One of the toughest challenges facing an engaged couple is who to invite to a wedding or engagement party.
That is something Redditor throwaway878293 is facing after she brought up a concern that has been bothering her recently.
When she told her fiancé how she felt, he did not take it very well.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my fiancé he cant bring his friends to our engagement party because they make fun of my weight?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m a bigger girl, and it’s not something that really bothers me but I have been in the process of losing weight for health reasons (down 30 lbs so far).”
“Anyways, my boyfriend’s friends LOVE very skinny women, I’m talking victoria secret model skinny.”
“This is obviously not my concern but lately I’ve been seeing that in the groupchat they have together they are always ‘making fun’ of my boyfriend for being attracted to bigger girls.”
“They send him pictures of women that are 400+ pounds (I’m nowhere near that). And say rude comments. They say that his type is ‘whale’, he likes girls who have ‘mcdonalds in their blood’. He doesn’t engage in it and just ignores it but lately it’s been getting on my nerves.”
“We just got engaged and are having a small get together and I told him I dont feel comfortable with these people (his friends) around me when I know what they think of me and the nasty things they say about me and my body.”
“One of them I consider a racist ever since he said ‘black culture makes people think fat is okay’. I’ve already met his friends and in their defence they have been nothing but sweet to me.”
“He’s mad that I basically told him he cant bring his closest friends to something this important to him. I told him to think about how it makes me feel to know what these people really think of me and have them in our home pretending to be nice.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors defended the OP with their NTA judgments.
“Uh what! His friends are huge a**holes and your bf won’t even defend or stand up for you? He lets them treat you like sh*t!”
“NTA but you should really reconsider marrying someone who doesn’t have your back and accepts that kinda crap.” – liarslittlepretty
“NTA I went through this, my ex bf’s friends calling him a saint because I was overweight and he used to proudly tell me about these remarks and that he told them he didn’t care. Thanks bud!”
“Except he was lapping up the compliments which were insults against me and then telling me to undermine my confidence so I didn’t leave him. It was abusive and manipulative.”
“If your bf is even discussing your appearance with his friends instead of clearly telling them to f’k off for even bringing it up, and that he wants nothing to do with people who think your worth is based on your weight you need to get rid of HIM, not his friends.”
“By not engaging, by saying nothing, he is absolutely giving them the green light to continue. And if he knows you can see him saying nothing then he is mentally abusing you, playing mind games and making you doubt yourself.”
“Get rid of him now, before it’s too late and find someone who has your back always.”
“Edited to send hugs, it’s an awful situation to be in, but you will survive this and find someone better. x” – Psychological-Pie938
“If he bucks at this, he’s going to be bringing these people to your home when you marry.”
“Take seriously the situation if he cannot take your concerns seriously, now. It’ll save you a lot of heartbreak (and on this, I speak from experience).”
“NTA.” – DelightfulAbsurdity
“But the friends aren’t your real problem. It is disgusting that he allows these people to say this sh*t about you and still calls them friends.”
“’Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.’ ‘In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.’ – Martin Luther King Jr.”
“His silence is the same as his complicity. You deserve better.” – ScubaCC
“NTA for not wanting his friends there. While they may be nice to your face— with the exception of the friend who made the ‘black culture’ comment which also deserves unpacking— your fiancé’s friends have the unfortunate attitude of being unable to respect any woman they don’t also want to have sex with.”
“It’s a disgusting way to view the world, it’s a disgusting way to act, and I don’t blame you for not wanting them around.”
“But you deserve better than a fiancé who sees nothing wrong with his friends making fatphobic jokes about you— and I guarantee those jokes are about you, even if your name isn’t mentioned.”
“Your fiancé is excusing these jokes at your expense, and defending a guy who makes racist comments to defend his poor behavior is an even worse look.”
“The company your fiancé keeps says a lot about what kind of man he is. It’s up to you whether that’s the kind of man you want to keep around.” – Beautiful-Outside646
“Your boyfriend is allowing his friends to actively disrespect the woman that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Whether he engages or not is irrelevant. He needs to grow up and acknowledge that his silence is at your expense.”
“It is not fair of him to expect you to be ok with people who are actively hurting you, by talking about you in an ignorant and racist manner, attending your celebration and entering your home.”
“He should have stood up for you long ago. NTA.” – WirelessThingy
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation. Most importantly, they strongly advised her to reconsider the person with whom she was planning to walk down the aisle.
Redditor mapleleafs_xoxo was blunter than others in the thread in expressing this.
“Girl don’t marry this clown.”