When staying in someone’s home (for free), most people try their best not to be in the way.
Most people find ways to show their appreciation.
After all, when someone opens their home to others, especially in times of need, they are willingly turning their lives upside down to help.
So just saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and offering to help around their home is the norm.
Apparently, not everybody feels this way.
Redditor DiamondOwn8686 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not making my DIL coffee and telling her I am not a barista?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I sent this to my son and D[aughter]-I[n]-L[aw].”
“My son and DIL (Emily) are staying in our home, probably for the next month, due to water damage in their home.”
“The company is fixing the damage, but the flooring was also severely damaged, so it’s not very livable right now.
“They have only been here for less than a week, and I am having an issue.”
“I work nights.”
“I come back home around 6:30 am and then go to bed.”
“My husband is usually up, so I make him a coffee/ breakfast before I turn in.”
“Just something I like to do, more quality time before he heads to work.”
“I asked my son and Emily if they would also like coffee or breakfast before they go to work.”
“They said no to food but yes to coffee.”
“That was easy, and I just made two extra cups.”
“I asked them to tell me if they want me to change how to make their coffee.”
“I thought they would just tell me, use this cream, or if they had a preference on a blend.”
“Emily texted me last night and said she left instructions for the coffee.”
“This morning I came home to very detailed instructions on how to make a complex coffee.”
“It was like a Starbucks drink, she wanted foamed milk on top, different syrups, a specific coffee bean (ground fresh), and a different brewing method (we have a drip coffee machine).”
“Most of the stuff is on the counter.”
“I decided I wasn’t doing that and just made the normal coffee. “
“Emily wasn’t happy, and we got into an argument before she went to work.”
“I basically told her I am not a Starbucks barista and I am not going all that.”
“She told me I shouldn’t have offered in the first place if I wouldn’t make the coffee to her liking.”
“We left on a sour note.”
“I have been getting texts from my son about not being hospitable, so I am having trouble sleeping at the moment.”
“Should I just make the coffee?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“If your son’s doubling down like that, it sounds like it’s time for him and his entitled wife to seek new accommodations.” ~ stroppo
“Keep ignoring your son’s wife’s ridiculous demands.”
“His wife can prepare her coffee the way she wants on her way out.”
“Tell your son if they want to be waited on, go to a f**king hotel.”
“Send them each and every comment and reaction from this post so they can see how ridiculously entitled they are being after being allowed to stay for free in your home.”
“They are the ones who should have your coffee ready when you get home from work.”
“NTA NTA NTA NTA!” ~ _A-Q
“Opening your home to your family in need is awesome.”
“Offering to make breakfast/coffee is EXTREMELY hospitable.”
“DIL asking for (literal) gourmet custom order shop quality coffee is absurd and absolutely taking advantage of your hospitality.”
“Son and DIL pushing back WHILE benefitting from your kindness… over an issue about custom order coffee should be a quick ‘well you make your own coffee then, because I don’t have the time to do all that.'”
“If THAT escalates, I would be asking them to find other living accommodations as you offered to make simple coffee out of kindness, and you absolutely didn’t expect an order a deranged coffee mom would ask for at Starbucks during rush hour.” ~ UnicronSaidNo
“I know Reddit is quick to take one matter of disrespect or disagreement to the extreme, but seriously, you want her to kick her son and daughter out for an argument over coffee.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“OP, just have a conversation like an adult with them.”
“Tell them you are willing to go out of your way for them (like offering to make them a coffee and a roof over their head, like you’ve done), but that there’s a limit to that.”
“They are living with you, for free, and while you offered to make coffee, you didn’t expect a huge deviation from your routine to accomplish that.”
“You have been hospitable, and surely your son can understand that spending an extended period of time making a coffee drink that you’re not accustomed to making is a bit much of an ask.” ~ rholdenl
“Yeah, it’s not a kick-out offense at this point, but it’s not really about the coffee.”
“OP is coming in clutch for them at a time when they’re in need.”
“She shouldn’t feel disrespected in her own home and have to walk on eggshells to avoid further conflicts.”
“I think a lot depends on the outcome of the next discussion with son and DIL.”
“Maybe they are just stressed out over the water damage, and DIL offers a genuine apology, and they can move past it.”
