It's never fun to find yourself in a tense situation.
Particularly, a tense situation involving your family.
Hoping the moment might pass, or at least not get worse, many people choose to remain silent when this happens and try not to make it seem they have sided with one particular person.
Even if some of the others present might not appreciate their silence.
Redditor Smart_Lavishness_225 recently paid a visit with their wife to her sister and brother-in-law (BIL)'s home.
While there, the original poster (OP)'s BIL made some less-than-kind remarks.
Choosing to avoid conflict, the OP chose to stay silent.
Resulting in them getting the silent treatment from their wife on the way home.
Wondering if they did anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA For Not Backing my wife up after my BIL called her a bad parent?"
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds after a family visit:
"My wife and I are both 41, and have an 11 year old daughter and an 8 year old son."
"Our daughter plays basketball (travel) and our son plays flag football in the spring, which is recreational."
"My wife is not the type of parent who organizes our lives around an 8 and 11 year olds sports schedule and I agree with her on that."
"We refuse to let youth sports take over all our lives, even if vacations and stuff conflict with that."
"A couple weeks ago, we were visiting my wife’s sister and her husband for Memorial Day."
"They live a state over, so we left on Sunday."
"My wife and I and my in laws were talking, and my BIL asked about our son’s sports."
"At some point, my wife said that we missed our son’s practice to come over."
"My BIL kind of started grolling me wife after, saying that she's not teaching him to be part of a team, being lazy, being a bad parent, etc."
"I overheard, but didn’t retort because I didn’t see the point."
"When we were driving home the following day, my wife asked me why I didn’t back her up."
"I thought she forgot about that, and i tried to reason with Her that she knows I agree with her, so I didn't Have to play sidekick in that situation."
"She didn’t like my reasoning and didn’t talk to anyone but the kids for the rest of the car ride, basically pretending I wasn’t even there."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no support from the Reddit community, who were in agreement that the OP was, indeed, the a**Hole for not coming to his wife's defense.
Everyone agreed that no one should remain silent when their spouse, or anyone close to them, is referred to as a "bad parent", and felt the OP's wife was more than justified in being angry:
"Didn’t see the point of having your wife’s back while she was being insulted for choices you made together?"
"YTA."- abessn
"YTA."
"If you as a couple made the choice to not let kids activities run your lives, you need to both own up to that."
"And even if it was just her choice, why would you let your BIL grill her like that?"
"You need to stand up for your partner in situations like this."- eeemf
"Your BIL called your wife a bad parent in front of you, her, and your sister? "
"And you didn’t say anything?"
"YTA"- Skid_kennels
"YTA."
"You wouldn't have been playing sidekick, you would have been playing partner."
"Instead you left her to deal with it alone."
"Its a joint decision- I would be bummed if my husband was mum in that circumstance."- brigiliz
"YTA."
"A simple 'That's a decision we made together' would show support."
"Or maybe, 'We think it is important to balance our kids schedules because family time is also important in addition to sports'."- kw5112
"YTA."
"Someone calls your wife a bad parent in front of you, you correct them."
"Loudly."- Eugenides
"YTA."
"Completely."
"How long have you been married?"
"I’m amazed that you haven’t figured out that you’re part of a team and, if it's something you have BOTH agreed on, don’t let your wife be the bad guy."- Dingbats_are_cute
"YTA and an absolute bump on a pickle."
"Just absolutely useless for anything other than looks."- Independent_Peak8500
"I was ready to come in here and read you explaining how your wife is in fact a bad parent, and so you actually agreed with your brother-in-law and couldn’t honestly defend her."
"Instead it’s just you being either too selfish or too cowardly to step in a defend your wife against an attack on something you not only agree with, but share equal responsibility for."
"Absolutely wild that you don’t see how YTA."
"I really hope this is fiction."- chronberries
"YTA, friend. It’s not about agreeing."
"It’s about supporting."
"If someone is giving your partner a hard time, a good partner intercedes."- JustNeedSpinda
"YTA."
"wtf?"- Berry_goose
"YTA."
"You and your wife are supposed to be a team and that means sticking up for each other, especially when it's about a decision you both made together."- ScaryLove6945
"YTA, why are you just letting this guy have a go at your wife about nothing?"- Limp-Work9859
"YTA."
"If I heard someone insulting my husband, I'd be defending him loudly."
"I feel bad for your wife."
"Why didn't you defend her?"- peakerforlife
"YTA."
"You let him go after your wife for a joint decision."- as_per_danielle
"YTA."
"You're supposed to be a team, aren't you?"
"Of course she's pissed at you for not backing her up."- glutenisnotmyfriend
'So it's a shared stance and you allowed some one to get mad at only her instead of taking a shared front."
"YTA."- Travelgal96
"YTA."
"if someone is wrongly insulting your spouse, to step in."- kupo_moogle
"YTA."
"Also, does your brother in law intimidate you?"
"You need to apologize and have your wife’s back."- BeeinCV
"Holy hell."
"YTA."
"Double for typing all of that out and STILL questioning if you are the a**hole."
"You agree with her and allowed her to be called a bad parent by someone who has no business interfering."
"You realize that if he thinks she is a bad parent you are as well."
"Also, why the F is she the only one taking the heat for this?"
"I think you are so removed as a parent even others realize you are absent and she is primary parent and you are just along in name and title only."
"You are an asshole on soooo many levels here."- Corgi_Cats_Coffee
"YTA."
"You should have had your wife's back."
"You both agreed that youth sports wouldn't dictate your lives; but when BIL called your wife a bad parent over it, you were silent."
"You're supposed to be a team!"- Consistent-Leopard71
"YTA."
"Not only did you not back her up, you treated the situation like she is the only one who makes parenting decisions, thereby letting yourself completely off the hook."
"You’re their parent too, so take ownership of the decisions you make together."
"And stand up for your wife, for crying out loud."
"It’s not that hard."- SallySpandex
"YTA."
"Silence is assent in situations like this."
"You signaled to everyone that you agree with BIL's assessment and that she's a bad parent."
"You agree with her stance, so be a united front and tell him this is what works for your family."
"I know it's low stakes but defend her."
"Show her you have her back."
"Btw, BIL is an ah too."
"Family time is important and missing the odd practice is not going to ruin an 11 year old's chances at a college scholarship or a career in the NFL."
"Still it would've been nice for your wife's family to hear that from you."- thimbleful_of_f*cks
"YTA."
"You both made the decision about not prioritizing sports over family time."
"You needed to back her up by explaining your reasons."- Antique-Ad-8776
"I didn’t even have to finish reading."
"But did."
"YTA."
"Why didn’t you back her up?"
"Honestly if I was her I’d be mad at you and her sister for letting him talk to her that way."
"It’s not his business what decisions you guys make as a family."
"Also you make them as a family… which means you should have her back."- MissMotherChucker
Upon reading everything the Reddit community had to say, the OP returned with a response:
"Holy SH*T you guys."
"Post is 20hrs old, I’m literally at my hair appointment and you guys are STILL getting on my case."
"What the f*ck?
The OP clearly didn't seem to understand how their behavior hurt their wife.
Based on their response, they clearly still don't.
One can only hope they realize the error of their ways, otherwise it's safe to say their wife won't be their wife for much longer.
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