We like to imagine families as being unified groups where everyone loves each other and looks out for each other.
But unfortunately, some families are not built that way, cringed the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor TahliaTryst had always been looked down upon by her family as the less-than-perfect daughter, since her older sister was the one who got straight-As and had a nice job, among other major milestones.
When her sister openly called her “the family failure” in front of everyone and the whole family laughed, the Original Poster (OP) couldn’t take anymore.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to go on a family trip after my sister called me ‘the family failure’?”
The OP and her sister took very different paths in life.
“I (25 Female) have always had a bit of a rocky relationship with my older sister (27 Female).”
“She’s always been the ‘golden child’ in our family. She got straight A’s, has a great job, is married with kids, you get the idea.”
“Meanwhile, I took a different path. I struggled through college, jumped between jobs, and I’m currently working a retail job while trying to figure out my career. Not perfect, but I’m doing my best.”
The OP’s sister regularly shamed her, but the most recent time was the last straw.
“Last week, we had a family dinner where my parents announced they wanted to take the whole family on a vacation to celebrate their anniversary.”
“It sounded nice until my sister started joking about how she hoped I could actually afford to take time off.”
“She then followed it up by saying, ‘It’s okay, we all know you’re the family failure, but at least you’re fun to have around.'”
“Everyone laughed. I awkwardly smiled, but inside, I was done. This isn’t the first time she’s made comments like that, but it hit differently this time.”
The OP decided she didn’t want to be a part of the celebration.
“After the dinner, I told my parents I wasn’t comfortable going on the trip.”
“They tried to brush it off, saying my sister was ‘just joking,’ but I told them I was tired of being disrespected.”
“Now my whole family is upset with me.”
“My sister texted me, saying that I was being ‘dramatic’ and that I was ruining the trip for everyone.”
“My parents said they understood that I was hurt by what she said but that I should come and ‘not let her get to me.'”
“I really don’t want to go and have to be around her, but now I feel guilty for upsetting everyone.”
“AITAH for saying no to the trip?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some empathized with the OP and understood how hurtful these comments were.
“Speaking as a person who has a sister just like OP’s and has had a lifetime of this kind of stuff, I would call it more than hurtful and actually cruel.”
“Her parents don’t seem to have any sensitivity to how this feels to OP, and, in raising their other daughter, should have shut down that crap by the age of 10. Yet it goes on. That requires neglect of a sick, unkind sister to another.”
“It’s a full family problem, not just between the sisters. If I were the OP, I would go low contact, if not no contact, with the entire family after talking to her parents about their responsibility in allowing this nonsense.” – Agile_Menu_9776
“OP, put your family on tiiiiime outtttt. You said everyone laughed, and no one stood up for you. That’s not family that’s you being used as the punching bag.”
“You tried talking it out with your parents and they didn’t actually hear you. So just mute all their messages or if you’re feeling bold, block them.”
“I would be done with my family if they disrespect me. It’s okay to be hurt, it’s 100% valid. Take the time to give yourself peace of mind.” – jaywild
“NTA. As others said, you need to set some serious boundaries with consequences. And this is one of them. If you bend, this will continue happening.”
“You’re not the one ruining the trip. Your sister did. I’d have a serious sit down with your sister. Explain how you’re feeling and how you will not be around her anymore while this keeps happening, and that includes being around her on a family trip. If she truly gets it and wholeheartedly apologizes, then I’d go on the trip.”
“Your sister may be ‘successful,’ but she clearly hasn’t matured beyond her sibling rivalry and teenage years.” – PilotoPlayero
“NTA, OP. There’s no way I’m taking valuable time out of my life simply to be stuck traveling with a passive-aggressive jerk and her two unsupportive enablers. Life’s too short to be miserable just so they can take family photos in front of a waterfall or on a beach.” – Organized_Khaos
“It’s very telling that OP’s parents are expecting her to be the bigger person rather than expecting their golden child to act like a decent human being.” – IllustriousAd3002
Others encouraged the OP to reply to her sister with the same energy she’d been given.
“Don’t go. Tell your sister at least you are not the ‘family AH.’ She has that covered.” – Dresden_Mouse
“NTA. OP, if this has been going on for a while like this, the only thing I can tell you is it’s time to stop being polite. It sounds like they mistake your politeness for passiveness, and I can see why.”
“That’s why they continue to make these comments. You’ve taken the first step, opting out of the family trip to protect your piece, but going forward, you need to start being more forceful and direct.”
“It’s like you’re trying to be a gentle parent. Gentle parenting only works on gentle kids. Your sister’s not a gentle person. She’s a hard learner who only learns the hard way. Therefore, you need to be a hard a** right back.” – cgm824
“What’s really sickening thing about it and about people like the sister, is that she said it ONLY to hurt her sister and for no other reason. I hope OP realizes that and stops all contact.” – No_Name370
“Dish it right back. She is making herself feel better at your expense. Me thinks all is not great in her world.”
“Ask her what is wrong in her life that she would say something so mean and try to pass it off as a joke. Kind of a bless-you-heart response.”
“When she hits back, roll your eyes and say whatever in front of everyone.”
“Do not go on the trip. Set rules. Good for you.” – daisyiris
“NTA. It is time to return her energy. Call her out for acting like an AH. Tell her how you feel sorry for her, and she must have a miserable existence. Otherwise, why would she pick at you?”
“Do it in front of your family. Do it every time you are forced to be around her. Make her cry if you can. Then laugh at her for being an overly sensitive b***h.”
“We had a saying when I was a kid… don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.”
“If your parents and the rest of your family come after you and demand that you apologize, laugh at them, too. Tell them they turned their golden child into a bully, and you are done participating as the punching bag.”
“Block them until they are willing to try to improve their relationship with you. Hopefully, you have good friends to act as a family.” – Acrobatic_Reality103
“Tell her, ‘I can change my situation, but sadly dear sister, you can’t change your personality.'”
“Rinse and repeat every time she makes her s**tty comments. When they tell you that you’re being dramatic, tell them that you’ve decided to stop surrounding yourself with people who have s**tty personalities to protect your peace.”
“NTA. I wouldn’t want to be around her, either.” – cryssylee90
“I like the idea of the OP speaking up for herself, but I wish there was another way to stand up for herself. Why do the AHs in our lives always win?”
“She insults her sister AND gets to go on an expense-paid family holiday. OP stands up for herself and misses out on a vacation she probably could use and couldn’t afford on her own.”
“(I’m not saying she should go but just that it’s unfair. Sister would find a way to ruin the trip for her somehow I’m sure.)” – Neweleni7
A few things feel worse than having a family that does not support you, and it was clear that it was time for the OP to set firmer boundaries with her family for her own sake, starting with this trip.
If the sister couldn’t speak more kindly to the OP, and if the family could not stand up for the OP when they needed her, it was clear she needed to prioritize herself and create distance between herself and all the negativity.