“Or they might double down on the coffee nonsense, in which case it’s probably best for them to find other arrangements.”
“The DIL’s expectation that OP should make complex drinks, to say nothing of the follow-up reaction, is really odd to say the least.” ~ Azrou
“Yeah NTA.”
“The most ‘I can make you coffee’ I’d ever accept from somebody is them adding another scoop of grounds and more water to the pot so there would be brewed coffee for me.”
“Anything I put in I’ll do myself.”
“Nothing where the sugar is if it can’t be left on the counter is good, but full barista fancy drinks?”
“Not unless you specifically offer, and even then, I would assume it to be a one-time offer.”
“I even stayed with my own father, and when he asked if I wanted coffee, I said ‘yes, please, you can pour a cup and I’ll add stuff.'”
“He already made a pot.” ~ Dramallamakuzco
“WTF. If someone asks you how you like your coffee, your options are milk/no milk, sugar/no sugar, strong/weak/middling, and maybe ‘can I have a big cup?'”
“And if the person making you coffee just finished a night shift?”
“AND they are putting you up for free?”
“NTA, but they are so much so.” ~ Cevanne46
“NTA. The social contract for asking someone how they like their coffee goes like this: black or milk?”
“How much?”
“Sugar or not?”
“Maybe if you have different milk options.”
“That is it.”
“Your DIL should be embarrassed for asking you to make such a ridiculous drink.” ~ angelaelle
“NTA. Damn, she is entitled as hell.”
“Just say you have made a pot, and she can bedazzle it up herself.” ~ GalacticCmdr
“NTA. Just continue your routine.”
“Give the coffee instructions to your son and tell him to clean up after himself when he makes his wife’s coffee.” ~ Jesiplayssims
“What type of guest would be so brazen as to ask for that sort of drink?”
“It was kind enough as it was to even offer, but she can get her own now.”
“Your son needs to get a grip if he thinks that it is reasonable for her to argue with his mother about something like this.”
“I could NEVER! NTA!” ~ Inevitable-Something
“NTA and Emily definitely is.”
“You offered a normal, I’m the host, happy to make you coffee in the morning, do you prefer 2% or whole milk?”
“Emily has ridiculous expectations and seems very entitled. “
“I would be mortified if my husband acted like that with my mom, and doubled down and had an argument about it, while we were guests in their home.”
“I would tell your son that maybe he would feel more comfortable in a hotel, where they are more likely to get Emily’s ridiculous coffee order right.” ~ Spiritual_Truth_5152
“NTA. Do not make coffee for either one of them again.”
“Keep to your morning routine with your husband.”
“Your son and DIL should be going out of their way to make sure your routine is disrupted as little as possible.” ~ Expensive_Excuse_597
“Does your son know the full extent of the request you turned down?”
“Or is he upset because you ‘just didn’t make DIL’s coffee?'”
“It sounds like DIL texted/called him saying, ‘your mom asked how I like my coffee, now she’s refusing to make me coffee wtf?’ without any further explanation.”
“I personally would have sent him a screenshot/photo of her Starbucks order and then taken my a** to bed.”
“You’re NTA.”
“Your DIL is a brat.” ~ Not-sure-here
“No. There is nothing more to discuss after telling her you are not a Starbucks barista.”
“You are lovely for doing something nice for your husband every morning.”
“You tried to be kind to your guests, but they were asking for more than you had to offer.”
“No is a full sentence.”
“Your DIL and son should have some respect for their host.”
“Perhaps you can ask both of them to make you that coffee in your kitchen because now you would like to try it.” ~ GrandEmergency8076
“NTA, talk about entitlement.”
“Give me a cup of coffee with a little bit of creamer, and I would be grateful. If she wants a complicated drink, she can get it from Starbucks or make it herself.”
“This is an example of giving an inch and taking a mile.” ~ SnooSprouts6437
“I’d have left her a list of hotels and Starbucks locations. NTA.” ~ Ok_Stable7501
Well, OP, Reddit is “brewin'” for ya.
Your DIL’s behavior is outrageous.
And there are no words for your son.
This is entitlement at its rudest.
It’s simple… they can make their coffee or find the door.
Good luck.