Parent Refuses To Let Daughter Attend Friend's 16th Birthday That Costs $80 Per Person

Money is tight for a lot of people right now.

So counting pennies and cutting costs are heavy on the minds of many, especially parents.

That's why luxuries aren't a top priority.

And expensive birthday parties can definitely be viewed as a luxury.

Redditor burner92739383 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

"WIBTA if I didn't let my daughter go to her friend's 16th birthday party?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"Context: My daughter is 15 and got invited to go out for 'dinner' (really lunch) at a K[orean] BBQ joint near us for her friend's 16th."

"My daughter has been dying to try KBBQ- and her friend is renting out a karaoke room."

"On the invitation, however, it says all the kids invited are required to bring $80 to pay for their own food and give back to the girl's mom for the karaoke room costs."

"I think this is BS- if you invite someone, you should be at least OFFERING to pay."

"At least that's how I was raised."

"And Korean BBQ- that stuff's not cheap!"

"Don't know about other places, but the restaurant my daughter was invited to charges like $60 for one meal which is expensive!!! "

"And expecting these 15-16-year-olds to bring that money is insane!"

"The food itself is enough, but what really doesn't make sense to me is why my kid is expected to pay back for the karaoke room. That wasn't even her idea."

"This is turning into a rant so to cut things short- I usually wouldn't have an issue just giving her the money even if it was annoying."

"But my husband got laid off recently, and money is tight."

"I really don't know if I'll be able to afford to give her $80 for food that, in all honesty, I don't think she'll even like."

"My daughter is very picky, so I really don't think she'll like anything other than maybe the meat."

"Anyway, I feel really bad telling her she can't go, especially since she's been struggling to make friends lately and is finally being invited to something."

"The guilt I'd feel not letting her go is tremendous, but I really can barely afford it right now."

"I'm sure I could make it work if I tried, but it would just be so much easier to have her tell her friend she's busy or something."

The OP was left to wonder:

"Anyway, WIBTA if I don't let her?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WOULD BE the A**hole.

"YWBTA if you don't handle this conversation well."

"Explain that money is tight, and that you don't love the way the invitation was handled, but do not discourage her because of things she might not like to eat."

"You should not pre-filter activities that she might not enjoy; that is part of growing up."

"She has to go and experience these things for herself."

"Maybe meet in the middle and explain that you will need some extra help with chores and stuff to help offset the cost, like an advance on some future allowance money."

"You are NTA for thinking this is a fairly rude invite for teenagers, essentially putting all the parents in a tough spot."

"The venue should 100% be covered, if not the food too." ~ CrankyBiker

"If you are not allowing her to go, YTA."

"If you are not giving her $80 so that she can go, but you are willing to let her pay for herself and help her figure out how to do work to earn it if she doesn't already have $80 saved, NAH." ~ curien

"YTA if you just keep her from going."

"Your daughter is old enough to start paying for these expenses herself."

"And she is also old enough for you to stop having the final say on what she can and can't spend her money on."

"And yeah, some of it is going to be stupid or not what you would've spent money on."

"But that is for both her and you to learn."

"Be fair and give her whatever money you ordinarily would've given her for a gift if this wasn't a paid party and explain this is all you can spare right now and that the rest is up to her."

"Remind her that your family's finances have changed and you all need to make changes as a result."

"Leave it to your daughter to decide if it is worth going to the party if she has to pay the rest herself."

"If you can help her earn the rest of the money through chores (or hooking her up with family/friends that have a few chores for her) do that." ~ palcatraz

"Did you seriously just say that 'you don't think she'd like anything besides meat' in regards to a K-BBQ?"

"It's 90% meat."

"Don't impose your own opinions onto her."

"If she's excited about trying a K-BBQ you shouldn't be trying to persuade her otherwise - even if this party isn't an option."

"If you can't afford it, then be honest with her about it."

"You should be talking to her about all of this and considering reasonable compromises if possible."

"You could suggest she do small jobs to gain some pocket money to ease the financial strain, etc."

"If your main reason is 'it would be easier to say she's busy' then yes that is an AH move."

"You've admitted that she's struggling to make friends and that this is something that would bring her genuine joy, if you're taking that from her because 'it's easier,' that's incredibly harsh to your daughter."

"As for 'you're not sure it's worth it' that depends on what value you're placing on it."

"In monetary regards?"

"No it's probably not."

"For your daughter's happiness and mental health?"

"That's up to you."

"If you genuinely can't afford it and there are no other options, then that's a different story."

"Again, have an honest and open discussion with her and actually listen to what she is saying."

"If the party is a no go at least she will know you tried to make it happen and aren't just dismissing her feelings."

"For now I withhold judgment as at this point I think you're in a neutral position."

"I believe how you handle this matter would sway judgment either way." ~ Suspicious-Bit4888

"I would just add to this."

"Money is tight, so that explanation should be enough for you to not make this big expense."

"But she has struggled with friends."

"So it's big that she finally is branching out with that."

"It's important to help and support it."

"That being said, I would come to more of an agreement."

"She has to pick up a couple of babysitting jobs over the next couple of weekends to cover this (or at least half)."

"'Daddy isn't working. So we don't have the money to spend on this.'"

"'But I know you really want to go.'"

"'And I really want you to go too.'"

"'But I think the only way is if we meet in the middle.'"

"'I can cover half and you the other half. I know you don't have money right now, so I'll LEND you the other half.'"

"'And over the weekends you can do a couple of babysitting jobs for neighbors.'"

"'Or mowing their lawns. Etc.'"

