Friendships are ever-changing relationships.
Even though you might meet someone who you think will be your best friend for the rest of your life, the passage of time might end up causing some unexpected distance.
Some friendships are so strong that no matter how much time is spent apart, it seems as if no time has passed at all when reuniting.
Other times, however, you might one day find yourself questioning why you were ever friends with someone in the first place.
Redditor SufficientFly5044 had recently reconnected with a friend from her high school days.
This resulted in the original poster (OP) inviting this friend to her bachelorette party.
Unfortunately, over the course of the party, the OP began to feel her bond with this friend grow weaker and weaker.
Resulting in rescinding another invitation.
Having some doubts about her decision, the OP took to the subreddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for uninviting someone from my wedding after she just spent $2k on my bachelorette?"
The OP explained how her high school friend became persona non grata at her wedding:
"I had my bachelorette party last month—an international trip with 13 girls."
"Most live in City 1, where I grew up but no longer reside."
"I now live in City 2, a short flight or 6-hour drive away."
"One of the girls, 'Rachel'," was a high school friend I reconnected with two years ago after getting engaged."
"She recently started dating someone new—he's in City 2 (my city), and she spent the entire trip FaceTiming him."
"At events, the club, the beach, the yacht, while getting ready, even in the shower."
"Worse, she dragged other girls into her calls, even though they barely knew her, let alone him."
"She also FaceTimed while people were changing or while she herself was fully nude."
"At one point, she got into an argument with her boyfriend and handed the phone to her roommate, Jamie—who had never met him—forcing her into the fight. Jamie, fed up, hung up and later asked to switch rooms."
"When she wasn't FaceTiming, she was talking about him nonstop."
"At dinner, she kept blurting out, 'I'm moving to City 2, we're gonna be neighbors!'"
"But when I asked about her kids, she vaguely said she'd fly or drive home every weekend."
"This is a mom of 2, with 2 different dads, moving for a boyfriend of 1 month."
"One night, during a private chef dinner, the power went out, and Rachel's phone died."
"Everyone withheld their portable chargers."
"She then booked a hotel on someone else's phone, packed her bags, and left to charge her phone."
"Mandy, being too nice, walked with her."
"On the way, Rachel suddenly desperately needed to call her kids—which was hilarious since she hadn't mentioned them once."
"Unfortunately, the power came back, so Rachel did too."
"Later, while we were playing bachelorette games, she blurted out racial slurs during Mad Libs."
"I snapped, and the room went silent."
"We had a shared photo album for group pics, Rachel uploaded hundreds of selfies, thirst traps, FaceTime screenshots, texts about how her boyfriend was 'the one', and even mirror selfies from a store where she was trying on clothes without underwear."
"One dress had a slit, and her hooha was showing."
"My fiancé was getting updates from some of the girls."
"He even asked Jamie to talk to Rachel, and he himself sent her messages about being more self-aware and to stop FaceTiming this guy."
"Nothing changed."
"After the trip, I sent Rachel a message thanking her for coming but making it clear her behavior was completely unacceptable."
"I also told her she was no longer invited to my wedding."
"She read it and never responded."
"Some friends think I was harsh since she spent time and money to celebrate me."
"To be clear, I'm not cutting her off because I didn't feel like the center of attention, LOL."
"This is about how deeply uncomfortable she made everyone."
"Since I got back, I've heard even more crazy stories that the girls kept from me because they saw how upset I was."
"AITA for uninviting her?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for disinviting Rachel from her wedding.
While not everyone felt the OP handled things as well as they could have and felt her bachelorette party sounded overly extravagant, many agreed that Rachel's behavior merited being disinvited from the wedding.
"NTA."
"Except having your friends spend $2k on a bachelorette party."- FringeAardvark
"NTA."
"But I have a hard time being sympathetic to someone who has an international trip with 13 people for a bachelorette."
"You don't have 13 close friends."
"If you wanted a meaningful occasion, you should have kept it intimate."
"Going on vacation with a big group you aren't close too is asking for this kind of trouble."- Infinite_Slide_5921
"Nah, NTA."
"Especially after the racial slurs, but chances are she would make your wedding all about her relationship, and I don't really blame you after her behavior."- PhilosophyCareless88
"NTA."
"In my mid 20s went on a girls trip with a group of friends (this predates facetime cell phones etc)."
"One HS friend had been dating a guy for 2 weeks."
"To this day I remember his name was Bill because the ENTIRE freaking trip all we heard about was Bill."
"How she missed Bill, how she had to buy Bill a souvenir, how she wondered what Bill was doing now, blah blah blah."
"That was annoying enough I'd have probably thrown her off the cruise ship if she'd done what your friend did."
"No big shock 3 weeks later Bill broke up with her."
"I refused to vacation with her for 20 yrs."
"For her 50th birthday, we invited her on another girls' trip, hoping with time, maturity would come."
"Nope, all she talked about was her idiot husband, called him, FaceTimed him, talked about him, etc."
"Goes home and finds out he's been cheating on her and literally invited his GF over to dinner with their kids while she was gone."
"Maybe I'll try again when she turns 70."
"Some people never learn and you can't teach them, all you can do is distance yourself."- twinmom2298
"NTA."
"Girl, this is insanity."
"I would have made her cut that sh*t out from day 1."
"I hope your wedding is incredible and that you find your peace and don't look back!"- LindaTonta00
"NTA."
"That kind of behaviour is just so annoying and self-centered."
"I'm sorry you had to go through that during YOUR bachelorette."
"I would've done the same thing, tbh."
"Ignore all the hate and be confident with your decision."- Phblastoise104
"NTA."
"Yikes."
"You made the right choice, she was causing way too much stress and there's a high chance she would have ruined your wedding anyway."- teriwella
"NTA."
"Just because someone spends money on your bachelorette doesn't mean they can behave badly."- Jaded-Permission-324
"NTA."
"She was dropping racial slurs during mad libs, face-timing her man while others were changing, wanting her roommate she doesn't know to fight with her man for her, and posting a picture of her cooter in a shared picture album, in what world would you be the AH for not wanting to deal with that anymore?"
"She also didn't spend money to 'celebrate you'."
"She seems to have spent that money to get pictures and video for her own posts to flex to her new man."
"She then read your message and didn't respond, so I'm guessing she doesn't actually care about going to your wedding either, so I would just move on and forward."
"I also feel like I'm taking crazy pills reading some of these comments."
"It's okay to have 13 people you consider good friends, just like it's okay to only have three people you'd consider good friends."
"No one is wrong for either, but it's weird to be judged for having that many friends."
"It's also weird to think anyone was required to have spent $2000."
"Most people are cool if you say 'thanks for the invite but I can't afford that'."
"But if people are willing to spend that, admittedly ridiculous, amount of money, there's nothing wrong with that."
"I personally would never, but if I was invited on a trip like this I would just assume we're in different tax brackets and wish you well on the trip from my own couch."
"lol."- exactoctopus
A few, however, had some trouble sympathizing with the OP for not confronting Rachel herself during the bachelorette party even if they agreed that Rachel deserved to be disinvited from the wedding.
"Honestly, you should have shut it down there, not afterward."
"And I would've made things clear that she needed to act differently at the wedding instead of kicking her out."
"She also seems to be in a really desperate mental state and probably needs some support."
"ESH."- monagr
It did seem like Rachel caused more than a bit of unnecessary drama at the OP's bachelorette party.
However, there was no way this drama could come to an end unless the OP told her so.
The OP certainly deserves a drama-free wedding, but there is a chance she could have still had one with Rachel there had they had a conversation.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.