Most of us want to always try to accommodate our friends’ and family’s dietary restrictions as best we can. But sometimes those demands can go way too far.
A woman on Reddit found herself in this dilemma when her fiancé’s family demanded she plan her wedding menu to be entirely vegan just to satisfy her future sister-in-law.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Afraid-Actuator9341 on the site, wasn’t sure about how to handle things, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
OP asked:
“AITA for not having my wedding to be all vegan?”
She explained:
“I(26F[emale]) and my fiance(28M[ale]) are getting married in January 2022. We have everything planned like music, food, desert, drinks and who will be attending. Our food choice will be between chicken or steak, with a salad to start.”
“We thought it would be a fun idea for those that do not want cake to have a make your own sundae station. My fiance has a sister(24F) that is a vegan. When we first met and got to know one another, I was open to trying vegan restaurants.”
“Well, when I would suggest a restaurant that had vegan options, she would decline. She is the only vegan guest that will be attending the wedding.”
“We let her choose a dish that she wanted to have for the wedding and ice cream that is vegan friendly. Well, future MIL and FIL called my fiance and suggested maybe changing the menu to all vegan. He went nuts and told them no, he was not going to change the menu because of his sister.”
“His sister started texting and blaming me for being controlling and manipulative. His parents are now thinking about not helping with the wedding and leaving it to us and my family. Fiance thinks they are being unfair and is not speaking to them.”
“AITA for not having my wedding to be all vegan?”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who’s in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
As you might guess, they didn’t have much time for OP’s future in-laws’ demands.
“NTA. Why the hell should your entire menu be vegan when only one vegan is attending? That’s an outrageous request. SIL can have an all-vegan menu at her own damn wedding.” —lihzee
“NTA. What is wrong with these people? Kudos to your fiancée for having the appropriate reaction.” —Greenc0c0nut
“As a ‘militant’ vegan of 10 years and someone who had a fully vegan wedding myself, obviously I wish all food was vegan. But I would never demand/expect it it. I live in a SUPER vegan friendly area and even then I would be THRILLED if someone made the accommodations OP is making for her SIL.” —anonusername12345
“Entitled, isn’t she? Tell her to eff off and either take her meal being vegan or don’t bother showing up at all. It’s not her wedding, she doesn’t get ro decide the menu, FFS. When it’s her time to get married (supposing she can find someone who will put up with her BS), then she can decide whatever.” —cbaggio81
“The fact that she’s willing to accommodate her by letting her have her own special dish and vegan ice cream just for her is more than enough and is a really nice gesture.” —iamthedevilfrank
“When it comes time for her wedding, you should request that the full menu be non-vegan to accommodate your diet” —dragonpunky539
“NTA”
“Your SIL is a prime example of why people can’t stand vegans”
“Tell her and FMIL they are welcome to skip the wedding if they really wanna lose family over one meal (that you gave her vegan options for!)” —MotherOfCrotchFruit
“As a 15+ year vegetarian, NTA and holy sh*t is that some entitled, self centered sh*t to think the whole wedding should be vegan for one person. That’s fu*king ridiculous.” —yoloxolo
“The only time a whole wedding should be vegan for 1 person is if that person is the bride or groom.” —bluerose1197
“Exactly this. When I was vegetarian, I was ALWAYS accommodated at weddings. I never expected the wedding to be completely vegetarian just because I made that diet choice!”
“Can you imagine if everyone expected the entire menu to reflect their own diet? Gluten free, vegan, allergies to this or that or the other thing? There would be NO food” —Tayloren52
“NTA – But your fiancé needs to sit everyone down in a room together. This game of phone and text tag leaves room for interpretation and favoritism.”
“He needs to get his sister in a room with the parents and let them know that them threatening to pull financial support over your sister demanding an all vegan menu for YOUR wedding is absolutely ludicrous, and the person who is being controlling and manipulative here isn’t you, it’s future SIL.”
“You have already accommodated the person who has an aberrant diet, there is no problem other than your sister does not want to eat among people who eat meat. She is free not to leave her home if the way that other people live offends her.” —KittyKittyMuffinPie
“Honestly, this sounds less like a case of telephone and more a case of the SIL being the golden child. (It doesn’t sounds like there was any miscommunication – only AHery.)”
“The parents were wrong to even ask their son to change the entire menu for his sister (especially since she had already been accomodated). And, they walked firmly and strongly into AH territory by threatening to pull support if the daughter didn’t get her way.”
“Sadly, in this scenario, you may need to find a way to fund the wedding entirely and let the parents know that they have no power or control over you.” —Electrical-Date3951
“NTA.”
“So just so sum up: your sister is making the insane demand that her vegan lifestyle takes precedence over everyone else’s wants and needs, during your wedding, and she’s calling YOU manipulative?”
“Is everyone else who wants to eat non-vegan food just fu*ked, including the bride and groom, while she gets every dish modified for her personal tastes?”
“Lol no, she’s out of her whole damn mind.” —Legitimate_Essay_221
Hopefully OP and her fiancé can find a way through this conflict with their family.