Most parents will do anything to protect their children.
From the tiniest of issues to great problems, they will stand in the way of anyone who inflicts pain or discomfort of any kind.
Of course, most wouldn’t fathom that person would be their very own mother.
A dad was furious after his mom tried to force his autistic son to eat foods he hates, making him cry in the process, so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor hy4lur0n1c_ asked:
AITA for walking out of my mom’s house after she forced my autistic son to eat food he hates?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m a single dad (32/M[ale]) to my 17-year-old son, Ronnie.”
“He’s autistic and has some pretty specific food sensitivities.”
“It’s not just that he doesn’t like certain foods, some textures are genuinely overwhelming for him.”
“Eggplant, asparagus, apples, and brussels sprouts are on his list of foods he just can’t handle, and I’ve always respected that.”
“My mom, on the other hand, doesn’t.”
“She’s never really taken the time to understand Ronnie’s needs and insists that he’s just being picky or difficult.”
“I’ve tried to explain it to her many times, but she doesn’t seem to take it seriously.”
“Recently, she invited us over for dinner. “
“She said it would be a nice family evening, and I figured we’d give it a shot.”
“When we got there, I immediately noticed that most of the dishes she’d prepared were things Ronnie struggles with.”
“It felt intentional, like she was trying to prove a point.”
“Ronnie was visibly uncomfortable but tried to stay polite.”
“I could tell he was trying his best to handle the situation, but eventually, it became too much for him.”
“He started tugging at his hair, something he does when he’s overwhelmed.”
“Instead of showing any understanding or compassion, my mom became upset with him for it.”
“At that point, I decided enough was enough.”
“I told her we were leaving and took Ronnie home.”
“He was really upset and told me how embarrassed and humiliated he felt.”
“It broke my heart.”
“Since then, my mom has been flooding my phone with angry messages, accusing Ronnie of being ungrateful and me of spoiling him.”
“She’s also posted about the situation on Facebook, calling us both disrespectful and making it seem like she was just trying to help.”
“Some family members think I should apologize to smooth things over, but I honestly don’t see why I should.”
“I feel like I did the right thing by putting Ronnie first, but with all the backlash, I’m starting to second-guess myself.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in and decided OP was not the a**hole (NTA) in the situation.
“NTA but it doesn’t seem like your mother has any respect for you as a fellow parent.”
“I’d start putting up some boundaries where you can.” – NotSureItsFunny
“Never, ever, EVER second guess, or apologize for putting your child’s needs first.”
“Not to your mom, and certainly not drama- glom family members on Facebook NTA, and your mom can go suck a butt.” – Cinderskella
“As a mom to 3 AuDHD kids & someone who has their own texture issues, to hell with your mom.”
“You are absolutely NTA you are your child’s advocate.”
“I praise you for removing your son from that situation.”
“Your mom was being a bully & very disrespectful.”
“Tell others to kiss your a**, you are the one owed an apology.” – FarlerFive
“NTA.”“NOPE.”
“I’m a very picky eater, and I’m not autistic.”
“When I moved out on my own I vowed to indulge my pickiness to the fullest and 30+ years later I still am.”
“NTA” – 74Magick
“NTA. Even if he just was being picky, he’s not obligated to eat her gross food.”
“Sounds like your mom is a pretty apathetic and idiotic person.”
“Also, why do boomers feel that need to share private family matters on Facebook?”
“Sorry Ronnie and you had to deal with that.”
“I would have loudly told Ronnie I’m taking him to his favorite fast food restaurant on the way out and flipped off my mom with a smile on my face.” – Big_Ant5209
“NTA.”
“Humiliating your son is not something a caring grandparent does. She’s supposed to be on his team.”
“He has enough pressure working against him in society.”
“She’s an ableist who has a strong streak of perpetual victimhood.”
“If she hasn’t figured this out by 17, she’s not going to figure it out.” – Ok_Routine9099
“NTA. Do you know food your mum hates?”