"'If we can agree to this, I'll be happy to cover half of it.'"

"'I'll tighten some other expenses here and there just to make sure we can comfortably spend the half.'"

"'What do you think?'"

"This will help her understand the situation you're in."

"And hopefully, some babysitting can be more consistent for her, and she can start getting her own money." ~ Cesarlikethesalad

"I mean I remember being invited to friends' parties when I was younger and my mother giving me money for the event."

"Skating rink or bowling party."

"The space was rented and decorations, cake, and maybe ice cream and drinks were provided."

"But if I was bowling/skating or playing video games or any other activity I was expected to pay plus the cost of a birthday present."

"That was decades ago but would have put my mom out $20-40."

"I feel like this is about the same."

"So I think YWBTAH if you straight up said no."

"But have a conversation with your daughter."

"Maybe even have a conversation with the parent of their friend."

"It may be a little embarrassing to talk about your financial problems, but I feel a parent of a close friend would understand and maybe be lenient on maybe forgoing the karaoke room fee to help out." ~ PublicFishing3199

"YTA. If you can make it work but can't be bothered, you're an a**hole."

"It sounds like you're trying to justify not giving her the money so badly to make yourself sound better in your own head."

"If you flat out could not afford £80, then absolutely NTA but it sounds like you could if you tried."

"Get her to do some chores for pocket money, help her sell some old clothes to rack up that amount if you really can't dish it out."

"Don't make your child miss out on something because you're caught up on principles." ~ Sparkleunicorn272727

"YTA if you don't let her go given your comments about her struggling to make friends."

"Brainstorm with her how she can earn at least some of the money to pay for it."

"And the other mom is absolutely TA do do it like this."

"Tacky beyond belief."

"But that's a separate question from choosing to exclude your daughter from this event." ~ kaan3836

"YTA. You said you could find a way to make it work, but it would be so much easier if she didn't go."

"I hope that hasn't always been your mentality with your kid(s) or life in general."

"My parents didn't have much money growing up, but we never went without, and they refused to let us miss out on important experiences while still having conversations with us once we were old enough."

"Let her go, but explain this will be her allowance for a few weeks."

"Or tell her if she wants to go, you also cannot purchase a gift, and she should make something for her friend."

"Ordinarily, I wouldn't judge someone else's financial situation, but since you said you could make it work but want to take the easy way out, I am." ~ AdSmart6143

"YWBTA. If you can't afford it, that's fine."

"Tell your daughter that."

"Be apologetic."

"If you can afford it, but don't want her to go on principle, YTA."

"DO NOT expect her to lie to her friends so you can save face."

"It's wild that you would even suggest that she tell them she is 'busy.'" ~ Primus_is_OK_I_guess

"YTA. At this age, especially since she's struggling to make friends already, being excluded would be devastating."

"Make it work."

"But have a frank conversation with her about the money."

"Tell her you understand this is important and you support her, but you need her to start contributing to her 'fun' expenses, either through a job or by performing tasks and chores."

"Use this as an opportunity for a learning experience and a show of support." ~ Any_Yogurtcloset7865

"YWBTA, and she may never forgive you."

"Just pay to let her go."

"My parents used to take me and my friends to theme parks. Everyone paid their own way."

"My parents took the job of driving and chaperoning."

"It's not like paying for everyone is always assumed." ~ jaimechandra

"As someone who struggled for friends all through high school, young me hates you."

"Current age me understands your dilemma, but I really suggest you do what you can to scrape up the money and let her go. YWBTA." ~ saltedkumihimo

"YTA. She's having a hard time making friends and you've admitted you are a big spender, but now the pocketbook is suddenly closed." ~ Electrical_Sky5833

"Is it tacky to ask guests to pay their way on an invitation? Kind of."

"Are your concerns over money valid? Of course!"

"But with that said… she's 15 and excited about going to a party for one of her only friends."

"Unless you're awful parents, making her skip this would probably be a shoe-in for top 5 in 'most devastating childhood memories.'"

"YWBTA if you don't at least try to make this work."

"Maybe you could explain the situation to the other mom and ask to pay less or pay later." ~ boooooooooo_cowboys

"YWNBTA. It's outrageous to charge people money to attend a birthday party, let alone $80 for a kid's birthday party."

"It's a lesson for her."

"If people ask for something outrageous, turn them down."

"You can work on other ways of getting her in the social swim." ~ Regular_Boot_3540

OP came back to chat...

"It's only been like 30 minutes, but thank you for the responses."

"Honestly, you all have opened my eyes a lot to ways to go about this I didn't even consider."

"I want to say I really do like the idea of her getting her own money to pay, but the party is in a week and she does not have a job."

"She doesn't really have any way to make money (that doesn't involve chores, but either way, that would come out of my pockets. And before you twist this sentence, I have no problem giving her allowance, it's just the current situation in which it's hard)."

"And she's a big spender, which she got from me haha, so she doesn't really have money saved up."

"Don't worry- I have a savings account for her."

"I also appreciate your criticisms about how I said 'she probably won't like it.'"

"I guess I didn't realize KBBQ was mostly meat."

"I thought it would have more traditional Korean food, which is a judgment error on my part."

"I actually am happy she wants to expand her tastes, so I understand the way I worded it was iffy."

"If and when I reach a consensus, I will update you all, so thank you for your comments and suggestions."

"They help a ton."

This is a tough situation, OP.

Reddit certainly has a lot of creative ideas that could help.

It's nice to hear that you're open to suggestions.

The money part of it is such a struggle.

Hopefully, you can all make this work.

Good luck.