Moving in with a partner is always an adjustment.
Both personally, as you may now be sharing a space that you weren't previously, and of course, financially.
Most of the time, couples tend to make things easy and split household expenses evenly.
When one household expense is predominantly owned or used by one half of the couple, the other half might not be quite so amenable to meeting in the middle.
When Redditor soiledmyplantz moved in with their boyfriend, he brought an unwanted expense with him.
An expense that recently skyrocketed after a medical emergency.
While the OP's boyfriend expected them to split the hefty price tag that came with this emergency, the OP remained firm that this was something their boyfriend needed to take care of himself.
After getting a cold shoulder from their boyfriend, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to split vet costs with my boyfriend?"
The OP explained why they firmly declined to go Dutch on a recent bill:
"My boyfriend and I live together and when he moved in, he brought his cat with him."
"Prior to this, I have always been a pet-free household."
"Recently, the cat got sick and had to receive emergency veterinary care, which totaled around $1,800."
"My boyfriend asked if I’d split this cost with him, and I said 'absolutely not'."
"He’s very frustrated with me because he feels that since we live together and have shared duties, this should naturally occur."
"I reminded him that I deliberately chose to have a pet free life because I don’t like the mess, I don’t want the responsibility, and I don’t want the financial burden."
"I reminded him that this is his cat, it just happens to live in my house."
"His argument is that it’s 'our' cat, so responsibility should be shared."
"He’s also frustrated because he’s trying to pay for grad school and I’m finished with school, so I have significantly more disposable income to spare."
"Still, I didn’t choose to get a cat."
"I’ve doubled down and said that it’s not my cat, I never wanted a cat, and the only reason the cat lives with me is because my boyfriend also lives with me."
"I refuse to split any vet costs and had we not been together, this would be entirely his responsibility."
"The cat is fine now. It received care and is home safe and healthy."
"My bf has a goal to graduate debt free, so he chooses to spend all of his extra money on school."
"He’s not struggling financially."
"He also pays $500/mo for all living expenses (housing, utilities, groceries, streaming, wifi, etc.)"
"The vet offers financing, but my by chooses not to do so because he doesn’t want to be in debt."
"My boyfriend is a bartender so he could easily pick up a couple extra shifts to make the $1800 but would rather not."
"Something I cannot do."
"AITA here?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to pay half of the vet bill.
While pretty much everyone agreed that the OP should not have felt obligated to contribute to the vet bill, they also all wondered if their boyfriend's cat might prove to be an insurmountable hurdle in their relationship:
"NTA."
"But are you compatible?"
"Do you expect to be pet free again because it's unlikely your BF will want a pet free lifestyle if he has a cat now."
"You need to have a open conversation about how to proceed in the future."- RoutineActivity9536
"NTA."
"But if I was the bf I would move out, you clearly don’t like animals, which is your choice, but he is a cat lover and he’s not going to change either."- Notahappygardener
"NTA."
"MY Boyfriend has grown to love my cats.
"Still, any money I've received from him for vet bills or cat anything has been a loan."
"The one exception is he split the cost for a litter robot with me because they are expensive and he really wanted us to have one."-Hatameiwaku
"NTA."
"Caveat that I’m assuming the emergency vet visit was not a result of a mistake you made, like giving the cat something that made it sick, etc."- Mother_of_Crows
"NTA."
"But you do sound a little unsympathetic."
"You guys should have had a discussion about this before moving in together so both of you were on the same page about emergency cat care costs."- h8d7
"NTA about cat expenses."
"However...how are you splitting shared expenses like rent, utilities, groceries?"
"If you 2 have a significant disparity in income, a fair way to split shared expenses is pro rata according to income."
"That way the lower income partner isn't going broke keeping up with the other person's standard of living."- Top-Entertainer2546
"As a cat person, I can say, you are clearly NTA."
"Your argument is solid and on point."
"It was his cat before, he chose to have it, he pays for it."
"Period."- GlitteringRainbowCat
"NTA, he cant one sidedly decide its a shares cat just because you live together."
"if you guys broke up, he would 100% say it was his cat and take it with him."- GenuineSteak
"Here’s my question, if y’all split, would he take the cat with him or would you have a custody arrangement?"
"If it’s no question he’d take the cat, then the bill is his alone."
"NTA."- LKayRB
"NTA but you guys seem incompatible."
"He shouldn’t demand or expect any kind of compensation from you because it’s not your cat, never has been."
"I understand you wrote this in frustration but he’s probably having a hard time too and as his partner, I think you can be sympathetic towards that without being financially responsible for it."- MadGearMissile_Kid
"NTA."
"Not your pet not your responsibility."
"The BF can do 6 mo no interest with many medical credit cards."- FXRCowgirl
"NTA."
"And it's weird he asked but maybe y'all should find people who align with your values instead."- Grand_Soupa
"NTA."
"Signed, an animal lover."- ridgey143
"NTA."
"That is his cat that he should be providing medical care for."
"If you broke up tomorrow, he would take.the cat with him."
"It's his."
"Unless you did something that directly contributed to his cat's illness, that is not your financial burden."- Spare-Shirt24
"NTA."
"It’s a little weird he thinks you should pay for his pet."
"I wouldn’t even expect a man to pay for my kids stuff if not the father but we were together."
"With a pet comes responsibility!"
"It’s not cheap even when healthy."- Warm-Statistician545
"Even if you actually wanted a pet, if you broke up the pet would go with him."
"Not your responsibility."
"NTA."- crasho7
"NTA."
"It is not a joint pet."
"When/if you guys break up he will take the cat not you."
"It would be different if you had both chosen the cat together and were both on the adoption paperwork, vet records and microchip."
"But you are not."
"Only he is on all of that."
"Therefore this is 100% his cost to absorb."- Both-Mud-4362
"NTA."
"I say this as a cat owner."
"I took on the responsibilities of caring for my cat."
"It’s up to me to be responsible for his needs."- nerdyguytx
"NTA."
"But I'd stop and wonder if you were actually compatible or if that kind of budgeting at your expense is the future you signed up for."- SKerri13
"NTA."
"Boyfriend’s cat, his responsibility."- galaxius00
"NTA, not your cat."
"It would be different if you two got a cat together - but you didn't, and you're not an a**hole."- Hiply
"As a life long cat rescuer you're NTA."
"People not taking responsibility for their pets are the reason theres so many in need of help, he should have had money set aside for any care she may need anyway."- urlocalburden
There were a few, however, who felt it wasn't so unreasonable for the OP's boyfriend to expect the OP to split the cost of the vet bill, even if they still agreed that the OP did nothing wrong by refusing to pay:
"NAH, but I think you need to take stock of your entire relationship."
"Do you expect financial help from him if, say, your car breaks down, or you need something?"
"People can and do break up over stuff like this."- Hereforthelaughs1234
"NAH."
"You’re technically right but this doesn’t bode well for the future of the relationship lol."- xzdn
It's understandable why the OP would be as frustrated as they are regarding the medical bill.
That being said, there is every chance that this will only be the first of many issues this cat causes between the OP and their boyfriend.
Leading one to wonder if the Reddit community is correct, and the OP might be better off with a cat-free boyfriend, and their boyfriend set his sights on a fellow cat lover.