“I’d invite her to dinner and make her eat food she can’t stand.” – SurroundMiserable262
“I do not like eggplant. I never have. (I’m also ND but that’s neither here nor there).”
“Guess what. I have NEVER had to actually eat eggplant (or any of the other foods I don’t like or can’t handle).”
“Because I’m an adult and am perfectly capable of choosing my own meals, and of removing things I can’t eat when they are in meals and recipes I’m having for whatever reason.”
“So, I’m genuinely confused about how forcing someone to eat foods they don’t like (can’t tolerate) is helping. In what way?”
“What is the problem you are currently having that she is solving?”
“What is the future, definitely foreseeable problem she’s helping you avoid?”
“I’d ask her or anyone who comes at you for her to please explain those things.”
“I’d also ask them if there are foods, as adults, they don’t like and are they allowed to not like them or does someone force them to eat them?”
“Cause you and I both know no one is eating the liver and onions they don’t want to eat once they are full adults.”
“NTA. Time to put your mom in time out.” – LimitlessMegan
“‘It felt intentional'”
“That’s because it was.”
“She deliberately fixed dishes she knew he couldn’t handle, probably with the idea of forcing him to eat them.”
“Did she honestly think he was going to say, ‘OMG, I was wrong! These are delicious!’ and she’d pat herself on the back for this wonderful breakthrough?”
“No. That was pretty much aggression on her part.”
“She wanted him to have a bad time.”
“You’re NTA. I won’t print what I think she is.” – Senator_Bink
“NTA you never apologize for protecting your son, he is your top priority.”
“Your mum is damn right ignorant; she should accept what you say in regard to your son’s autism, his likes, dislikes, and triggers.”
“For the fact your son is 17 and puts it down to him being a picky eater shows how uneducated she is in regard to autism.”
“She should know better. She should do better.”
“Then to put it on social media, she’s playing the victim for her bad behavior” – Majestic_Bit_4784
“NTA. You made the right choice by standing up for your son and prioritizing his well-being.”
“Your mom’s behavior was not only inconsiderate but also disrespectful of Ronnie’s needs and the understanding you’ve tried to convey to her” – SadlyNervous
“Your mum is not a nice person. Forcing an autistic person like that can do real damage.”
“You did the right thing.”
“You should educate people about autism. It is not something that can be fixed. It is something you live with the best way you can.”
“Also, why force anyone to eat food they don’t like?”
“That is controlling behavior. It can even be abusive.”
“Anyone who tells you to apologize is someone you need to talk to about autism.”
“Also how this made your son feel.”
“NTA.” – HereWeGoAgain-1979
“My oldest is autistic, and my parents bent over backward to make sure they offered foods he could eat or buy him clothes with no tags, the way normal people act when they have a family member with sensory issues.”
“Your kid needs you to protect him and watch out for his best interests, and you did both.”
“You both went to her home with the best intentions, but your mother didn’t reciprocate.”
“She’s of that old mindset that if you just force the kid to eat something they ‘just don’t like,’ all of his ‘little problems’ are solved.”
“You’re NTA, but your mom sure is.”
“You did the right thing.” – cometshoney
“My sister and her husband decided to ‘starve’ my little ones because ‘if they get hungry enough they’ll eat what we made.'”
“My non-verbal son decided they were stupid and needed help and whomped the BIL with a jar of peanut butter to give him a clue.”
“I was so proud. (The kiddos were there for a morning so I could go to an appointment. My auntie was there and filled me in)”
“That was the last of many little things that got them cut out of my life.”
“I encourage my kids to try new things but what your mother did was inexcusable.”
“NTA and good job from one autism parent to another.” – DazzlingDoofus71
Redditors all agree that OP did the right thing by standing up to his mom and protecting his son.
Hopefully, he can find comfort in their messages as he continues to do what’s best for Ronnie.