse accusations?”
“Olivia is not going to have your back.”
“This isn’t something therapy is going to fix.”
“Your wife trusts your psycho ex over you. The relationship is already done.”
“Protect yourself and move on from both of them.”
“I would also consider speaking to the police about the harassment from Jess, because I think this might get worse before it gets better.”
“Possibly even hire someone to confirm edited photos.” – NovaPrime1988
“Tell Olivia, ‘since your friendship with Jess is more important than our marriage, I guess the only recourse is to separate.'”
“‘I can’t be in a marriage where my wife believes someone that has been actively trying to break up our marriage, instead of her husband.'”
“‘Starting by stalking us, then trying to get you to cheat on me, and now photoshopping photos from something that never happened.'”
“ask your wife if she has sent Jess photos of your tattoos to her, etc. Or are they on hers or your social media?”
“She could have gotten them from there.”
“Also, I would check to see if she actually has been married.” – rocketmn69_
They also all acknowledged that Jess is a manipulative piece of work.
“OP you and Olivia had fell in the mouse trap Jess put.”
“She obviously see you and her in Facebook, remember the way Olivia was invited to the Art thing.”
“Jess is trying to separate you from Olivia as a payback from you to leave her and not accepting her back in that year after the break up.”
“She made those photos of yours. She probably took the original photo from a picture on Olivas or yours Facebook and edited it”
“Talk to your wife and tell her this, but first look into your pics to see which one could be the one edited or fake.”
“Sadly if you can find it this would become a thing she said you said, and this will show you the true colors of both Jess and your wife Olivia, if Olivia end up believing in Jess, your marriage is doom and Jess either will try to get back or just will rejoice in your loss.”
“Sadly if in the future you have another relationship, she will try to find a way to do the same.”
“So if this (Olivia issue) result in it was correct, you will have to take care of this more strongly.” – FlygonosK
We hate that OP has found himself in this crazy and stressful situation, but it sounds like he now has two women to worry about instead of just one.
We are with his fellow Redditors, wishing him all the best as he navigates this.